Books are very important to me.  In fact, I married a “book” person and we have books all over my house.  The books represent the legacy of other people.  They are not equal in value.  Some are more special than other.  And I refer to these more often.  Most of my “special” books are in my “pad”.  In one book case I have quite a few of them.  In another book case I have poetry books and most of mine (???) writing reference books.  My books are like my “friends.”  And I don’t want them too far away.

Things really don’t make me happy.  Acceptance and recognition.  I first have to be happy with whom I am.  The other two “states” are also important.  You can have everything you want and still be unhappy.  Each person has a calling.  You certainly are unhappy if you are not following yours.  It is hard to do alone.  An occasional recognition for your accomplishments, that validate what you are trying to do is necessary.  It keeps you going.  A word of praise can keep you going for a long time.  That is why I keep an “Inspiration” file.  When my enthusiasm wanes or depression sets in I pull out the file and get recharged reading my collection I amassed over the years just for that purpose.  Things don’t really make me happy.

It was very difficult to hand over my manuscript to someone else for a general reaction.  I suspect I know what his reaction will be but I had to hand over the manuscript for someone’s opinion other than my wife.  The manuscript is my “baby”.  I believe the manuscript is worthy.  I guess I just have to wait for my friend to respond to my collection of poetry.  It is just a hard thing to do.  He did say he will be fair about the process.  I will just have to wait and waiting is hard.

I am very aware how my written words sound to my ear.  It does not matter what it is–a blog, essay, poem, etc.  It always makes a difference when I have read a piece out loud.  That was what was first–the oral tradition.  People did not have books.  They sat around a fire reciting their stories.  When I read things I have written out loud, I find errors.  Sometimes I have deleted a word or the tense is wrong.  Other times a word may not ring true and I have to insert a different one.  Sometimes there are duplication or repetition.  If I don’t want a phrase there, I may have to move it or delete it.  I may not like the cadence or sounds the words make.  It is always easier to find the errors after I have read the piece out loud.

‘Songs To Aging Children Come’  This is the title and a line from an early Joni Mitchell song I heard in the late sixties.  In the song she says in beautiful language and this is a paraphrase:  there is all this beauty around and don’t you see it.  I do.  And she ends the song saying:  ‘songs to aging children come.  This is one’.  Back then and now I identified with the song.  Another line was ‘people hurry by so quickly, don’t they hear the melodies…’

I saw all this beauty around me as a young adult and others were not seeing it.  I could not understand that.  Even today.  I starting writing back then to the present to record this marvelous world before me and slow down my pace so I could capture this beauty.  Then she ends the song:  ‘Songs to aging children come.  This is one.’  I had to grow up and still be child-like so I understood her song perfectly.  I was not all alone.

I am going to keep a writing calendar.  It was my wife’s idea.  Every year we get lots of calendars in the mail we never use.  I will use it in all kinds of ways.  The dates of poetry submissions will be recorded.  I will also put other tasks down revolving around my writing.  The calendar will force me to become more accountable; after all, I don’t want the dates to be blank.  I thought this was a great idea.

Why is it your own “blood” does not validate you?  My writing growing up was always taken for granted by my immediate family–my mom and dad and two sisters.  In the beginning it was my letter writing.  In the sixties I started keeping a journal.  In the late seventies I wrote poetry.  And now I am going on the fifth year of keeping a web site and blog.  Both of my parents are now dead.  I am not sure if my two sisters ever go on my web sites.  They usually don’t comment on them.  My writing is who I am, what is going on which is important to me.

Gratefully my wife cares about my writing, as well as other friends.  I found out I had a talent for making people laugh at open mikes.  And that is a validation of my writing although humor is not the only type of writing I do.  I keep getting hits on my web sites and that is encouraging.  And occasionally I get a poem published in a literary magazine.  I guess we choose our friends.  We can’t choose our family.  Up till his dying day my father who lived until ninety-two was more impressed with money than anything I wrote.  I was a failure in that area.  That still hurts.  Sometimes you have to go outside of your family for validation.  And that was my case.

What would I care about if I go after my wife?  I can’t take my things with me.  I know from dust I come and from dust I return.  So what do I want to leave someone after I die–not much.  The only thing I care about and hope I can leave in good hands is my journals and poetry.  I would like to think at least a poem or two or three would outlive me.  Money can’t buy happiness.  Bill Gates, at one point, was the richest man in the world.  So what does he do but pour billions in a foundation so, maybe, he can make a difference.  Each person wonders if he/she will leave any kind of legacy.  And there are multiple ways of doing that.  It could be the memories your children have of you who in turn impact others.  Memories of you may not die so quickly.  Sometimes anyway.  Many people when they approach the end of their life wonder about the legacy they will leave behind.  At least I do.

I Just Obey My Muse

Author: siggy

I just obey my muse.  If there is something begging to come out:  I write.  If it is not practical to do so, I may take some notes and when I am able to, then write.  Usually I do not share the subject with any one for then it loses its power.  Of course, I do not write about everything all the time.  But most of the time I make it either to the computer or my old fashioned notebook.  If you feel very strongly about something, that is the time to write.  Whatever emotions you are feeling will come out in your writing.  Don’t let too much time go by.  Now is the time to obey your muse.

There is always something going on with you to write about.  The trick is to pick up a thread–something that is prominent in your consciousness and follow it.  The ability to do that accurately gives it force and honesty.

It is a question of being quiet and noticing what is going on.  There are always all kinds of thoughts running through your head.  What thoughts have the greatest concern at the moment?  Those are the thoughts you focus on.

Realize you have to choose to record them.  If you feel compelled all the time to write, eventually you will peter out.  There is always something you are mulling over.  You live to write, not write to live.

I read in every position and in every room.  I read in bed–although not long and I am careful what I read:  I don’t want nightmares if I can help it.  I keep books and literary magazines in the bathroom.  In fact, my wife bought and put together a small cabinet she spent hours researching just to keep my reading material neatly in the bathroom near the toilet.  Of course, the reading I do there is in bursts.  Most of the reading I do is in bursts.  It was amazing I actually made it through Keith Richard’s autobiography–all 540 pages of it.  It is really rare for me to read a novel.  My favorite room has a spot right next the comfortable though ragged Lazy Boy chair where I keep my favorite devotional, “My Utmost For His Highest”, by Oswald Chambers.  Most of my favorite books are in that room so I know where to find them when I am looking for a particular passage.  I love to read and I have never had so many books in my house.  I married a “book” person.

There is always another book around the corner.  Sometimes I don’t know where they come from although I always remember who I “borrowed” a book from.  There is no lack of interesting books although you can become a dilettante and only sample a book here or there and only get a narrow picture of what the author wanted to convey.  There are some books, though, that are meant to be read that way.  Open up the book anywhere and start reading.  Novels obviously have to be read from cover to cover although I have no compunction to stop reading it if it does not keep my attention.  I enjoy a good story and am partial to animal’s stories:  authors who describe their special relationships to animals.  My office has my favorite books and special books that are marked up that I would never lend to anyone.  They are like “old friends” to me and I want them at my disposal if I need to refer to them.  I can not see how much an I Pad can possibly replace my library and there is nothing like leafing through a book and then another.  I like touching a book and turning pages and opening it anywhere.  There is always an interesting book around the corner.