My Eulogy

Writing our own eulogy is our latest exercise in our small writing group “Inklings”.  I really am balking at doing this exercise.  I am finding this to be a very difficult thing to do.

I guess I am afraid my life has been in vain–just an exercise in futility.  My life is an illusion.  I like to think I matter to others but maybe I don’t.  Maybe the only person I make a difference to is my wife (and no one beyond that).

I write about things that matter to me and maybe that is an exercise in futility, too.  I really don’t know.  I am afraid to write my eulogy.  I can not listen to my own eulogy although if I could I am not sure I would want to.

I am not sure anyone would come to my funeral.  I’d like to think at least one person namely my wife and two kids who are young adults would notice my passing.

Anyway, it has taken me several paragraphs to get here.  Despite my reluctance I will attempt to write my eulogy.

I like to think that after I die some of my words I have written (thousands) would inspire someone out there.  I would like to think I have earned the respect of people and would be considered a kind person.  And maybe I do not deserve that reputation although I would like to think I have.

I like to believe there would be a celebration of a life well spent.  That most of the memories I left behind would be good ones.

I do not know whether I will live to the day that I will have grandchildren.  It still may happen.  If so, I hope I will leave them a legacy behind–something for them to aspire to.  I want others to believe never to give up no matter how difficult your situation has become.  Perhaps my struggle with my bipolar illness will give others hope if they had to deal with a mental illness.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I want others to laugh at some of the words I have written.  Humor is important.  One should never forget to laugh at oneself.  Never take yourself too important.  I hope others will occasionally come across some of my humorous poetry and laugh.

May I have imparted to my children how beautiful this world really is.  A sense of wonder is a legacy I would be proud to have imparted.

Maybe I can sum up in one sentence the legacy I would hope I have imparted to others:  to be able to laugh, to see the beauty in the commonplace, to never give up whatever your difficulties and to learn to love those around you.

If that is part of the memories most of the people who I have left behind have of me I would be proud and would feel my life has been well spent.