What do I know for certainty? My wife loves me. So does my favorite dog–Tilla. Probably Coco, his sister. Maybe, that needs to be enough. Two dogs and my wife. Maybe, that should be sufficient. Let me bask in that love. I did nothing to earn that. Of course, I did not mention Jesus. He loves me, too. I don’t know why you can feel so separated and so alone sometimes?

I have a history with you.  It makes a difference.  I have to work on it.  Communicate with you periodically.  It is those histories that form your roots.  Form enough and your roots go deep.  It is those invisible ties that make you feel attached to an area.  And roots take time (and energy and effort).  Ultimately that is the only thing that matters:  the people you have reached out and loved.  That is your true legacy.  The memories you have created in loving others.

More Than Anything Else

Author: siggy

I guess more than anything else from my written piece I want to know:  did my love come through?  I would rather my piece be poorly written but have my love come through.  If my writing is grammatically correct but says nothing it has failed.  Ideally it would be both.  I also want to know:  did you feel what I felt?  Did you have an inkling?  Were you there?  Did you want to be there?  Did my humanity come through?  Those are questions I am always interested in.  If the answer is “yes”, it is relatively simple to go back and clean up the language.  All that is simple when the “guts” of the piece are there.  If they are not, no fiddling with it will matter.  I am not always aware of the response.  The answers to those questions determine the success of my written piece.

A pet’s love is nothing you can earn.  Sure, you can feed it and give it water.  Nevertheless they have their own ways and proclivities.  I don’t know why Cheyenne, one of my cats, usually goes in the opposite direction when I approach him but he does.  Each animal has their own personality and likes and dislikes.  Tilla, one of my black dogs, and I have a special relationship.  When he wants a hug, he puts his paws and chest on me when I am sitting–all eighty pounds of him.

Some of my seven cats ignore me.  Buttons is one.  He is about as wild as you can be and still be an indoor cat.  He is also another that goes the opposite direction when I approach him.  Catching him to take to the vet is near impossible.  He is a tiger looking cat and we have two of them.  The other appropriately called Tiger will let me pet him.  Cool hand Luke is the last animal I brought into this marriage and he is the closest cat I have to being mine.  He usually sleeps on our bed.  The other three dogs we have are all different.

Pax loves bread and is a thief.  Don’t leave your bagel unattended.  Coco will appear at your lap if you are eating anything crunchy and demand her share.  Sweetie does have a lovable nature.  And she is a golden retriever.  She will insist on you giving you her (???) attention.  She is almost needy and probably gets lost in the mix of dogs.  If she was the only dog, she would get more attention but she is not.  I have not even talked about all the cats.  We have five others–all unique.  China is an exotically black and white colored cat, who is one laid back cat.  Her mom Jasmine is a diminutive, demure cat who holds her own with all the other cats.  There is nothing you can do to earn their love.  Sure you feed them.  They either like you or don’t.

There is nothing more important than love.  When everything is taken away from you, that is all that remains–love.  Some people spend a lifetime building an empire and very little time building relationships.  No one wants to know how hard you worked but they remember if you loved them, spent time with them or encouraged them in their endeavors.  Love is the only thing that remains when you go.  The positive memories you have built up in a lifetime.  And for some people those memories are negative.  Love you have shared with others is the only thing that really matters and lasts.  Money can not buy love.  It takes time to love others properly.

Having pets is a privilege, especially my four dogs.  They do not know anything but to love and accept you.  They do not ask you what degrees you possess.  Sure each dog is an individual.  And they each have their own personality.  All you have to do is take care of them, make sure they have food and water and of course love them.  They do not know anything to do but to love you back.  They don’t care how much money you have.  They just love.  They do not disguise their feelings like many humans do.  If you call their name, they just wag their tail.  I am graced by them and maybe in a subsequent blog will talk at more length about each one.  They are a privilege.

You have improved my life.  It goes beyond the obvious.  The material.  The house we live in.  We both love books and music.  And the house is bursting with them.  We both share a deep love of both.

