Miracles happen all the time.  Often they occur over a span of time.  And from death, comes rebirth.  When I least expected, another woman came along.  She was a miracle.

It was someone I knew for years.  From death, comes rebirth.  Lynelle was a miracle.  I really was not sure I could let another woman to enter my heart.  Love is often a miracle.

The pain of being separated from my two kids was severe.  I did not forgive my wife for a long time.  I felt she stole my kids from me.  But a miracle happened.  Forgiveness came along.  There is no easy way there.

Lynelle was a miracle I did not expect.  From death, comes rebirth.  And that is always a miracle.  Only He can provide forgiveness.  And that is always a miracle.

The devil uses forgiveness to pit one mate against the other.  And we are all imperfect.  And each day each person make mistakes so it is important to let them go and start the day afresh.

There is wisdom in those lines from the bible.  If you do not forgive the other for their failures, resentment builds and drives a wedge between you.

Forgiveness allows you to love your partner fully and with humility.  Each person knows in their heart that they are not perfect so why should you expect your partner to be otherwise?

Of course, kindness starts off with you, your thoughts, your self talk.  If you can treat yourself  with tolerance and love, fully aware you are flawed and forgive yourself for blundering and, also, ask others for forgiveness when you have hurt them.

I find it interesting in the Lord’s Prayer it states, ‘And forgive our debts, as well as we forgive our debtors’ (Matthew 6-12).  You have to ask God for the forgiveness of you sins first before can you can forgive others for hurting you.

If you love those who God puts in your life (and it starts off with your mate) you can transform the world.  Never discount the power of one.  Every movement started off with one person so never discount yourself.

Humans (including myself) are very flawed.  It does not matter what you do for a living.  Some may be impressed by that but what most people remember is how you treated them.  If it was with love and kindness, they may remember that for a long time.

Forgiveness is in the equation because humans make mistakes with one another and hurt one another.  It does not matter if it was intentional or not.  It just happens.

And forgiveness give us a “clean slate” and lets us start afresh with one another.  And forgiveness has a price.  It is not easy.

I read in a book all God asks of us is to forgive each other.  Wouldn’t that transform the world if everyone did that?

And this starts in the most basic social unit–the family.  And then make wider circles:  your neighbors, your state, your country.  And it has to start in the family first.

I am extremely self centered and narcissistic.  Marriage forces me to examine my foibles and flaws.  I mess up all the time and hurt my “other”.

I have to apologize and ask her for her forgiveness.  I know precisely how flawed I am although I, often, am not aware exactly how having definite blind spots.  Marriage forces you to examine your weaknesses and attempt to correct them.

Your partner sees the worst in you given enough time.  There is no doubt about that.  One never sees what goes on behind closed doors nor should they.

When we are in a primary relationship we have a chance to examine our flaws again.  First we have to become aware of them, then decide how we want to change.  Every family is dysfunctional.  The only question is to what degree.

When we are in a relationship we are forced to examine our shortcomings.  We have a chance to examine our childhood again.  Every relationship is flawed including our parents’.  When we live with someone nothing is hidden too long.

As time goes on, we have a chance to correct flaws we become aware of.  I laughed at my friend when he said marriage is “work” (that was in my single days).  I am no longer laughing at him.  Marriage is work.  Hopefully the pluses outweigh the minuses and the marriage survives.

Living with another is the hardest thing in the whole world.  It is the compromises we have to work out that insure the success of the marriage.  Living with another forces us to get out of our self-centeredness and forces us to love another human being better.

There are no easy answers to each marriage, each marriage is different.  There is no more common institution than marriage to change the other.  Too many people do not want to do the hard work it takes to continue the marriage or examine themselves and their flaws.  Thus the high divorce rate.  There are no easy answers to any marriage; it all takes time (and commitment) to one another.

Your partner wants you to apologize and it starts there but she/he wants you to stop the offending behavior. Somehow your partner wants to trust you again. Every person is flawed. Nevertheless, if you do not stop hurting your partner you can not be trusted further and the apology comes off insincere.

No one wants to be hurt continually. Yes, an sincere apology starts the process toward healing but the next step is to stop hurting your partner the same way.

I know perfectly how flawed I am but I need to make an sincere effort to stop the offending behavior. When that occurs, my partner can gradually trust me again.

It is so easy to point fingers and excuse your behavior. Human beings are masters of deception. Your partner sees you at your worst. Forgiveness at the end of the day is essential for hurts can fester and causes you to explode at situations that are really nothing to do with the reasons you are upset.

Jesus when asked how many times you should be forgiven said, ‘Seventy times Seven.” The point is each partner has to forgive the other for hurting each other endlessly. There is really no limit to the times you have to forgive the other.

Nevertheless, your partner wants more than an apology: he or she want you to stop your offending behavior. Then your partner will be able to gradually trust you.

Forgiveness is an essential first step. The next step is to stop hurting your partner. It is so easy to point fingers at someone for breakdowns in communication. It is so easy to rationalize your behavior. As I said in the last blog I wrote the only person you have most control of is yourself.

You can not change your behavior just to influence your partner. That is manipulation. Your change has to be genuine and have no strings attached.

Your partner has to be free to accept or reject your new behavior. It is time that enables your partner to trust you again. That is why I said saying you are sorry does not cut it alone. Yes, you have to first be contrite but then you have to change your behavior. That is the true test and determines first whether your partner will trust you again.

The hardest thing is the world is true communication. That takes time and effort and forgiveness and not every one is up to it. Thus so many divorces. I remember a friend once telling me marriage is work (I was single then). I laughed at his statement then. I am no longer laughing at him. He was right.

Your mate see everything about you.  Given enough time together, your other sees all the different sides of you–the worst as well as the best.

Each partner has rough edges and what ensures the success of the marriage is how well you work our your differences.  That takes time and the process can be rough as it often is and hopefully as time goes some of these rough edges are smoothed out.

Each marriage is incompatible.  Each of us comes from different backgrounds– raised by different people all imperfect.  At best, our childhoods were somewhat similar but sometimes not.

Imagine how boring it would be if we understand each other perfectly.  One lifetime is really not enough time to learn about each other.

Love and forgiveness is the glue that holds a marriage togther.  And mystery and mystique drives it.