The music is soothing and I will play it over and over and also search for other quiet music until this phase of mine passes.  I can’t listen to uptempo music right now.  I don’t think my episode will last too long.  I am still sleeping whole nights so I am not overly concerned.  I will play it by ear.  The more I can soothe my nerves the quicker I will return to normal.

There are too many books, too much music particularly LP’s, too many knickknacks, electronic, computer and stereo equipment.  Some of it is broken down and other equipment is obsolete.

I just want to throw away some stuff, give it away, whatever.  Some of it is not mine.  It belongs to my wife.  I don’t know how to straighten up our house.  I am surrounded by things.

I just want to throw up my hands.  I don’t know where to start.  It is driving me crazy.  The disorder that is.  I want to say “abracadabra” and wake up and most of the stuff is gone.  I just don’t know what to do.

I am not sure I will ever do any thing earthshaking.  Nor will I ever be the President or some CEO of a corporation.  I realize maybe what I do in my own backyard might be important.

Notoriety or fame is overrated.  I remember reading in Bob Dylan’s autobiography how he wanted fame early on and then got it and wished he didn’t have it.  He wanted his children to have a normal existence and they could not.

Some weirdo was always showing up on his doorsteps.  Anonymity is really a gift.  And the famous lose it.  Dylan bemoaned its loss.  And realized fame was not what it was cut out to be.

I will continue to do what the Lord has called me to do.  Whether or not others recognize it.  The words I write if they impact at least one person they served their purpose.  I will continue to reach out and love the people around me.

The words from this song remind me to continue writing for it still matters to me no matter how many people read it.  So I continue for I know I have to.

I remember the few times my family went on vacation without me (I raised a boy and girl) things actually did not move.  They stayed in the same spot.

But I have to live with my own messes.  So does my wife.  I try to logically place items I put away.  Currently we are running out of space for books.  And we still buy more.  And I have run out of space for newly recorded cassettes.

We have empty cassette racks but we have to agree where to place them.  And that has not occurred yet.  It would take me another lifetime to play all the cassettes I have not heard.  Don’t ask me where we got them that is another story.

All this drives me crazy (and my wife).  Sometimes parts of my house actually looks neat and organized.  Until next time.

Mary Travers died last year of leukemia.  I loved Peter, Paul & Mary.  My wife fell in love with them again when she listened over and over to the ninety minute cassette I had made of the group.

Every once in awhile I listen to the first album they made (titled Peter, Paul & Mary) (1962).  It is still my favorite one of theirs.  Every time I play it I have to sing along.

Listening to that album again is still like a spiritual experience to me.  It is still magic.  I have no regrets.  I saw them in concert when I wanted to.  I will miss Mary Travers and Peter, Paul & Mary although they left behind a fine musical legacy.

Sure you can fall in love just with the music.  And never care about the lyrics.  “Baker Street” is such an example for me.  I have no idea what the lyricist is talking about but I love the song because the music is so strong but those songs are the exceptions.

And sometimes I love a line here and there of a song, love the music and fall in love with the whole song.  “My Back Pages” written by Dylan and performed by The Byrds is such a song.  I absolutely love that song.

When I listen to a new song it is always the music I listen to first and then the lyrics unless it is a great song and I capture both at the same time.

Usually if I like the music of a song, I eventually listen to the lyrics to see if they have substance and are well written.  I may dismiss the song if the lyrics have no substance and are not well put together.  It all depends how strong the music is.

Nevertheless, it is always about the music.  And that comes first.  Then I pay attention to the lyrics.

All of a sudden other things come to the forefront:  your relationship with loved ones, maybe your legacy also.  Your possessions which maybe you spent a lifetime accumulating do not matter that much.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft and the richest person in the whole world, realized that;   when he founded with his wife what is today’s largest private foundation pouring in it more and more of his energy and resources (billions of dollars) in that endeavor.

In my case, I can not take my journals, books and music I spent a lifetime collecting with me when I go.  I have to figure out what is truly important in my life.  I do not want to waste time.

Often when someone faces his/her deathbed and realizes the way they spent their time really does not matter.  Your impending death shifts your priorities and also forces you to reexamine your value system.

Too many people die alone because they did not invest time in others.  Did not Jesus say, “When you lose your life, you find it”.  I think that is a paraphrase.

When you are in the dusk of your life, you find out the most valuable commodity you possess is time.  All the money in the world can not buy you one more minute on earth.

That realization  forces you to examine your life carefully.  It is never too late to make a change although it is easy to regret the time you lost in fruitless endeavors.  You can never turn back the clock but there is always today.

I can tell you when I string together on a cassette, let us say forty minutes of music, composed, maybe, of thirteen songs, it somehow fits together.  It is done intuitively and is based on forty years of listening ten of thousands of hours.

An anthology of music I put together that way contains the “best” of what is out there and fits together.  Ultimately taste in the quality of music is a gift.  Music is mathematics and my experience in listening enables me to separate the mediocre from the very good and also know what music blends together.

The best songs from the “Stones” and “The Beatles” to name two familiar groups hold up well because the musicianship is impeccable and holds up well to repeated listening.  The composers had a superb ear and the ability to get it “right”.  Music is always mathematics.

This was to be the second year I was going to pick raspberries in a patch I discovered last year on my property.  And then I discovered this patch.  I did not know who the owners were.  The berries were wild.  I picked enough at the new patch for at least two pies.

It amazed me I never noticed that patch before.  It was ten feet in from the road and I happened to notice it when my dog was sniffing around there.  What else am I missing right under my feet?

