Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

I shuddered when I saw my Mom’s photograph.  As far as I can tell it was a photograph taken in the cemetery when my father died.  She was this grim looking woman who had a long brimmed black hat on and steadied herself with a cane.  When I viewed this photograph again, she had been dead nine years.  I had forgotten about her.  How crazy she really was.  She tried to control Dad with all her illnesses she was always complaining about.  He resisted this.  She was hard to get away from.  When I was a child and young adult, I had no choice.  I could not get away from her.  Her fears and anxieties ran her life and those around her.  I had forgotten her and how nuts she truly was and how incredibly controlling she was.  And she was viewed sane.  I saw this first hand.  The photograph of her brought back all these negative feelings about her.  It is a terrible thing to say:  she was my Mother but part of me was glad to get rid of her.  There is so much, though, you can discard.  I can only escape her to a certain degree.  I know part of her is in me.  And I am aware I still owed her a debt.  There were traits she transmitted to me I am glad to have.  It took a long time to shed parts of her I wanted to.  And some I never will.

Tags: anxiety, cane, cemetery, complaining, controlling woman, crazy, father, fear, fears and anxieties, illness, mother, negative feelings, photograph
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(1)  My wife whose support makes it all worthwhile

(2)  The extension of our fence so now all four dogs can run wild within it and we don’t have to worry about them getting out

(3)  The seventh Christmas we are spending together

(4)  The purchase of a “new” used vehicle

(5)  another year

(6)  my illness if you can call it that has given me a keener sense of the time bestowed to me

(7)  my two sisters who are always there when I need them

(8)  The four books Marilyn sent to me

(9)  all my friends

(10)  The safety of my trip to Boston during a difficult time:  I know angels were watching me during my ride to Boston and back.

(11)  I finally made it to “Walden Pond”

(12)  All my animals particularly my four dogs who never ask for anything and just love you unconditionally

(13)  For providing for all our needs

(14)  All the people who take care of us:  from Bob our mechanic to our dentist and all our doctors.  They just serve us.

(15)  My wife, the editor, lover and friend

(16)  John, you know who you are

(17)  The heat in our house

(18)  My web site and “Siggy’s Blurbs”

(19)  Sara’s support, you know who you are, also

(20)  My two, Emma and Saul

(21)  for everything I have forgotten to be grateful for

(22)  Pastor Pete and his flock

(23)  only “You” who without I can not do any thing

Tags: 2009, angels watching me, Bob our mechanic, books, Christmas, dogs, dogs love you unconditionally, editor lover and friend, Emma, fence, four dogs, friends, God, grateful, gratitude, heat in our house, illness, John, Marilyn, my animals, my friends, my two sisters, my web site, my wife, new used vehicle, our dentist, our doctors, Pastor Pete and his flock, people take care of us, pets, providing for all our needs, Sara's support, Saul, Siggy's Blurbs, those who serve, time bestowed to me, trip to Boston, Walden Pond, You who I can not do anything without
Posted in animals, beauty, children, death, God, health, life, local, love, marriage, mental health, relationships, seasons, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession | 2 Comments »

Tragedy befalls people everywhere.  I just came from my small church this Sunday morning.  I talked to a lady who was going through chemotherapy at least a second time:  her cancer returned again.

We were told that in our congregation a four year old boy’s brain tumor returned and he would be operated again next week.

You do not have to live very long to discover somewhere someone is dealing with some difficulty.  The only question is whether they face their difficulties with courage and honesty.

Someone is always coming down with something.  There are accidents.  There is illnesses and disease.  Tragedy happens every day to someone.

Every day someone lives, someone dies.  It is the same everywhere.  Though, that knowledge does not make it any easier, especially when you are that person.  It is something you have to work through.  And it takes time.

Tags: accidents, brain tumor, cancer, chemotherapy, church, congregation, courage, dealing with difficulty, disease, four year old boy, God, honesty, illness, life and death, operation, someone dies everyday, tragedy
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Everyone has something they have to live with.  Sometimes that something is more apparent:  obvious illnesses and handicaps.  Most of the times that something is invisible.  Although if you spend any length of time with that person you usually find out what the difficulties are they are going through.

Some people act as if their unique set of problems is the worst thing in the whole world.  The grass is always greener elsewhere.  Actually our attempts to solve our personal problems is what makes our life interesting.

It is so easy to magnify our problems–distort them.  It is so freeing to find out other people also have problems that appear to have no solutions and also have unresolved conflict.

