Siggy’s Blurbs

Insisting your relationship be fifty fifty creates problems.  First of all the give and take in a relationship is seldom equal.  Consider it like a pendulum:  sometime one gives more and sometimes it is the other.

And sometimes it is just one sided.  Often due to bad health.  The commitment you made said for better or worse or in sickness or health.

Of course when the giving is always one sided problems arise.  I am convinced that God created woman just to teach man how to love.  There is always a flow back and forth.

When you insist it be tit for tat it is not love.  Each person gives what they can.  And sometimes we do not appreciate one another.  That is when most problems come about.  And then one brings out the score sheet.

Relationships are always in a state of flux.  Insisting it be fifty fifty all the time does not recognize this reality and creates major problems–resentment by one party being one.

Tags: appreciate one another, commitment in marriage, fifty-fifty, for better or worse, give and take, give what you can, giving, God, health, in sickness and in health, men, problems, relationship, resentment, score sheet, tit for tat, woman
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I have to allow my wife to disagree but it is difficult and that causes me all kinds of problems.  We had little fights, usually, when I have felt she was unreasonable and had no business meddling in something that was my really my business.

For example, our car needed vacuuming and I wanted to go into town to the local car wash to use the vacuum cleaner.  She said we have a perfectly good Shop Vac to use on the car.  That was true.

To use it, I had to run an extension cord outside and drag out the Shop Vac from the basement.  I would rather plunk three quarters in the machine in town, quickly vacuum the car and be done with it.  When she found out what I did, she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours.

The latest spat was when I was making cheesecake cupcakes and I ran out vanilla.  She said I would be fine if I swish out the bottle for the remaining part of the recipe.

I ran down to the store for more vanilla.  She was not too happy with me and I became angry at her for giving me a hard time.

To me, it was “small shit” and I could not understand why it was so important to her.  The problem was really my reaction to her.  I became angry, raised my voice.  It is amazing what couples fight over.

To me life is too short.  What usually happens is our will clashes.  And then sparks fly.  I guess this is the perennial fight between couples:  how they resolve differences.

How many marriages broke up because he left toothpaste smeared on the bathroom sink one time too often?  Or some small thing like that taking the couple over the edge.

Marriage is working out every detail between the partners.  And there are probably some problems you will never resolve but hopefully not too many over the span of the relationship.

Hopefully most of the “rough” edges” between the two of you get smoothed out over time.  Too much unresolved conflict is not healthy.

Tags: argue, basement, become angry, car wash, cheesecake, clash of wills, couples, cupcakes, disagree, fight, health, life is short, marriage, meddling in my business, my wife, our car, problems, raise my voice, resolve differences, shop vac, silent treatment, sparks fly, spat, toothpaste, unresolved conflict, vacuum cleaner, vanilla, what couples fight over, your partner
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I felt odd discussing my health situation:  I went to my nephrologist (a kidney doctor) for the second time.  The report of my condition was worst than I thought:  my kidney function was down to twenty per cent and my doctor in the next visit was going to discuss  putting me in dialysis.  It takes six to twelve months to put into motion.

I started to mull over what this meant.  A loss of my freedom.  I could not easily go away.  I had dreamed for forty years to travel to San Francisco maybe even by train (I loved train rides).  I would visit my sister whose house I had never seen and my brother-in -law who I have never met.  This would be almost impossible to do once I started dialysis.  I could at most go away for a day or two at a time.

I was reeling from this news.  I did not want to bear it alone.  Sharing it with others meant reminding them of their own mortality.  And death was the last taboo so I could not discuss my situation so easily with others.  I felt all alone.

Time all of a sudden became very valuable.  I did have a window.  I am going to take the trip that I dreamed to take for most of my life before I start my dialysis.  You only live once.

Tags: bear it alone, brother-in-law, death, death the last taboo, felt all alone, health, kidney doctor, kidney function, loss of freedom, mortality, my sister, nephrologist, reeling from news, San Francisco, share, time very valuable, train ride, window of time, you only live once
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I want to grow old gracefully.  That is a choice I can make.  I used to tell my Mom after she used to complain again about her fading health, “Parts of your body when you get older just don’t work right.”  She has been dead seven years and lived until eighty.  She did not like hearing that.

