She balances the checkbook to the penny.  I never liked doing that so I certainly do not mind.  I stopped even writing in it for I would make small errors in it posting figures and when we got our monthly statement it would take her hours to find the errors.

There are some things I do for she simply won’t do them.  I empty and put new litter in the cat litter boxes.  I do the shopping.  I am not sure why but every time she goes with me we spend too much money.  Besides, she does not like to shop.

I do not like to clean.  She does just about all of it.  I do vacuum occasionally.  I could go on and on.  A couple divides the tasks as much as possible along the lines of what you want to do.

Of course, there are always tasks neither like doing and one person just decides to do them.

All of a sudden other things come to the forefront:  your relationship with loved ones, maybe your legacy also.  Your possessions which maybe you spent a lifetime accumulating do not matter that much.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft and the richest person in the whole world, realized that;   when he founded with his wife what is today’s largest private foundation pouring in it more and more of his energy and resources (billions of dollars) in that endeavor.

In my case, I can not take my journals, books and music I spent a lifetime collecting with me when I go.  I have to figure out what is truly important in my life.  I do not want to waste time.

Often when someone faces his/her deathbed and realizes the way they spent their time really does not matter.  Your impending death shifts your priorities and also forces you to reexamine your value system.

Too many people die alone because they did not invest time in others.  Did not Jesus say, “When you lose your life, you find it”.  I think that is a paraphrase.

When you are in the dusk of your life, you find out the most valuable commodity you possess is time.  All the money in the world can not buy you one more minute on earth.

That realization  forces you to examine your life carefully.  It is never too late to make a change although it is easy to regret the time you lost in fruitless endeavors.  You can never turn back the clock but there is always today.

I tried to figure out why I had no desire to travel to any of these exotic places some of which I had never heard.  I was balking at even opening the book to glance through it.

Despite my reservations I bought the beautiful book anyway.  I know my wife will like leafing through it.

I could never let myself dream of traveling.  I never had the funds to travel abroad so I just did not let my mind and curiosity roam.

I knew I never would be able to.  I am the same person who told my wife never to use the word “never”.

All that quickly ran through my head as I deliberated buying the book for a Christmas gift.  There were other issues why I did not desire to travel very much but I will explore them in other blogs.

This realization has become sharper to me:  I may not make it to my seventieth birthday.  I am trying to work through my depression that descended after my last visit with my nephrologist.  The report was not good.

I did some research and found out the mortality rate of people put on dialysis was depressing:  over twenty per cent die the first year and over two thirds in a five year period.

I could be facing my end.  Material things did not matter much any more.  Time can not be bought.  It is the most precious thing you possess.  This was all brought to the forefront.  And I did not want to waste it.

Knowing you really do not care how you are spending most of your time.

Knowing deep inside your job is the wrong one and you refuse or are too scared to make any change.

There are too many unresolved conflicts in your life.

Your marriage is “dead” and you are “paralyzed”.

Each day is the same.

You no longer can see beauty.

All you can do is complain.

Money is more important than people.

Each day is not new and blends into each other and you wonder how you spent your time.

In fact, you have no idea where the time went.

Love just seems to be too idealistic.

You can not love or work.

All you feel is pain.

You can not get past your pain.

You forgot how to laugh.

Each day is not a new dawn.

You think you have to go to some far off exotic island, To escape, to enjoy your vacation.

You can not wait to do that.

All your friends have died.

You forgot how to be a friend.

This is just an incomplete list.

And I want to caution there is always two sides to everything.

And it is only my list.

Everything Is by grace.  There is no way around that.  You can think otherwise but it is futile.  You can rail how unfair life is but that is futile, too.

Less is always more.  And God does not owe us anything and everything we have is by the grace of God.  Life is never fair:  some people have more and some people have less.  The poor are always among us.  The war on poverty–a campaign by Lyndon Johnson, the president of the United States, in the late sixties was a failure.

It is true each person has to help the other in any way you can but the poor will always be among us.  Blessed are the poor in spirit.  Being poor sometimes forces us to rely on God for our provisions.  Money can insulate us from God.

There is the illusion we can provide for ourselves when we have enough money but that is only an illusion.  We need one another.  No man is an island, the famous words of John Donne.

It is far easier to lead your life with thankfulness.  Gratitude is a blessing and each person needs to reach out to others in any way they can.  In fact, in the bible it say that if it is in your power to help someone and do not you have committed a sin.

I have to count my blessings each day.  My wife is only here by serendipity.  My attitude of thankfulness for the provisions of the Almighty gives me grace that I can not earn.  And everything is by grace.

Everyone has been in a crowd and felt very lonely for he/she did not have one genuine connection with anyone.  Love matters.  It always does.  It dispels fear, worry.

How many people have moved to a strange, unfamiliar area because they knew one person.  One person is all it takes to dispel loneliness and give you the courage to venture out into foreign territory.

Our mate ought to be a helpmate, your best friend, your only lover.  Yet if she/he is the only one it places too much pressure on that person.  It is better to have a network set up of friends–others who also love you too.

The well which you draw from to love others is endless.  Love is infinite.  The more you can give the more you have.  And it comes back ten fold.  It is the only thing that matters.  When everything is stripped from you that is all that is left:  love.  It is the only thing that matters in life.

There are many very lonely millionaires out there who have discovered:  money can’t buy happiness.  The best part about it is love is free.  So give it away.  You will never be disappointed.

The  fact is the world is interdependent.  We need one another.  This is never more apparent than when we are in a crisis.  Money can not buy “roots”.  Roots take years, decades to develop.  A lot of people do not take the time to develop roots, relationships with others.

When you reach out to others and help others in need, you are developing roots in the community.  It is a question of keeping your ears and eyes open around you.  Needs are there.  You have to figure, how can I reach out to the persons around me.  Your neighbors will tell you.  You just have to pay attention and figure out what can I do which will help this person I am having contact with.  It is just being alert.

What does this have to do with our failing economy?  Hard times force us to rely on one another more, to be more resourceful.  It destroys the illusion we don’t need Him.  And others.  We need one another.  And that is never more apparent than when we are not sure where the next meal is coming from or when we are struggling to pay our bills.  A failing economy puts most people in the same boat.  And we help one another more readily.  A failing economy is not  necessarily a bad thing.

The fact is we are all unequally gifted.  Some people are very talented:  can do almost anything and be successful.  Some people have more.  Some people have less.  Envy can eat at you.  There is a good reason “Thou shall not covet” is one of the ten commandments.

But when you rail at the higher powers for being so unfair with your worldly station, it only leads to problems and dissatisfaction.  Pray to God with thanksgiving.  There is a reason for that advice in the bible.

Otherwise we are this whining entity wanting this and that from above.  I think of God being above and millions maybe billions of strings are pulling at him all wanting it a different way.  Realizing everything is by grace and thanking God for all your blessings corrects your dissatisfaction with your life.

Insisting on God (or a higher power) being fair only can frustrate you.  Because life is NOT FAIR.  The serentity prayer is worth repeating and these are not the exact words:  what is in your control change, accept what isn’t and have the wisdom to know the difference.  These are not the exact words but it gets the point across.  Grab the control in your life you can, realize what you have no control of.  And accept the results.  That is the beginning of wisdom.

Matthew 25:14-46

14   For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.
15   And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.
16   Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents.
17   And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two.
18   But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money.
19   After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.
20   And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.
21   His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
22   He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.
23   His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
24   Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed:
25   And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.
26   His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed:
27   Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.
28   Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents.
29   For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.
30   And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.