The web site and blog you had a major hand in formatting.  I never would have started either if it wasn’t for you.  One and one really make three.

I prepare meals for you gratefully.  It is a privilege for me.  The two CD’s of my poetry came about for you encouraged me to recite my poetry in public and praised my delivery.

I never had such a large living room window and we watch the birds come to our feeders.  If you had not loved watching birds as much as me, it never would have come about.

I play my music for you all the time.  I usually play “DJ”.  That is a privilege to share my music.  We grew up in the same time frame and are familiar with quite a bit of the same music.  That is a gift.

You make me laugh and that is also a gift.  I write more funny poems because of your encouragement.

There are so many ways you enrich my life and these are only a few quickly stated ways.

It is easy to love someone at a distance, someone you do not know.  It is far harder to love someone closest to you, “your blood and guts.”

It is so easy to delude yourself you are reaching out to someone who is in the distance who you know needs an hand.

First start with people in your own backyard, your mate, your sibling or a friend–others who you know intimately.

And after you have taken care of the needs of those closest to you, branch out and make sure your neighbors do not need you.

Often what is most needed is kindness and free use of your time, which is the most precious commodity you possess.

Yes, after all is said and done reach out to others far away but never neglect those closest to you.  Charity always begins at home.

Can you get past your first honeymoon? We have been married seven years and I wonder about that. By now I have heard the same “stories” as she has about me.

How do you get past your daily frustrations with one another? By now the “glow” has worn off. We have seen the worse as well as the best in each other. It is too easy to focus on the negative we see each day.

It takes an extra effort to remind each other what you originally saw in each other. It is too easy to inform each other this and that you are doing wrong.

How do you get beyond the flaws of each other? Maybe, if we can become Christ-like and remind yourself of His unconditional love, we can love our mate despite all his/her flaws.

Do we have any doubt that we err each day and are much flawed. I don’t. Perhaps, if we can consider this when our mate messes up and become more compassionate toward the other.  This is something to keep in mind.

Can fear and love exist at the same time?  They can but not too well.  One can not love freely if you are afraid.  Somehow you have to settle your fears–your fear of rejection, of being close, of being transparent.

Nothing is permanent.  Love is fluid.  It changes from day to day.  That is why commitment to one another is so important.  It rides out the rough moments and if you know in back of your mind you are loved that is all you need to know.

Fear only gets in the way.  Forgiveness at the end of each day is the glue that makes it work.  No one said love was easy.  You have to put aside your fears.

Do not be afraid of rejection and reach out to others.  You will be blessed beyond measure.  There are always hurting people around you and not every person will respond to you.  Accept that fact.

Reach out to others in small ways.  A person always remembers small kindnesses.  So reach out to others.

You will be rewarded in love far beyond your imagination and your belief.  Never stop reaching out.

This is all I learned and want to pass on.  Never be afraid of your rejections.

Learn to love.  You will never be disappointed.  People always respond to kindness even if it is not acknowledged.  The person noticed even if she/he did not respond to you.  They noticed I guarantee you.

So never stop reaching out to others.  Your love is infinite.

And that which is returned.  Love is the only thing that matters in this world.

It is always there.  So, again, I say reach out to others around you.  You might may even entertain an angel.

Every Marriage Is Flawed

Author: siggy

Every marriage is flawed and it does me no good to point out my wife’s flaws to her.  I just forgive her and go on from there.  We are all imperfect (and sin).

There is no way to get around that.  I have to admit I balked at the statement I read in a book where it says it does no good to criticize anyone:  it just lessens our ability to love that person.

I know I often criticize my partner even if it is only self talk.  Somehow I need to forgive her for not matching up every day.  I certainly don’t.  So why should I expect her to not make any mistakes?  I err every day.

Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath is good advice from the Bible.  Give each other a clean slate and forgive each other at the end of each day.

Bitterness can form an almost impenetrable wedge between you and your mate.  So recognize that both of you are flawed and forgive each other at the end of the day.  Every marriage is flawed.