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It does me no good to point out my wife’s shortcomings.  We had a fight last night.  And I thought about this the following morning.

I will let the details go.  It does me no good to tell my wife you were wrong.  You did this and that.  Why should I mention my partner’s shortcomings?

I am well aware I err again and again.  That is why it is so important to let go of all your resentment of your partner at the end of the night.

We are all flawed.  We are commanded to forgive each other.  And start all over the next morning–to give each other a clean slate.  What right do I have to point out to my wife her shortcomings?!

I know how imperfect I am.  I do not have to be convinced of that.  So let your resentments go.  We are all sinners.  Do you have any doubt you aren’t?!

Tags: argument, clean slate, forgive each other, God, let go of resentment, marriage, my wife, relationships, shortcomings, sinners, we are all flawed, we are all sinners
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Every marriage is flawed and it does me no good to point out my wife’s flaws to her.  I just forgive her and go on from there.  We are all imperfect (and sin).

There is no way to get around that.  I have to admit I balked at the statement I read in a book where it says it does no good to criticize anyone:  it just lessens our ability to love that person.

I know I often criticize my partner even if it is only self talk.  Somehow I need to forgive her for not matching up every day.  I certainly don’t.  So why should I expect her to not make any mistakes?  I err every day.

Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath is good advice from the Bible.  Give each other a clean slate and forgive each other at the end of each day.

Bitterness can form an almost impenetrable wedge between you and your mate.  So recognize that both of you are flawed and forgive each other at the end of the day.  Every marriage is flawed.

Tags: ability to love, Bible, bitterness, criticize, don't let the sun go down on your wrath, end of the day, err, every marriage is flawed, forgive, forgive each other, give a clean slate, God, impenetrable wedge, love, marriage, mistakes, my wife, self talk, we all sin, we are all flawed, we are imperfect, your mate
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I don’t understand hate but what I do know love, forgiveness and kindness would transform this earth if it was practiced by everyone.  I know it is not an easy formula for peace.

Humans (including myself) are very flawed.  It does not matter what you do for a living.  Some may be impressed by that but what most people remember is how you treated them.  If it was with love and kindness, they may remember that for a long time.

Forgiveness is in the equation because humans make mistakes with one another and hurt one another.  It does not matter if it was intentional or not.  It just happens.

And forgiveness give us a “clean slate” and lets us start afresh with one another.  And forgiveness has a price.  It is not easy.

I read in a book all God asks of us is to forgive each other.  Wouldn’t that transform the world if everyone did that?

And this starts in the most basic social unit–the family.  And then make wider circles:  your neighbors, your state, your country.  And it has to start in the family first.

Tags: clean slate, forgive each other, forgiveness, God, how you treat people, hurt each other, kindness, love, neighbor, peace on earth, social unit, start afresh, the family, transform the earth, we are flawed, we make mistakes
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Telling your partner “I am sorry I hurt you” alone does not cut it. Somehow you have to stop the behavior which has hurt your partner over and over.

Your partner wants you to apologize and it starts there but she/he wants you to stop the offending behavior. Somehow your partner wants to trust you again. Every person is flawed. Nevertheless, if you do not stop hurting your partner you can not be trusted further and the apology comes off insincere.

No one wants to be hurt continually. Yes, an sincere apology starts the process toward healing but the next step is to stop hurting your partner the same way.

I know perfectly how flawed I am but I need to make an sincere effort to stop the offending behavior. When that occurs, my partner can gradually trust me again.

It is so easy to point fingers and excuse your behavior. Human beings are masters of deception. Your partner sees you at your worst. Forgiveness at the end of the day is essential for hurts can fester and causes you to explode at situations that are really nothing to do with the reasons you are upset.

Jesus when asked how many times you should be forgiven said, ‘Seventy times Seven.’ The point is each partner has to forgive the other for hurting each other endlessly. There is really no limit to the times you have to forgive the other.

Nevertheless, your partner wants more than an apology: he or she want you to stop your offending behavior. Then your partner will be able to gradually trust you.

Forgiveness is an essential first step. The next step is to stop hurting your partner. It is so easy to point fingers at someone for breakdowns in communication. It is so easy to rationalize your behavior. As I said in the last blog I wrote the only person you have most control of is yourself.

You can not change your behavior just to influence your partner. That is manipulation. Your change has to be genuine and have no strings attached.

Your partner has to be free to accept or reject your new behavior. It is time that enables your partner to trust you again. That is why I said saying you are sorry does not cut it alone. Yes, you have to first be contrite but then you have to change your behavior. That is the true test and determines first whether your partner will trust you again.

The hardest thing is the world is true communication. That takes time and effort and forgiveness and not every one is up to it. Thus so many divorces. I remember a friend once telling me marriage is work (I was single then). I laughed at his statement then. I am no longer laughing at him. He was right.

Tags: apologize, apology, Bible, change behavior, communication, control of yourself, divorce, every person is flawed, excuse your behavior, flawed, forgive each other, forgiveness, genuine, God, healing, hurt your partner, I am sorry, insincere, Jesus, manipulation, marriage is work, partner, point fingers, rationalize, seventy times seven, stop offending behavior, trust, trust you again
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