There is nothing sweeter than forgiveness.  It was only two days ago tempers between my wife and I flared over finances.  (Is there anything else couples fight over?)  Sure, but that seems to be a big area of disagreement.  Sparks flew between the two of us.  I did not act too nice or becoming.  She slept terribly that night and the only reason I didn’t was I took a pill at bed time.  We resolved our differences when both of us were calmer.  Sometimes you have to sit on opinions.  It really does no good to state your side over and over, which I did.  I forgot I needed to give my partner time.  The next day after the argument we hugged and made up.  There really is nothing sweeter than forgiveness.

I Can’t Save Him

Author: siggy

I can’t save him.  I know someone who is struggling with alcoholism.  He is at a turning point.  He has to make the decision whether he wants to live or die.  I can encourage him but that is it.  It is his fight.  Ultimately, he has to take the steps necessary to break the addiction alcohol has on him.  It will be baby steps at first but every major change in a person’s life started that way.  Maybe, I can steer him in the right direction but that is about it.  I can’t save him.  He is the only person who can do that.  He has to want change in his life bad enough.  Going backwards has to be totally unacceptable.  Sometimes you just have to hit bottom before you can go up.  He is there but does he want it enough.  We will see.

The Fight About Cats

Author: siggy

Two cats of ours were months overdue on their shots (we have seven).  Of course, they are the wildest and hardest to catch.  They did have appointments.  And I could not catch them.  All of a sudden, it had become my responsibility.

And I was taunted and criticized by my other when I could not find them no less catch them and then put them in the carrier.

Today, I was reminded, again, two cats are overdue for their exam and shots.  My wife previously caught them.  Somehow, it had become my responsibility.

I refuse to be told I am less than a man because I am unsuccessful in locating them much less grabbing them and placing the squirming cat in the carrier.  This is all absurd.

She insisted I make an appointment for two at one time.  We save a little money.  I refused.  I remember my prior treatment by my wife.

I did not want to be criticized again.  We also have four dogs.  The dogs do not hide under furniture or can’t hide period!

Even my vet says it takes two to catch a cat.  This all seems very unfair and I refuse to make any further appointment for a cat until we work this out to my satisfaction.

I have to allow my wife to disagree but it is difficult and that causes me all kinds of problems.  We had little fights, usually, when I have felt she was unreasonable and had no business meddling in something that was my really my business (???).

For example, our car needed vacuuming and I wanted to go into town to the local car wash to use the vacuum cleaner.  She said we have a perfectly good Shop Vac to use on the car.  That was true.

To use it, I had to run an extension cord outside and drag out the Shop Vac from the basement.  I would rather plunk three quarters in the machine in town, quickly vacuum the car and be done with it.  When she found out what I did, she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours.

The latest spat was when I was making cheesecake cupcakes and I ran out vanilla.  She said I would be fine if I swish out the bottle for the remaining part of the recipe.

I ran down to the store for more vanilla.  She was not too happy with me and I became angry at her for giving me a hard time.

To me, it was “small shit” and I could not understand why it was so important to her.  The problem was really my reaction to her.  I became angry, raised my voice.  It is amazing what couples fight over.

To me life is too short.  What usually happens is our will clashes.  And then sparks fly.  I guess this is the perennial fight between couples:  how they resolve differences.

How many marriages broke up because he left toothpaste smeared on the bathroom sink one time too often?  Or some small thing like that taking the couple over the edge.

Marriage is working out every detail between the partners.  And there are probably some problems you will never resolve but hopefully not too many over the span of the relationship.

Hopefully most of the “rough” edges” between the two of you get smoothed out over time.  Too much unresolved conflict is not healthy.

A marriage is built (or town down) one piece at a time.  The large things come along only once in awhile.  Everything in a marriage has to be worked out:  who cooks, pays the bills, is in charge of the finances–every detail between the two of you has to be worked out.

If you can not agree about the details, your marriage is in trouble.  In every solid marriage, really an miniature organization, most of the details over the years have been worked out and there is a minimum of discord.

In unresolved conflict, you fight about almost everything and your marriage is in danger.  Every detail between the two of you has to be resolved–at least most of them in order for your marriage to run smoothly.

I like what Scott Peck says in one of his books, ‘People get married for the friction.’  Can you think of a more common institution to change you than marriage?  A marriage is forged degree by degree.

When Love Is Not Enough

Author: siggy

When love is not enough,

You fight

Wonder

If you are right for each other

When love is not enough,

Angry, hurt words are spoken

Shattering the peace

When love is not enough

Sex disappears

And you wonder

What you ever

Saw in one another

When love is not enough

I have to forgive

My partner

For being

As imperfect

As I Am

When love is not enough

You have to start

From the beginning

Uncertain, unsure

Never knowing

Is love enough