Every Marriage Is Flawed

Author: siggy

Every marriage is flawed and it does me no good to point out my wife’s flaws to her.  I just forgive her and go on from there.  We are all imperfect (and sin).

There is no way to get around that.  I have to admit I balked at the statement I read in a book where it says it does no good to criticize anyone:  it just lessens our ability to love that person.

I know I often criticize my partner even if it is only self talk.  Somehow I need to forgive her for not matching up every day.  I certainly don’t.  So why should I expect her to not make any mistakes?  I err every day.

Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath is good advice from the Bible.  Give each other a clean slate and forgive each other at the end of each day.

Bitterness can form an almost impenetrable wedge between you and your mate.  So recognize that both of you are flawed and forgive each other at the end of the day.  Every marriage is flawed.

Sometimes I have to let words my wife say go in my ear and out the other.  I certainly know how absurd I can be at times.  So sometimes I will let her words go out one ear.  If I hold them to her (???), it causes too many problems.  So instead, I will forget them.  Or forgive them for the effect they had on me.  Sometimes the words uttered were there to get a rise out of me.  In any case I will act as if they never occurred.  This is not a blanket statement to always ignore her but just sometimes.

Often your worst fears don’t materialize.  And sometimes you have to be aware you are more vulnerable when you are fatigued and feeling overwhelmed.  You have to be kinder to yourself.  And realize your feelings at these moments can be a deceiver.  There is nothing like a solid night sleep to evaporate your worst fears that can run rampant in these moments.

You just have to be aware when your feelings are a more reliable indicator how you truly are doing.  And feelings do come and go and there are many shades of them very seldom do they run to the extremes–from despair to great joy and often you are somewhere in between and that is okay.

The mountain peaks only come once in awhile so enjoy the simple pleasures that come along and treat yourself not too harshly when you err.  We all do.  And forgive those who do also.  You do not expect yourself to be perfect so extend that same privilege to those around you.  Your life will run smoother.  Be happy with what you’ve got.  You only get one time around.

Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.  This advice from the Bible is a good one.  Another way to interpret this line is don’t nurse hurts in your marriage.  Let them go.  Start each day afresh.

I am imperfect and so is my partner.  If you don’t forgive your partner at the end of the day for being imperfect (for hurting you), the wounds just fester.

Everyone sins (or should I say is imperfect or human).  You know in your heart you sin everyday why should you expect your other to be otherwise.

Forgiveness at the end of the day wipes your slate clean.  That is why it is healthy not to nurse hurts in your marriage.

We are all imperfect and whether or not you think your partner deserves it you have to forgive your partner at the end of the day.  It is the right thing to do.

I really believe marriage was put on this earth only for two reasons–to teach us how to forgive and love others and these lessons start off with our primary relationships–our mates.

When Love Is Not Enough

Author: siggy

When love is not enough,

You fight

Wonder

If you are right for each other

When love is not enough,

Angry, hurt words are spoken

Shattering the peace

When love is not enough

Sex disappears

And you wonder

What you ever

Saw in one another

When love is not enough

I have to forgive

My partner

For being

As imperfect

As I Am

When love is not enough

You have to start

From the beginning

Uncertain, unsure

Never knowing

Is love enough

It seems obvious but not to some:  you are flawed.  It is important to know that.  People who think they are perfectly fine create havoc around them; for they are not aware how they “mess” up.  And the people who they impact in the process.

The better you are aware of your proclivities, the less this happens.  Each person is prejudiced.  The word comes from pre judge.  The only question is to what extent.  Each person has leanings in one direction.  The better you are aware how you actually think and feel about certain things, the less you become prejudiced.

Words are always one sided.  There is always another side to the story.  Unfortunately sometimes you do not have the chance to rectify the situation.  Sometimes the damage has been done with words expressing one side of a situation.

Civility has a purpose.  Your rough edges get smoothed out.  Manners seem to (???) gone out the window.  Parents are not teaching manners.  They ought to.  Pleases and thank yous are always important.  Telling someone you have messed up, blew this situation is always helpful.

When Jesus was asked how many times should you forgive a person he said, Seventy times seven.  The fact is you are flawed and so is your fellow man.  When he/she makes a mistake we are commanded to forgive that person.

That commandment produces compassion in others.  Yes, each of us remind us of that fact it is easier to forgive others of their transgressions.  We all fall short of the mark.  And there is no getting around that.  So next time some one makes a mistake let it go.  You will be happier.  And so will the person.