It is so important not to isolate yourself because when you do your problems always appear larger than they actually are.  Your problems shrink when you share them with trusted friends.

And theirs do likewise when they trust you and share theirs.  Every one has something to live with.  And life is not always fair although that is another subject.  And ‘No man is an island,’ in John Donne’s words.

Tags: difficulties, distort problems, do not isolate yourself, everyone has something, grass is always greener, handicap, illness, invisible, John Donne, life is not fair, magnify problems, no man is an island, personal problems, problems shrink when shared, trusted friends, unique set of problems, unresolved conflict, worst thing in the world
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When death is knocking at your door, money fades in importance.  It is so easy to delude ourselves:  that your time on this earth is forever.  But when the realization comes it is running out (often due to illness or old age) your money (and possessions) are no longer that important.

All of a sudden other things come to the forefront:  your relationship with loved ones, maybe your legacy also.  Your possessions which maybe you spent a lifetime accumulating do not matter that much.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft and the richest person in the whole world, realized that; when he founded with his wife what is today’s largest private foundation pouring in it more and more of his energy and resources (billions of dollars) in that endeavor.

In my case, I can not take my journals, books and music I spent a lifetime collecting with me when I go.  I have to figure out what is truly important in my life.  I do not want to waste time.

Often when someone faces his/her deathbed and realizes the way they spent their time really does not matter.  Your impending death shifts your priorities and also forces you to reexamine your value system.

Too many people die alone because they did not invest time in others.  Did not Jesus say, “When you lose your life, you find it”.  I think that is a paraphrase.

When you are in the dusk of your life, you find out the most valuable commodity you possess is time.  All the money in the world can not buy you one more minute on earth.

That realization forces you to examine your life carefully.  It is never too late to make a change although it is easy to regret the time you lost in fruitless endeavors.  You can never turn back the clock but there is always today.

Tags: accumulating things, Bill Gates, billions of dollars, books, death knocking at your door, deathbed, die alone, do not waste time, dusk of your life, examine your life, fruitless endeavors, God, illness, impending death, invest time in others, Jesus, journals, loved ones, make a change, Microsoft, money, music, never too late, old age, our time on earth, possessions, private foundation, regrets, relationships, richest person in the world, shift your priorities, spend your time, there is always today, time, turn back the clock, when you lose your life you find it, writer, writing, your legacy, your value system
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Your life crystallizes when the end is near.  Let me say, no one knows when his/her end comes.  We continue to keep the illusion our life is forever.  It certainly is an illusion.

Everyone knows the only thing certain is death and taxes to use a cliche.  Yet we act as if that truth is false.

My declining health put this truth in sharper focus again.  I do not want to waste time, which is my most precious resource although there are times I squander it.

I realize the more I can do His will, the more I can fulfill my calling the less regret I have.  I certainly can not tell you what your calling is.  Or what your tiny voice is commanding you to do.

First you have to allow open spaces in your life.  And then you can listen to the tiny voice only you can hear.  And life is full of others who are eager to tell us what to do including our loved ones.

No one knows how much time they have on this earth.  That is a great mystery.  Sometimes when you are ill you think you have an idea how long you have here but you really do not know.

What I do know is the more I listen to that tiny voice nudging me the less anxiety I experience in my own life.  And I am concerned less when that time will come.  Peace of mind usually accompanies doing His will.

I have to face each day prayerfully and allow for those empty spaces so I can listen to that tiny voice only I can hear.

And the more I obey it the more peace of mind I have.  And I thank God for each new dawn I face.  It does not really matter as long as I am doing His will.

Tags: a great mystery, anxiety, declining health, do His will, do not waste time, face each day prayerfully, fulfill my calling, God, how long do we have, illness, illusion, life is forever, my life, new dawn, obey God, only thing certain is death and taxes, open spaces in your life, our loved ones, peace of mind, regrets, squander time, tell us what to do, thank God, the end is near, time is a precious resource, time on earth, truth, your calling, your life crystallizes, your tiny voice
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I never forgot his words.  He gave me back my life.  I had asked my doctor, “Do I have a right to a normal life, maybe to once get married, to have kids one day?”

His response was immediate, ”You have as much right as anyone else!”  I had struggled with a bipolar disorder for over twenty years and had been in and out of hospitals.  I had felt stigmatized by my diagnosis and treatment.  And had felt cursed by my illness.

