Siggy’s Blurbs

I could not understand why I did not want to go to church.  Today I did.  It has been going on for two months.  Today it hit me.  I did not know how to discuss the prognosis of my doctor.

For a long time I assumed I might live somewhere to the ripe old age of maybe eighty or ninety (that is how long my mother and father lived respectively) but now I am not sure I will make it to sixty-five.  I am now sixty one now.

I did not know how to openly discuss my fears on death.  Or at least I was afraid to.  I did fall into a depression.  I realized my staying away was a a way I had of indicating in a passive way there was something seriously wrong with me.  I had been going regularly –every Sunday morning to my little church.

Tags: church, depression, doctor, fear of death, my father, my little church, my mother, old age, prognosis, something wrong with me, Sunday morning
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I want to thank the people who are in my life.  I know most people will never read this and I will leave out people and I realize Thanksgiving has passed but it is never too late to do this.  All these people take the “extra step” and I do not want to take any of them for granted.

First the medical team

(1) Dr. Hume  for your kindness and helpfulness

(2) Dr. Cornelius for your patience

(3) Dr. Blake for her thoroughness

(4) Dr. Mital  for your ability to listen

Then,  P & R and Bob and his team who takes care of our cars and keeps them running smoothly  I thank you for your honesty and competence and for standing up to your work even when it costs you and most of all for always giving me the time of day when I have a question about my vehicle

For both of my sisters Fran and Marilyn who are always there when I need them

For Tony for your support:  you know who you are

For Sara, who I have known for over fifteen years and is one of the reasons I still write for her encouragement never abated

For the audience at the local coffeehouse who laughed at my material encouraging me to continue to find the humorous in everyday situations

For Elizabeth Yon wherever you are and the years you spent moderating our writing group

My two kids who years ago I thought I never would have but they came and have blessed me immeasurably

All the many people who God put in my life including those from my small church who have blessed me with their presence

To Sonya who welcomes everyone at the local post office and gives me one more reason why I want to stay in my small town and Perry county

And most of all for my wife who inspires me and still makes me laugh after all these years and came into my life when I was not looking, who thinks she is better than me at scrabble (she did lose the first ten games she played against me).  As an editor she has no equal.  My website and blog would never have come into being if it was not for her (she is the webmaster).  I “pop” out my bed each morning because of her.  And she bakes a pretty “mean” apple pie.  She gives me a reason to cook.  And that is no small thing.  And after six years she still wants to sleep in our bed.  I call her “serendipity” although she can really be stubborn (for that matter so can I); nevertheless, I thank the Lord every day for her.  I did nothing to deserve her.

Tags: apple pie, audience, blessed, blog, car mechanic, cars, church, coffeehouse, competence, cooking, doctor, editor, encouragement, find the humor, friends, God, honesty, inspires me, makes me laugh, my kids, my wife, post office, Scrabble, serendipity, sisters, small town, stubborn, take for granted, take the extra step, thank people, thank the Lord every day, thank-you, thanksgiving, those who serve, webmaster, website, write, writers group
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I never forgot his words.  He gave me back my life.  I had asked my doctor, “Do I have a right to a normal life, maybe to once get married, to have kids one day?”

His response was immediate, ”You have as much right as anyone else!”  I had struggled with a bipolar disorder for over twenty years and had been in and out of hospitals.  I had felt stigmatized by my diagnosis and treatment.  And had felt cursed by my illness.

His immediate response  gave me back my life.  I did not know then that within ten years I would get married and two kids would soon follow.  I never forgot his answer.

Tags: bipolar disorder, cursed, diagnosis, doctor, gave me back my life, have kids, his answer, hospital, illness, married, my life, normal life, stigmatized, treatment, twenty years, words
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I always thought there would be tomorrows but now I am not sure.  My visits with my doctor made me realize this so I decided to plan the trip to San Francisco I have wanted to do since the late sixties.

I do not know what my fascination with San Francisco is but I have wanted to go there for forty years.  I want to go in style:  I will take a “sleeper” on Amtrak with my wife from Chicago to San Francisco next spring.

“The California Zephyr” goes across the United States:  I have always loved trains and they are my favorite form of public transportation.  I have almost six months to plan out this trip in next April.

I do not want to put off this trip any longer.  Who knows what the time will bring?  ‘Time is indeed a vapor’ in the words of King Solomon fron the Old Testament.