I am not as old as she was when she died.  I am sixty-one now.  Even at this age I can tell you parts already do not work perfectly anymore.

I do not want to rant and rail as I get older.  I pray to the Lord above that I can accept my limitations as I get older and do not complain and center on the things that I can do.

I do not want to become bitter as I age and my body breaks down.  I know human beings go through a cycle:  first they are dependent as babies, then become independent and finally as they age become dependent on others again.

Hopefully I will become wiser as I age and not  complain because I have grown older and no longer can do certain things physically.  I am praying that as I age I can accept my limitations.  I want to grow old gracefully and not bore others with my ailments.  Everyone has them.

Tags: accept limitations, age, aging, ailments, babies, bitter, complain, cycle of life, dependence, God, grow old gracefully, growing old, health, independence, Lord, Mom, wise
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It is so easy to complain and see what is not done.  It is much harder to live with a spirit of gratitude and count your blessings.  It is the only way.

It is too easy to view your life and see what needs completing.  It may be a phone call that needs done or a floor that needs vacuuming.  It is more difficult to see the results of your labor.  The things that were completed.

Gratitude gives you a sense of what you need to thank God for.  There are so many things we take for granted:  our health, faithful mates, shelter.

Yes, work on the things that need done but at the same time thank God for your many blessings.  You will be much happier, as well as everyone else around you.  A spirit of gratitude is infectious.

Tags: complain, count your blessings, gratitude, happiness, health, mates, results of labor, shelter, tasks, thank God
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I want to grow old gracefully.  Death is the final frontier.  People do not want to talk about it.  From dust you came and to dust you shall return.  These are not my words.  Everyone knows this is true yet we pretend this will not be our fate.

Sometimes death comes suddenly:  An heart attack, stroke or even an accident we could not predict.  I want to squeeze every bit of life I can that is given to me.  And go out gracefully.

My Dad lived until ninety one, my Mom eighty.  I do not know for sure if I will make it any where near that.  Yes, I will take good care of me, eat properly, exercise and sleep properly but death is not my calling.

It is God’s timing and if God gives me more time I will accept it with grace.  Love those around me.  After all that is what life is about:  Love, work and grace.  Wasn’t that Freud’s definition of health:  to be able to work and love.

I can not think of a better definition of health–to be able to love and work.  That sums it all up.  When my day comes I hope there will be a celebration of a life well spent, of a life of a person who truly loved the people around them.

Amen.

Tags: celebrate life, death, dust-to-dust, Freud, God, God's timing, grace, grow old gracefully, health, love, love those around you, work
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Life without joy is a life of despair.

Rejoice.  Again I say rejoice.  It is a commandment of the bible.  There is much to rejoice about.  If your blood is pulsating through your veins.  That is no small thing.

Life is, in deed, very precious.  And so is your health.  Take good care of your self.  We have that in control.  There is a correlation between health and joy although sometimes you have to override that and determine to seek joy.

Men live lives of quiet desperation.  Words by Thoreau.  Very much quoted.  Accept the bounties God has given you.  And find joy in them.  Rejoice.  Again I say rejoice.

Tags: again I say rejoice, Bible, bounty, despair, health, joy, life, life is precious, quiet desperation, rejoice, take care of yourself, Thoreau
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I had a major struggle with a bipolar disorder (then called manic-depression).  And there was a seven year period where I was out of control (until I was stabilized on lithium in 1972).  It took even years until I was properly diagnosed.  I went through hell and pain.

I never tortured myself with the question, “Why?”  There are no answers to that.  Life is not fair.  Every one has varying success in overcoming their hurdles.

But if you start asking the question, “Why or Why me”, there will only be silence.  God allowed the Devil to take away everything from Job (in the Old Testament) including his family, his possessions.

Eventually the Devil gave up on him.  God restored Job and his health.  I am not saying that if you are ill God will do the same.  But if you look at yourself and rail at God for your station in life, it will only make your life harder.  And make those around you miserable.

Accept the things you have no control of, change the things you can and have the wisdom to know the difference (really a paraphrase of the serenity prayer).  Stop asking yourself the question why and just move on with your life.

Tags: acceptance, bipolar, change what you can, devil, don't ask why, family, God, God restores, health, Job, lithium, manic-depression, Old Testament, possessions, serenity prayer, went through hell, wisdom
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