His immediate response gave me back my life.  I did not know then that within ten years I would get married and two kids would soon follow.  I never forgot his answer.

Tags: bipolar disorder, diagnosis, doctor, felt cursed, gave me back my life, have kids, his answer, hospital, illness, married, mental health, my life, normal life, stigmatized, treatment, twenty years, words
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I really do not understand why your own death is so hard to contemplate.  At some point everyone knows that we will live not live forever but we act as if death is a failure and is a great thing that should not happen.

Just look at the reaction of the public when someone famous and young dies suddenly.  How could have this happened everyone wonders.  Yet we know we have no way to know the timing of our own death.  Sometimes it happens at the end of the struggle at the end of a long illness or simply due to old age:  our bodies just wore out.

Sometimes death occurs quickly and totally unexpected perhaps due to a accident or unexpected fatal occurrence.  No one wants to discuss their own impending death.  And even after it occurs others often act as if it was a great curse.

Death really makes your life much sweeter.  It forces you to consider your life choices more carefully.  Just think how horrible it would be if each person knew they would live forever.

The knowledge your life is finite forces you to consider carefully the steps and decisions you are going to make, the people you choose to spend time with, your career.  We only get one time around.

Death has become a great taboo and has become really impersonal.  Far more people today die in hospitals.  And when that occurs, the supporting staff just sweeps your body away as if you were never there.

No one wants to die alone.  The impersonal nature of death has led to the hospice movement which tries to restore dignity to your impending death.

It was not needed several decades ago when most people died at home usually surrounded by their loved ones.  No one wants to die alone.

Death is really natural.  It happens to every one.  The sooner you can realize that the more precious the time on this earth becomes.  This realization causes you to make your life more meaningful.  As I said earlier you only go around once, so make the best of it.

Tags: accident, death, death is natural, death is taboo, death makes life sweeter, die alone, die at home, die in hospital, die suddenly, die with dignity, die young, God, hard to contemplate, hospice, illness, impending death, impersonal, life choices, life is finite, make the best of it, meaningful life, not a curse, old age, surrounded by loved ones, unexpected death, we don't live forever, you only go around once, your body, your death, your time is precious
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Fatigue is a gift whether you realize it or not.  It is an indication you are human, that you have limitations.  It can be caused by not sleeping and eating properly, stress or illness or any combination thereof.

It has a set of causes and forces you to do something to rectify it.  It is not only no fun being tired but also it is very hard to be productive.  You are often not able to meet the demands of others adequately.

Fatigue forces you to acknowledge you have limitations and you have to observe them or pay the cost.  Often (though not all the time) you can correct your chronic fatigue by simply taking better care of yourself:  sleeping and eating properly often do wonders.

These are simple causes of fatigue.  Stress can, also, wear you down and cause havoc in your life.  Chronic fatigue can be a result.

Illness, of course, can be (???) factor and there is so much you can do about that but, nevertheless, not observing your limits can lower your resistance to mono, cold and the flu and I am sure this is only a short list.  All kinds of things.

Most of the time fatigue is a indicator you have to take care of yourself better so do not ignore it.  Everything in our life has a purpose even fatigue. So listen to your body.

Tags: eat, fatigue, God, illness, listen to your body, observe your limits, sleep, stress, taking care of yourself, tired
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Life is never fair.  Nor is giving.  The pendulum swings in a marriage, sometimes, back and forth.  One person gives more of his/herself and then the other.  A vow was made during the marriage ceremonies:  the words “for better or worse” are there for a reason:  bad times will come to a marriage.  There will be illness, lost jobs, money problems and often conflict, which will need to be resolved.  Sometimes an illness will result in one partner taking care of the other, sometimes permanently (the marriage vow “till death do us part” is there for a reason).  The giving then may become totally unbalanced.  Insisting the giving be always 50/50 puts a strain on the marriage and is really unrealistic.  Really all a partner can do is love the other, not being concerned how equal the give and take is.  Insisting or complaining you are giving more consistently always puts a strain on the marriage.  We are commanded in our vows to love the other in sickness or health (or in any, every situation) (my words).  Each partner only gives what he/she can.  Insisting marriage be always 50/50 is always wrong.

Tags: "till death do us part", balance, each partner gives what he/she can, for better or worse, giving, giving may be unbalanced, God, illness, life is not fair, love, love each other, marriage, one person gives more, relationships, time, wedding vows
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