Tags: Amtrak, Bible, California Zephyr, doctor, King Solomon, late sixties, Old Testament, public transportation, railroad sleeper car, San Francisco, thought there would be tomorrows, time, time is a vapor, trains, United States, who knows what time will bring
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The right word spoken to you can be like honey:  It soothes the throat right away.  Bless the people who have the wisdom to utter to you just the right words  at the right time.

I walked into his office flustered, stating “My wife is driving me crazy “!  And my doctor immediately retorted, “Isn’t that what all wives do?”  I felt like he gave me back my life.  I was not that unusual.

I have been dealing with depression after meeting with my nephrologist several weeks ago.  I mentioned that to the other doctor and he said, “That seems perfectly normal considering the life changes the other doctor was contemplating you undergoing.”

I felt better after his statement.  It did not take away my depression but at least I felt it was normal being depressed under those circumstances.  And I just had to work through it.

That is why it is so important not to isolate yourself.  When you talk to others outside the home you often find out other people are experiencing the same thing or what you are going through is perfectly normal.

You never find out those things out if you stay in your house and do not talk to others.  An apt word spoken just at the right time can soothe your fears which often run wild if kept to themselves.

Remember, ‘No man is an island’.  These words of John Donne have calmed many a person when they decided to stop isolating themselves.  It is amazing how many times the right advice can soothe yours fears that have run wild in the confines of your home.

We are really wired to be social “animals” and have much more in common with one another than we realize but we have to take a chance and reach out to others.  Then we find that out.  It is not necessary to do it alone.

Tags: a lot in common, apt word, calm, depression, doctor, don't do it alone, don't isolate yourself, fears run wild, John Donne, life changes, like honey, nephrologist, no man is an island, normal, reach out to others, right advice, social animals, soothe your fears, stay in your house, talk to others, the right word, wife, wisdom, work through it
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Depression can be a result of one major event but often it is an accumulation of a series of unresolved small matters.  Tackle each matter you have some control of, step by step, and usually your depression will lift.  It might take awhile, hours, days and sometimes a few weeks.

Somehow you need to examine your life and see what is on the surface, see what is bothering you.  It is often an accumulation of many small things.  Each small matter that you can exert some or more control of the sooner your depression will lift.

In this state it is usually a good idea to baby yourself a bit.  Start doing things that usually give you pleasure.  In the beginning it may be hard to remember the things you did in the past that always gave you pleasure but start somehow.

Just be patient, your depression will probably lift given enough time.  Just start.  Obtain solace from the fact depressions usually are temporary:  they will lift but you have to exert the power or control in your life you can.  It just takes time and effort.

And remember in the beginning, it will take greater effort:  an object at rest to get going will take greater energy and once you get moving it will take less and less extra energy to keep going.  So be patient in the beginning with your inertia (your state of depression).  It will get easier and easier as your depression eases but you have to make a greater effort in the beginning.

And by no means am I am saying to forgo professional help if you need it.  It may mean being put on an anti-depressant to buy time while you learn better coping mechanisms.  There is never shame in seeking the help of a doctor or counseling or both if you can not come out of your depression by yourself.  You do not have to do it alone.

Tags: anti-depressant, coping mechanisms, counseling, depression, do not have to do it alone, doctor, effort, extra energy to get going, inertia, patience, professional help, take control, time, unresolved matters
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Everything is by grace.  Your new day, the next dawn, is only by grace.  I am so aware of that.  I have gotten a solid night sleep, drunk my morning coffee and now await the dawn.

I know that is a privilege.  It is so easy to take the next day for granted.  And sometimes I do.  But not today.

I am waiting for the darkness to lift and then see the steady stream of the birds come to my feeders.

Today I see my optometrist.  I am glad I can.  I have never seen one who has such a gentle touch.  I think of the many people who service my wife and me, the shop we bring our cars which we depend on.  Bob’s customer service is so good.  I do not take it for granted.

There is my family doctor who I go to for checkups (and their support team).  There are so many people whose services I use who I try not to take for granted.  I am well aware everything is by grace.  And I appreciate everything given to me.  They are all gifts.  I did nothing to deserve them.  And that is such an incomplete list.

Tags: birds, coffee, dawn, doctor, everything-is-by-grace, gifts, grace, morning, optometrist, service
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