My three dogs were laying at my feet and I realized how much I loved them and they were only on loan (the fourth one was in the next room). I loved each dog and each one I had a special relationship with.

Coco, the black long haired mutt, the offspring of Pax and Sweetie, was lovely. She had the personality of her mother, a golden retriever: She just loved you and asked nothing in return.

Sweetie, her mother, often spent hours chained in the previous owner’s house. She, sometimes, demanded affection, having been deprived of it in her first year of her life. She was one happy-go-lucky dog.

Tilla, the second offspring of Sweetie, was perhaps the most intelligent and athletic dog I have ever known. Often when he is in the office with me he pushes the door shut–a behavior I have never figured out.

I looked at all three dogs who had joined me in the office while I was reading my paper and realized everything is by grace. I did not grow up with pets but here I am with four dogs and seven cats all of whom I love dearly.

Everything is by grace. And God gives you first, second, third, sometimes fourth chances, etc., to do it all over again.

Coco is a darling.  She is a mid-sized female mongrel, almost completely black with a small splash of white under her neck.  Her spirit is lovely:  she is gentle and loving.  She likes her privacy.  She will often spend hours outside by herself.  She is one of four dogs we own.

She is bowlegged and is “mouthy”:  she will grab you by her teeth although she does not bite.  She has never bitten anyone.  She is quiet and can be quite insistent when she wants to go out.

She is confident, will not beg for attention but of course likes it.  Once in awhile she will roll on her back to get a belly rub but only once in a while.

Her brother the infamous “Tilla” or “Atilla the Hun” as he is originally named, will want a belly hug almost every time he is approached but “Coco” will only ask for it once in awhile.

I love “Coco”.  Don’t tell me dogs don’t have spirits and personalities.  They all do.  Every pet I have ever had had a distinct personality.  Coco is one lovely affectionate dog.  She is just not as demanding as her brother.  I have fallen in love with Coco.

I love all my pets:  all eight cats and four dogs.  Yes, we have a menagerie.  As time goes on, I will write about the other pets, too.

All I ever did was rub his belly every time he turned over and wanted it.  Atilla The Hun (or Tilla for short), who I call one of my puppies although he is going on two, is now my friend for life.

I realize humans do not want their bellies rubbed but I will tell you for certain each of us wants and needs positive strokes every day from our loved ones.  I do.  Maybe I can’t speak for others.

I tell you one thing humans are notorious for their lack of strokes (or should I call it encouragement).  I try to refrain from criticism.  We are so quick to speak up when someone does us wrong or fails us in some way.

There are many dying from lack of strokes, encouragement, affection from others.  We are so stingy with it.  We all like our “bellies rubbed” every day every time we want it.  Think of “Tilla”.  And the many friends you potentially can make if you take the time to indicate to others how much you truly like (and love them).

Maybe you do not want your belly rubbed but a kind word consistently given to another goes a long way.  So refrain as much as you can from telling another how much they “failed” you.  It is often small things.  It is the small details in life.

Phil Jackson, the great basketball coach who has won nine NBA titles, did not turn around his career until he realized for every criticism he dished out he had to give nine positive strokes to his players.  So many times we have that ratio reversed so think about that.  And how many people you can win over if you use criticism sparingly and learn to find positive things to say about the people in your life consistently.

Making love (the actual physical act) takes very little time in the scheme of things.  Compare the time spent in that opposed to a twenty-four hour day–it is a very small part of your day, week.

Whether you get there is another question.  If I do not treat my wife right the whole day, she will not feel inclined to me even touching her.  Sex is only the tip of the iceberg.

For that matter sex is far more than the physical act, intercourse or even coitus.  It is how you look at each other, talk to one another.  It is communication.  It is working things out between the two of you.

So much is made of it in our society.  Sex is used to sell everything:  cars, soap, you name it.  People fall casually in and out of bed in movies, TV.  Yet we are so puritanical about it.

Sex is really any exchange between the sexes.  From a look to a soft word.  And sex without affection soon runs its course.  What most people do not recognize is we learn about sex and our relationship to our bodies and others from the very beginning when we are in the womb.

Sex is not the most important factor in a relationship though it is extremely private and the only reason in the Bible divorce is permitted is adultery.  The bond of sex is sacred.  And when it is broken, that bond is very difficult to repair and mend.

Sex is only one facet of a relationship.  Honesty and affection are so much more important.  Being able to converse with one another, finding each other interesting after years of being together is so much more important.  Your mate ought to retain some mystique.  I am convinced the institution of marriage was put on this earth for only one purpose:  to get beyond our selves and teach us to love.  Sex is only one way to do that.  Everything else leads to that.