Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

I want to grow old gracefully.  I am slowing down physically.  A nap in the middle of the day is almost an necessity.  I do not want to complain about my ailments.  My Mom did not like it when I told her, “When you get old, parts don’t work right any longer.”  I am well aware that the fact my kidney function has stabilized the last three years is totally by the grace of God.  Dialysis has not yet been necessary.  Everything is by grace.  I know my time will come and I will return to dust.  No one lives forever.  And we act as if we should.  Death is the last taboo.  I just want to get older with dignity and grace.  That is my only prayer.

Tags: aging, death, death is taboo, dialysis, everything-is-by-grace, get older with dignity and grace, God, grace of God, grow old gracefully, health, kidney function, my only prayer, my time will come, no one lives forever, return to dust, take a nap
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All I want you to do is listen, not feel sorry for me.  The prognosis was not good.  My kidney function had declined and I might have to undergo dialysis within a year.

My depression further increased when I learned only a third of the people undergoing dialysis survive five years and there was, also, a greater chance of stroke and heart disease.

Suddenly I realized I might not make it even to sixty-five.  My mortality became real.  Everyone knows that they are going to die eventually but act as if death will never come and when it does others act surprised and think it is a terrible thing.

I wanted to talk openly about this latest development but I felt odd bringing it up with certain loved ones and friends.  Death has become a taboo.  It is not discussed openly in our society.

I did not want sympathy.  I did not want others to feel sorry for me.  Instinctively I knew who I could not discuss my situation with.  I felt odd with them.

With those people when they ask me how I am doing, I just say “fine.”  I really wanted someone to listen, to be able to share my fears–my fears of hopelessness, of being in pain and discomfiture, dependent on others, afraid of losing my mental facilities.

I just wanted to go out in grace and peace.  Death was knocking.  There are no certainties.  It just did not look good.  I will grab every bit of control I can in my situation.  I just did not want to do it alone.

Tags: death, death is taboo, death knocking, dependent, depression, dialysis, discomfiture, discuss death openly, don't feel sorry for me, don't want to do it alone, every bit of control, friends, go out in grace, God, hopelessness, kidney function, listen, loved ones, mental facilities, mortality, pain, peace, prognosis not good, share my fears, society, someone to listen, sympathy, talk openly about death
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I really do not understand why your own death is so hard to contemplate.  At some point everyone knows that we will live not live forever but we act as if death is a failure and is a great thing that should not happen.

Just look at the reaction of the public when someone famous and young dies suddenly.  How could have this happened everyone wonders.  Yet we know we have no way to know the timing of our own death.  Sometimes it happens at the end of the struggle at the end of a long illness or simply due to old age:  our bodies just wore out.

Sometimes death occurs quickly and totally unexpected perhaps due to a accident or unexpected fatal occurrence.  No one wants to discuss their own impending death.  And even after it occurs others often act as if it was a great curse.

Death really makes your life much sweeter.  It forces you to consider your life choices more carefully.  Just think how horrible it would be if each person knew they would live forever.

The knowledge your life is finite forces you to consider carefully the steps and decisions you are going to make, the people you choose to spend time with, your career.  We only get one time around.

Death has become a great taboo and has become really impersonal.  Far more people today die in hospitals.  And when that occurs, the supporting staff just sweeps your body away as if you were never there.

No one wants to die alone.  The impersonal nature of death has led to the hospice movement which tries to restore dignity to your impending death.

It was not needed several decades ago when most people died at home usually surrounded by their loved ones.  No one wants to die alone.

Death is really natural.  It happens to every one.  The sooner you can realize that the more precious the time on this earth becomes.  This realization causes you to make your life more meaningful.  As I said earlier you only go around once, so make the best of it.

Tags: accident, death, death is natural, death is taboo, death makes life sweeter, die alone, die at home, die in hospital, die suddenly, die with dignity, die young, God, hard to contemplate, hospice, illness, impending death, impersonal, life choices, life is finite, make the best of it, meaningful life, not a curse, old age, surrounded by loved ones, unexpected death, we don't live forever, you only go around once, your body, your death, your time is precious
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