Siggy's Blurbs

It Is So Easy To Take Your Blessings For Granted

siggy — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:06:11 +0000

It is so easy to take your blessings for granted. Today I was grateful I could also buy some bananas along with an gallon of milk. It is near the end of the month and we are running out of cash. I was grateful I could buy would I could. It is always revealing what you would buy if you are down to your last dollar. It is so easy to take your blessings for granted. God owns everything. I had to remind myself of that.

I Am One Of The Lucky Ones: My Medication Helps

siggy — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 16:49:48 +0000

I am one of the lucky ones. My medication helps. The medication, though, is an aide. I take it and then forget about it. For many medication does not help. And doctors keep wanting to put others who are diagnosed mentally ill on them. And the medications just mess up their patients. There is definitely an over emphasis on medication to treat mental illness. For many the side effects are intolerable. Or the medication does not really help.

I remember one doctor telling me he could eliminate all my symptoms with medication but then I would be a zombie. And too many doctors keep trying to do that. Often you can’t function. And the side effects are worse than the symptoms the doctor is treating. If you are a patient and your doctor puts you on a new med or increases the dose of one, you need to question the doctor about everything–the side effects, how long it takes to work, whether or not it works (the time frame), everything. After all, you are putting the drug in your body. You need to question everything. The doctor relies on your feedback.

You Can See How Impatient I Am About Winter

siggy — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 18:12:10 +0000

You can see how impatient I am about winter. Yesterday I noted winter was three weeks in–about a quarter of the way in. It has not been very cold. I only remember one extremely chilly day. I still want winter to go away. I never started a countdown to spring so early. Maybe, it is time to move to a warmer climate. I don’t tolerate winter so well anymore. It is really too early to start a countdown to spring. I am hoping winter will just go away. But it won’t. And somehow I have to stop counting the days and then weeks to spring. Spring is still too far off. And my countdown makes it worse. I simply do not like winter (particularly the cold) any longer. It is time to consider a move. Winter has become too hard to bear.

“Tilla”, One Of My Dogs Did It Again

siggy — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:36:47 +0000

“Tilla”, one of my dogs did it again. We were about to go to bed. My wife took her spot on the left side. And my eighty pound short-haired black dog jumped on the bed, took my spot on the right and curled up looking so comfortable at the head of the bed. He would not move and I slipped in bed to the right of him almost off the bed and tried to grab what blanket I had left. My left hand wrapped around his sleeping body as I slept on my side. The black mid-sized dog was quite cozy. He even sighed a few times. Thank God it was a king sized bed! At some point he jumped off the bed but I did not notice. I was long asleep.

Feeling Shame Is The Worst Thing About Mental Illness

siggy — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 18:24:24 +0000

Feeling shame is the worst thing about experiencing mental illness. It isolates you. It keeps you in a prison of your own making. The truth is everyone has problems. Unfortunately those diagnosed being mentally ill are singled out. And others around them by a wall of silence tacitly agree sometimes is wrong with that person. And the stigma becomes internalized. While all it really is, is another set of problems.

And the truth is the only people who don’t have problems are those “under the ground.” Society perpetuates the stigma in all kinds of way: the media is one big way. Of course, the pharmaceutical companies want to sell their drugs. Each version of the DSM. has more diagnoses and is driven by the drug companies. They want to push their drugs. I find it interesting we are the only country to use the DSM. And they don’t care about the side effects. It just means they can then prescribe more drugs to treat them.

I have become very cynical about the drug companies. Most people want nothing to do with these drugs. For many people they don’t work and even make things worse when you are prescribed them and you go off of them. Medication is overused to treat mental illness. Medication can only help you so much assuming they are even helping you, which is a very big assumption. In fact now a days most family doctors prescribe them. Most people do not want others to know they are seeing a psychiatrist. There is just too much shame about it.

We Dried Our Clothing The Old Fashioned Way

siggy — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 18:10:01 +0000

We dried our clothing the old fashioned way. We hung them up on the rail of the shower bar. My wife was amazed: let them hang there long enough–they eventually dried. Our drier did not work. We have been waiting on a back-ordered part for weeks now going on months. It was a Maytag and we finally complained to its master company, Whirlpool. The letter was dated almost three weeks ago and we have not heard from them. We even included our E Mail address. Whatever happened to good customer service? Of course, this was the way clothing was always dried before the advent of electricity and driers. It was now winter time and we could no longer dry it on the clothes line we had set up in the yard. Thank God our washer still worked. You have to do, what you have to do. You need clean, dry clothing. My wife, though, liked doing the laundry. I just had to put away my own clothing.

The Temperature Is All Relative

siggy — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:30:09 +0000

Yesterday it hit 16 degrees and today was 34 and it seemed warm. I wore the same clothing. Yesterday when I went out it did not take long for me to become chilled. I would reach for my gloves right away. I wanted them just for the fifteen feet walk to the car. Come April or May, 34 degrees will seem cold but today I was grateful it hit that temperature. Your expectations define the weather. I almost considered today to be a heat wave. And praised the Lord for small favors. Everything is by grace. Even the temperature outside.