I was going home from church and took the long way because the land was wilder and I never knew what wildlife I would see from this road.

I was not disappointed this time:  I flushed a dozen wild turkey hens.  I do see wild turkey around here but I had never seen so many at one time.  I was thrilled to say the least.

I never know for sure what discovery I will make next time.  We have thousands of books between us and there is an universe in each of them so I have no need to travel too far to explore the next universes.

And that does not even include universe after universe in my music– thousands of LP’s, cassettes and CD’s.

I never run out of things to explore.  I do not have to go to far but don’t get me wrong I do enjoy traveling once in a while.  I just don’t feel I have to.

I am as guilty as anyone of this.  My music, my writings and journals and books are far too important to me.  Yet when my appointed hour comes, I can no longer hang on to any of these things.

Why do we act as if we can take our possessions with us when we die?  We try up till the last moment to retain some control of our most valuable possessions.  We make wills.

The fact still remains we can’t take them with us.  Wouldn’t it make more sense to invest in the things that really have more lasting effects?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to invest time while you are on earth in relationships–your immediate family, your friends, your kids?

Once you are gone all people have are their memories of you, the love and care you have demonstrated toward them.  You can have far reaching effects if you have invested time and love in others while you were on this earth.  People you have loved have memories of you long after you are gone.

Far too many people do not invest time in others.  They spend their whole life in accumulating things.  No one remembers how hard you worked in your lifetime.  They remember the love you have demonstrated toward them.  So before it is too late, do something about it.  Examine your priorities.  You have one life.

I would be more careful with those two things.  Both of them I had control of.  I just had to exert it.  Too much of the TV I watched revolved around mayhem and murder and the music I listened to was simply not very edifying.

I certainly can avoid both.  It would take awhile but I was acting as if I had no control of my moods and was a victim.

Let me see what happens if I become more careful of the TV programs I watched as well as the music I took in.

What if I played music and TV that was more edifying?  Maybe my depression would lift or my moods would improve.  It certainly was worth trying.

And I imagine if I looked at my life more carefully there would be other things that were more in my control but I will start off with these two things.

I PODS AND OTHER TECHNOLOGY

“Download your favorite TV program
On your I Pod,” the commercial implored.

Tell me?  Why would I want to do that?
I do not care how good the technology is.
Or how clear that 4 square inch screen is.
After all, it is only 4 square inches.
I have to squint to view the screen.

And another thing:
Who is going to stand
In one spot
For sixty minutes
Holding their I Pod motionless
Viewing their favorite episodes
Of “Sex and the City”
Or whatever?

Sure you can watch your favorite music video.
I have the same problem.
Who wants to hold it still
For three and a half minutes?
I do not care how crisp the clarity
Of the screen is.
How can you possibly make out
The minute figures in it?

Of course, you need headphones
Aren’t you risking hearing loss
If you “pump” the volume high enough
And long enough?

I prefer watching my TV programs
And music videos
On my 28 inch TV screen–
374 square inches NOT 4.

Yes, now you can
Connect your I Pod
To an electronic component with speakers.
In the confines of your home.
Excuse me,
Wasn’t that what
We used to call a stereo?
I prefer listening to my two feet high Bose speakers.

And the commercials are bragging
How much smaller and thinner
They are making I Pods (and other MP3’s)
(and cellular phones).

Now I even saw an ad
In a magazine
Boasting how
Your cellular can possess
Gazillions of memory
And still fit in the palm
Of your hand

The keys on the keyboard
Would be so tiny
How could you possibly use it?

Yah, I know there will always be someone
Who will buy the latest gadget
No matter how impractical the “play toy” is.

All I can do is shake my head.

Am I the only person who thinks
This use of technology
Is ridiculous?

Let me know?

I started listening to music seriously over forty years ago.  I knew back then I was not that articulate.  Music expresses the inexpressible so I was able to relate to it.  My favorite group then was Jefferson Airplane.  I came to the conclusion one reason I loved this group so much (I still do today) because their music had, at times, an angry tone and growing up I was not permitted to express anger at all, in any degree, so listening to them was cathartic.

As I grew older, my tastes kept expanding and were very eclectic.  I listened to a broad range of music:  blues, rock and roll, jazz, just about everything.

Although I spent hours everyday listening to music, it was not wasted time:  my mind would roam.  I started keeping journals and writing poetry.  I was gradually becoming more and more creative and that process started with  music.

At the same time, I was also becoming more and more articulate.  Music still was important and I continued to listen all those years every day for hours.  I never stopped.  In fact, I am very fortunate my wife shares my love of music.  I am always acting as her personal DJ.

I do not know if any of theses explanations explain my love of music or why I listen but maybe you can identify with some of these reasons or my drive to keep listening.

I am the only one in my family who is obsessed with music.  I can explain it quite plainly:  I want to listen to music almost more than I want to breathe.  I do not think you can be driven more than that.

In addition to the Blogs, I hope to encourage and inform poets and writers at Siggy’s Cafe For Writers & Poets, www.siggyscafe.com.  Here you will find many pages of articles, poems, suggested reading, and more, plus a special section devoted to my love of music.  Siggy

A good piece of music has power:  it can bring you up or even down.  And the best sometimes can do both.  You must be aware of the impact of the music you listen to and play it at appropriate times.

It is true there is no such thing as secular music.  Nevertheless, the piece can edify you or subvert you and you must be aware of what you are listening to and its power.  Subliminal messages can be conveyed.  Music can drive you up or bring you down.  You must be careful.