Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

‘You add something to my life,’ she said recently.  It came out of the blue.  I wish she would say nice things more often.  Too many times she “jumps” on me for something I did not do or did incorrectly.  It is so easy to criticize a mate.  I am as guilty as her in this regard.

What if for everything I did wrong she said something positive towards me.  I could strive to do the same.  Gratitude is a two way street.  It is so easy to focus on the negative.  I have been as guilty as any one else.

Praise always has to be genuine to be effective.  Others wilt in the face of too much criticism.  And I need to work on this as much as my Other.

Tags: criticism, genuine, gratitude, mate, negative, positive, praise, say nice things
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It is easy to criticize the other.  I am as guilty as the other.  Sometimes all one sees is the flaws of another, the ways the other has failed you.  And when you can’t see beyond that point, that is all you see–the imperfections of that person.

This is a really easy thing to do, just to see where someone has failed you.  And both partners do it.  Our vision becomes myopic.  Faults are all you see.

The good points of your partner (or whoever) become buried in fault finding and criticism.  It is a wicked cycle.  And one can’t stop pointing out the others mistakes.

I just don’t know how to reverse that process and see, again, the best in someone else.  Sometimes all you can see is blackness and you want to come out of that tunnel and start rediscovering why you were attracted to that person in the first place.  You can only change by small degrees–small steps.  This is a very difficult thing to do, especially in the face of negativity.  All I can do is pray and ask for His help above.

Tags: change, criticism, easy to criticize, fault finding, faults, flaws, God, good points, His help, imperfections, myopic vision, negativity, partner, pointing out mistakes, pray, see the best in someone, small steps
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One author stated that every time you criticize a person openly (or even in your self talk) you lessen your ability to love that person. Every time I read that or even think about that statement I balk.

We live in a society where criticism is openly stated. The only questions is how kindly it was done. Very rarely is praise openly given. More likely governments, leaders are openly torn apart.

Every move by our president, our leaders is examined and commented upon repeatedly often negatively. We have supposedly a free press yet at what expense?

Other governments, their population, are not allowed to express any comments even remotely critical of their leaders, government.

If you were to overhear the conversations of parents directed at their kids you would be flabbergasted how critical and demeaning their comments often are.

I far too often criticize my mate and do not listen properly. Listening is a form of love. It is all too easy to go on a tear on your mate.

So when I read those words that to criticize another lessens our ability to love that person I balked. I know I mentioned this but I will again: Phil Jackson (who has won nine NBA championships) did not turn around his career until he realized for every negative comment he made toward his players he had to make nine. (???)

Encouragement in our society does not occur often enough. There are two ways to look at it: one person can accent the positive things a person does or simply correct the mistakes another commits. It is far easier to tear down a person than build up that person.

I know how far I have to go before I properly love my wife (and my kids). Our society has a long way to go including me. Proper Encouragement (another form of love) can potentially revolutionize this world so think really hard before you criticize some one around you. I know I have to retool my thinking. Love is everything.

Tags: critical and demeaning comments, criticism, easier to tear down a person than build up, encouragement, God, listening is a form of love, love, love is everything, my kids, my wife, NBA, negative comments, Phil Jackson, praise, society
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All I ever did was rub his belly every time he turned over and wanted it.  Atilla The Hun (or Tilla for short), who I call one of my puppies although he is going on two, is now my friend for life.

I realize humans do not want their bellies rubbed but I will tell you for certain each of us wants and needs positive strokes every day from our loved ones.  I do.  Maybe I can’t speak for others.

I tell you one thing humans are notorious for their lack of strokes (or should I call it encouragement).  I try to refrain from criticism.  We are so quick to speak up when someone does us wrong or fails us in some way.

There are many dying from lack of strokes, encouragement, affection from others.  We are so stingy with it.  We all like our “bellies rubbed” every day every time we want it.  Think of “Tilla”.  And the many friends you potentially can make if you take the time to indicate to others how much you truly like (and love them).

Maybe you do not want your belly rubbed but a kind word consistently given to another goes a long way.  So refrain as much as you can from telling another how much they “failed” you.  It is often small things.  It is the small details in life.

Phil Jackson, the great basketball coach who has won nine NBA titles, did not turn around his career until he realized for every criticism he dished out he had to give nine positive strokes to his players.  So many times we have that ratio reversed so think about that.  And how many people you can win over if you use criticism sparingly and learn to find positive things to say about the people in your life consistently.

Tags: accentuate the positive, affection, basketball coach, belly-rub, criticism, dogs, encouragement, find positive things to say, God, kind word, love, NBA, our loved ones, pets, Phil Jackson, Tilla, we all need encouragement
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