Feelings Can Be Somewhat Deceiving

siggy — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 15:54:09 +0000

Feelings can be somewhat deceiving. I wake up every morning depressed–at least it seems that way. I don’t take too much stock in it. I’ve learned, as a rule, the first hour I am awake I don’t feel good. It usually lifts after I am up for awhile and I had my morning coffee. That is just par for the course. It has something to do with my metabolism. I only get concerned if my depression lasts beyond the first waking hour. Feelings can be deceitful. Sometimes they are totally due to physical reasons. And I always look at that explanation first. I am also careful how I eat. After a certain point in the morning, I make sure I eat something substantial and keep away from sugar. Your diet can matter.

I Read In Every Position And In Every Room

siggy — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 15:54:18 +0000

I read in every position and in every room. I read in bed–although not long and I am careful what I read: I don’t want nightmares if I can help it. I keep books and literary magazines in the bathroom. In fact, my wife bought and put together a small cabinet she spent hours researching just to keep my reading material neatly in the bathroom near the toilet. Of course, the reading I do there is in bursts. Most of the reading I do is in bursts. It was amazing I actually made it through Keith Richard’s autobiography–all 540 pages of it. It is really rare for me to read a novel. My favorite room has a spot right next the comfortable though ragged Lazy Boy Susan couch where I keep my favorite devotional, “My Utmost For The Highest, by Oswald Chambers. Most of my favorite books are in that room so I know where to find them when I am looking for a particular passage. I love to read and I have never had so many books in my house. I married a “book” person.

Why Your Feedback Is Essential To Your Psychiatrist

siggy — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:30:08 +0000

Your feedback is essential to the psychiatrist. In the beginning patients want to be “fixed.” They want the medication the doctor prescribes to solve everything. You have to take an active role in your treatment.

Question everything the physician does, every medication you are put on. After all, it is your body you are putting the medication in. Learn what to expect, with every medication adjustment.

Learn what a therapeutic level is. How long it takes to get there, what changes to expect. Learn the side effects of each medication you are on, whether you can live with them.

Learn, also, what changes will occur in you body and mind, when to determine whether the medication is, truly, helping you.

You are not a passive participant. The doctor can not prescribe medications properly without your accurate feedback.

Know the time frame of each medication, how long you have to wait before it works properly, if at all.

The medication is only an aid. You still have to help yourself. The medication does not work properly if you do not take care of yourself: that means eating correctly and sleeping enough regularly.

You have to know if the doctor is listening to you. Don’t be afraid to change doctors if they are not. I have fired a few in my time. This is harder to do if you are going to a mental health center but it can be done.

Learn everything you can about every medication before you take it so you know what to expect. Your feedback is essential to the doctor. He can not do his job properly without it.

An Open Letter To A Young Adult Struggling With Mental Illness

siggy — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:06:19 +0000

An open letter to an young adult struggling with mental illness:

I am sorry you had to spend New Years in an hospital. I pray you get the help you need in the hospital(and when you get out). You hardly eating for several days did not help. Medications can do strange things if you are not eating properly.
Unfortunately when you get diagnosed mentally ill and exhibit aberrant behavior like paranoia and psychosis others simply say you are “mentally ill” when the very drugs you are taking may be causing you those symptoms. I can’t say for sure.
I still don’t think you are on the right medication. You did well on one drug but it had an unfortunate side effect. It is very difficult taking medication because you have to admit you have a problem. After all these years I still don’t like I take medication.
I urge you not to go back to your parents. It is not good for you. Everything centers around a job. You may not get there immediately. Your independence. Your residence. Your ability to choose your own doctor. Everything. It is up to you. You have to take more responsibility for your life. It does not happen overnight.
You have to find a regiment of medication that helps you. It is just an aid–no more. You still have to help yourself. When you become stable again please look for work. Don’t expect others to take care of you. You still have to take responsibility for your life. The more you do so, the better you will feel about yourself.

Love

From one who went through it and wants to make the journey for another a little easier

It Is Only By Grace I Am Here

siggy — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:54:39 +0000

It is by grace I am here. Alive and well. I knew too many who did not make it back. They became lost in the labyrinth of their minds. And did not find their way back. I did. I knew many swallowed by the “system”. After awhile it no longer mattered why they were there. The damage was done by the caretakers. My family could have easily given up one me. There were points in my life where my situation seemed hopeless. It is only by grace I am here–only by the grace of God. I am a walking “miracle”.

There Is Nothing I Can Do But Pray

siggy — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 02:46:07 +0000

There is nothing I can do but pray. My daughter is in a bad way, has been for awhile. I feel helpless. I know what she can use but I have no idea how she is going to get it. I want to help, but I can’t easily. I can just be there when and if she comes to me. All I can do is pray. I know in my own life things did not turn around until I hit bottom. She is close and I can’t help her. The only thing I can do is get on my knees. That is the only thing I can do: get on my knees.

