I was depressed today: I went to a nephrologist yesterday. My kidney function is worst than I thought–28 per cent function. There are some things in my control: I can restrict my salt intake, lower my cholesterol and keep an eye on my blood pressure. Anyway, I walked out of that office depressed and stayed there the next morning.

I have to make a conscious decision. Either God is in control of my life (or He isn’t). If He is, I have to do my part, then I can relax in his Arms. I have to remind myself God is always in control.

He will take care of me. My time is His time. It is not really up to me when He will take me to Heaven. I have to pray He will take care of me, He is always in control. No matter what happens. My time here is always short. Our lives are but a vapor. Maybe, if I can keep those ideas in mind and pray constantly, my depression will eventually lift. After all I belong to Him.

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2 Responses to “God You Are Either In Control Of My Life (Or You Aren’t)”

  1. Brother John Says:

    Siggy,

    Yes! I certainly agree. When I first learned I had bone cancer… well… what a shock that was! I had just undergone my first major surgery to remove (what I had been told was) a benign “brown” tumor. But when I awoke from my morphine induced sleep, I awoke to see my surgeon looking down at me in my recovery bed. He evidently had been talking even as I arose from sleep, and he was now telling me how stunned he had been to discover the tumor was a Plasma Cytoma. (Well… I had absolutely NO IDEA what THAT was… but it didn’t sound good). He went on to say: “These things tend to be just a little bit malignant”. A little bit… what? Like… You mean… As in… ??? And then the morphine reclaimed me back into a safe oblivion.

    Due to a mishap in family notification, when I awoke I was alone in my recovery room. And yet I remembered. Oh my LORD… I had… cancer? And it was right then and right there I decided to accept it. I turned my life right over to GOD and I didn’t ask HIM to provide a cure. No… I didn’t ask that. What I did was decide to accept HIS WILL. And with that simple handing over, my true healing began. Ever since that day, my spirit has been overcome with such a sense of being loved. It often makes me cry. It has humbled me.

    It’s been almost 19 years now, and I’m totally free of cancer. But I will always remember I did not, and never have asked HIM for any cure. (Though it makes me happy to have received it). I only asked GOD to be with me and to help me lead a life that would make HIM smile. And with that, much humor has come to me and from me over the many years. It turns out that if you make HIM smile, you can’t help but to be smiling yourself.

    Brother John
    Lansdowne, Pennsylvania USA

  2. siggy Says:

    Dear John,
    Thank you for your comment. When I found out about my kidney function, I was depressed the first twenty-four hours.

    It brought me in face of my mortality. I had to decided right then and there is God in control or not. Certainly some things are in my control and I will take control of those things as much as possible but the rest is up to the Lord.
    I am no longer afraid of death. I just want to do His will.