Dec
12
2010
There was just one scrap of biscuit left in the box stored in the corner of our closet. Tilla did it again. Lynelle mentioned the door was left open for over a day. And he knows where we keep them. And one by one without us noticing it, he ate over two pounds of dog biscuits. And neither Lynelle nor I noticed he had his nose in the biscuit box over and over and had a feast. Both of us laughed (and made sure the closet door was kept closed).
Dec
12
2010
She came out of nowhere. I asked my young nurse (during my brief hospital stay) where she was from: she said, “Bricktown, New Jersey.” I immediately asked her if that was near Lakewood. And then asked her a flurry of questions.
She knew about Winwood Beach. It was a vacation spot on the Manasquan River we often rented a bungalow for the weekend. It could have been forty years the last time I was there. I assumed the owner sold it a long time ago and the land was built on. I was thrilled to find out it now was a park.
I used to love getting up in the morning to flush the cottontails. There were the barn swallows who inhabited a garage there who would dive bomb every time I would go there near there. I also picked wild blue berries in South Jersey every year.
Winwood Beach was the place where I used to throw rocks at the blackbirds perched at the barbed wire and once I hit one breaking his wing. That was the last time I ever threw a rock at a bird. The Beach was also not too far from The Atlantic Ocean.
She was familiar with Ocean County Park. My Dad loved that park. We lived two hours away but we often went there for the day. My father upon entering that park would make sure the car windows were down so the smell of the virgin pines tree needles could drift in.
I also asked her about the park on the lake on route nine in Lakewood where we often went. One memory I had of that place was my sister on a bamboo pole catching the largest yellow perch I had ever seen at the mouth of a stream there.
More of my childhood memories buried came back when I talked to this young nurse. The conversation, unfortunately, was too brief. I wanted to continue it but I did not have another opportunity. I owed my father a big debt for introducing me to nature by all our trips to South Jersey.
Dec
11
2010
I don’t want to feel sorry for myself yet I have to recognize my limitations: my left arm still hurts and is recuperating from surgery.
Despite that, I want to do all that I am capable of and not wallow in self-pity. There are things I want to do and at the same time recognize my arm will hurt more if I overdo it.
I never made my traditional meal of potato latkes. I was not up to it. My son was disappointed. At the time it was too much. I feel up to it now and despite the fact that Hanukkah is now over I will make the dish for my wife and I.
I will keep looking around and see what needs to be done or I want to do. No matter what I do my arm will still hurt. I just have to recognize that.
Dec
11
2010
I became aware I never saw the bird nest in the lilac bush on the border of our driveway. I looked at the nest and realized it came from a smaller bird than a robin.
Fifteen feet away a scarlet tanager nested in a box for the second year in a row although I only saw it once or twice but I never noticed the other nest.
And wondered what kind of bird was it and why did I miss it only mere steps from our front door? Why was I that preoccupied that I did not spot the nest?
That seems to happen every year: deciduous trees reveal their nests after they are stripped of leaves. I always wonder why I did not spot the nests even when they are nearby.
Dec
10
2010
I never gave my left arm any thought. They operated on it in the last week. It was a surgical procedure to ready me for dialysis. Now I have some idea how my friend David feels: He is a guitarist who has to be careful how much he plays because he has a “bad” wrist.
My arm was sore and if I use it too much it hurts even more. I never gave my left arm any thought. What else am I taking for granted? I can’t drive too well and Christmas is coming up.
I don’t feel like shopping. Now the holiday is two weeks away and I do not feel like ordering gifts via the internet. And it is getting too late to do so. I just can’t do a whole lot with a sore left arm. It is hard not to feel sorry for myself.
Dec
10
2010
I decided to be satisfied with my three small cups of coffee this morning. I still remember being in the hospital for two nights and requesting coffee with my meal. They gave me decaf. I drank it. Now I was home and could serve myself anything I wanted. I decided to be happy for the pleasure of making and serving myself morning coffee. It seemed like it took forever for my meal in the hospital to arrive. And someone (maybe a dietitian) decided real coffee was detrimental to my health. Oh, the pleasures of being home!
Dec
8
2010
It is so easy to take your mate for granted. I was “straightening” a small pocket of disorder and came across my MP3 player. She literally spent hours downloading music on it for me for a birthday present.
I have not used it much but I needed to thank her again for it. I was not too comfortable with the technology but maybe I will start to rediscover what she put on it.
I have to give her a big hug out of principle. I have been recovering from surgery and she has been terrific in taking care of me. Don’t ever take your mate for granted.
No one has to do anything for anybody. Every relationship is by grace. When I am finished writing this blog, I will go to my wife and give her a big hug just for being there.
Dec
7
2010
It is okay, sometimes, not to feel well. You just work through it. The fact is you usually do not feel perfect. That is really a rare state.
If you wait to attain it, you miss out on too much. So you have to avoid relying on your feelings that come and go.
My wife has been taking care of me for the last week. I was operated on. She made lots of trips to the hospital and it is almost fifty miles away. She took really good care of me.
It was not a big thing; but I emptied the dishwasher and loaded it. In the process, I started to feel slightly nauseous but decided to finish my task. I don’t have to be prey to my moods.
Dec
7
2010
Things really do not make me happy. Christmas is fast appearing. We have received several dozen catalogs all displaying their wares and I don’t care.
Less than a week ago I had minor surgery. I don’t feel an hundred per cent. I had a fistula made. It was not that minor. I was under twice for two and half hours. (They had to repeat the operation.)
My hand is healing and I can’t do things so well with one. If I used (???) my left hand too much, it hurts too badly and sometimes I have to take pain medication.
We take so much for granted–I included. My kids were over and my son was disappointed I did not make potato latkes (a traditional Hanukkah dish).
I just could not do it. I am depressed and just want the holiday season to be over. I can not easily do things I once took for granted. I know it will get better but that does not make me feel any better.
Dec
4
2010
Life goes on no matter what. I walked into my bank and glanced briefly at the teller who greeted me cordially. I realized immediately I did not want to complain to her about the surgery I just had.
My procedure was elective preparing me for the day I would have to undergo dialysis. My surgery was actually a good thing.
I did not want to to burden my teller with any of this. It just wasn’t necessary. I was not trying to be a martyr. I was glad to be alive and taken care of so well.
I just accepted the smile from the teller and left the bank. I don’t have to share every bit of news with every person who comes my way.
Dec
4
2010
Life is, indeed, very precious. It is a paradox: our life is one drop of water in the vast ocean yet the Almighty cares and knows about you. So much trouble is caused by individuals who feel impotent, that their life does not matter, that they (???) been passed by, that they have no control of the forces beyond them.
God cares about you. The world does not revolve around you. Nevertheless, every life matters. ‘Every hair on your head is numbered’. These words from the bible remind you that the Almighty cares about every aspect of your life.
Every life is precious. This realization forces you to treat yourself (and others) kindly. If your life matters then you have to act as if it does and find the calling you have been endowed with.
Every person is a snowflake. Only you can do what God has set upon you to perform. No one can tell you what it is but it all starts with the realization God cares about you. You matter.
Dec
3
2010
I was thrilled when my wife gave me an old pair of camouflage sweats and an ragged old tee shirt in the hospital (and my cap). I was tired of my gown which was slipping off all the time. I put those clothes on immediately. The nurses on the other shifts did not say two words about me not having their ubiquitous night gown on. My clothes were now comfortable. It was a small thing but it wasn’t. One nurse even thought it was cool. I don’t know why everyone has to wear those ugly gowns. I just was so happy with my tee shirt and sweats.
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