It Was Cold And Wet, An Utterly Miserable Day

siggy — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 19:54:29 +0000

It was cold and wet, an utterly miserable day. I quickly “dashed” to the post office and then the local supermarket and returned home. When I left, three dogs squeezed past me into the yard–only because they liked going through doors and could do that. I was only gone fifteen minutes and all three dogs ran in immediately in the house when I opened the front door. Even the dogs did not want to be out long. It was that kind of day. It could have been worse: the temperature could have been a little lower and we would have had snow. Nevertheless, I am glad I had heat and was inside.

I Don’t Have To Stockpile: God Will Always Provide

siggy — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 15:44:27 +0000

I don’t have to stockpile: God will always provide for our needs. It says in the bible He will only provide food and shelter. I don’t need a backup for every item I use in the house. I was making a list and there was no need to buy everything on that list. I crossed off some items I will not run out of immediately. I am reminded of a parable Jesus related: a farmer had an exceptional crop and built even greater storage bins and Jesus said something to the effect that that you will not be around to enjoy the fruits of your crops. He wants you today. Your time has run out. You have to have faith God will provide for your needs and sometimes He will do it a day at a time. When God provided food for the people who Moses led out of Egypt, the manna could only be used that day. You had to have faith He would provide more food the next day. I do not have to stockpile my goods. ‘Give us our daily bread’ the psalm says. A day at a time. That is all we can pray for that God provided for our needs a day at a time.

Our Large Wooden Picket Fence Transformed Our Yard

siggy — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:51:20 +0000

Our large wooden picket fence transformed our yard. It gave us a degree of privacy we never had before. I can’t even remember how it was before. It changed our whole property. It was also a landmark. We had found a Mennonite to build it and he did a wonderful job designing it. We have had others commenting on its beauty. It was one of its kind. I love looking at the sloped fence from a distance. I was thrilled we were able to afford it. It added so much to our property.

Our Fence Was A Real Gift

siggy — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:47:47 +0000

We had built a large five foot wooden picket fence around part of our property. Our fence was a real gift. I passed two dogs teetered outside to a cord and they seemed really content. Our four dogs can run freely within our yard. For a whole year we put out each dog one by one so they can do “their business”. Then we were able to build a wooden picket fence and we no longer had to do that. The fence was a real gift. I am not taking it for granted and appreciate each day. All we have to do is open our front door and release our dogs into the yard. Many people have to walk their dogs regularly. Our fenced yard is a real blessing.

I Was Appreciating My MP3 Player Just Now

siggy — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 18:48:15 +0000

I was appreciating my MP3 player just now. Two birthdays ago it was a present. She literally spent hours downloading several hundred songs on it. She thought I might use it for the cross country train ride we took then. I really did not appreciate what she did. Until now. The fact is I don’t like listening to my MP3 player through my head phones. Recently we bought a new car that has an auxiliary to the stereo. Now I can enjoy the music she downloaded almost two years ago through the car stereo. She knows my musical tastes and she also has her own preferences. I usually play “DJ” in the house. Now it is her turn.

Praise The Lord For Small Favors

siggy — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 14:34:03 +0000

Praise the Lord for small favors. Our TV in the living room “burnt out”. It just did not work any longer. When you turned it on, all your saw was a line or two in the center of the screen and there was, also, no sound. I wanted to see our favorite show, “The Saint”, starring Roger Moore. Every ten o’clock in the evening we watch it and then go to bed.

There was another color TV in the office we were not using so I quickly hooked it up to our antenna and “box” so we could watch it. We found out the color was crisper than the old one and although the screen was smaller, it did not seem too small.

The next day I tried to figure out how to wire the DVD player and also the VCR to it. I quickly drove to the nearest Radio Shack and they sold me something called a modulator, which enabled me to hook up a DVD to the old TV.

Now I had to figure out how to wire the VCR also. I called my brother-in-law and he suggested a type of splitter, which I had. I used it and now I was back into business: both the DVD and VCR were now hooked up to the TV and worked.

Everything is by grace including advice by people and old TVs that still worked. It even had a remote and now I can go back and watch my “Touched By An Angel” episodes again. I know the latest thing is all these gigantic flat screens with brilliant color but I was happy to have this old color TV.

I Shuddered When I Saw My Mom’s Photograph

siggy — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 19:44:26 +0000

I shuddered when I saw my Mom’s photograph. As far as I can tell it was a photograph taken in the cemetery when my father died. She was this grim looking woman who had a long brimmed black hat on and steadied herself with a cane. When I viewed this photograph again, she had been dead nine years. I had forgotten about her. How crazy she really was. She tried to control Dad with all her illnesses she was always complaining about. He resisted this. She was hard to get away from. When I was a child and young adult, I had no choice. I could not get away from her. Her fears and anxieties ran her life and those around her. I had forgotten her and how nuts she truly was and her incredibly controlling she was. And she was viewed sane. I saw this first hand. The photograph of her brought back all these negative feelings about her. It is a terrible thing to say: she was my Mother but part of me was glad to get rid of her. There is so much, though, you can discard. I can only escape her to a certain degree. I know part of her is in me. And I am aware I still owed her a debt. There were traits she transmitted to me I am glad to have. It took a long time to shed parts of her I wanted to. And some I never will.