Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

Having a childhood friend is a real gift.  We have a history.  He knew my parents and the sisters.  We have a connection I do not necessarily understand but it is there.  He is retired now.  I am not working so I can visit him any time.  He and I were on our high school tennis team.  In our freshman year, in the county championship we played second doubles and won and the newspaper reporter covering the match called us ‘peanut sized freshman’. (???) He did grow up to be six foot.  I didn’t.  Now he lives with his wife in New Orleans.  He used to live in Ohio and we camped in PA for at least five years in a row in a state park somewhat equidistant from our homes.  We have seen each other at least the last eight years once a year.  We had a long period we were out of touch–over thirty years.  I did not know where he lived but my sister went to a high school reunion and I found out from her what city he lived in and I tracked him down.  He still makes me laugh with his wry, understated humor.  And I found out we still have a “connection”.  We never run out of things to discuss.  Not many people have that kind of history with a childhood friend.  We attended the same grammar school grades and high school.  I know he is a real gift.

Tags: camping, childhood friend, county championship, He still makes me laugh after fifty years, high school reunion, high school tennis team, my parents, my sisters, New Orleans, Ohio, PA, We attended the same high school, we have a history, We still have a "connection" after all these years, We were in the same grades in grammar school, We were on the tennis team
Posted in humor, relationships, time | No Comments »

Why is it your own “blood” does not validate you?  My writing growing up was always taken for granted by my immediate family–my mom and dad and two sisters.  In the beginning it was my letter writing.  In the sixties I started keeping a journal.  In the late seventies I wrote poetry.  And now I am going on the fifth year of keeping a web site and blog.  Both of my parents are now dead.  I am not sure if my two sisters ever go on my web sites.  They usually don’t comment on them.  My writing is who I am, what is going on which is important to me.

Gratefully my wife cares about my writing, as well as other friends.  I found out I had a talent for making people laugh at open mikes.  And that is a validation of my writing although humor is not the only type of writing I do.  I keep getting hits on my web sites and that is encouraging.  And occasionally I get a poem published in a literary magazine.  I guess we choose our friends.  We can’t choose our family.  Up till his dying day my father who lived until ninety-two was more impressed with money than anything I wrote.  I was a failure in that area.  That still hurts.  Sometimes you have to go outside of your family for validation.  And that was my case.

Tags: blog, choose our friends, dad, friends, humorous writing, immediate family, impressed with money, keeping a journal, late 1970's, letter writing, literary magazine, make people laugh, Mom, my parents, my wife, open mike, poem, poetry, sisters, taken for granted, validation by parent, we can't choose our family, web site, writing, writing is who I am, your talents and gifts
Posted in art, death, humor, life, money, relationships, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession | No Comments »

The worst diagnosis I ever received was being considered mentally ill.  I had to fight for decades for my sanity.  I doubted my own mind.  I did not trust me.  And that is devastating when you do not even trust your own mind.  I had to understand me and also be able to rely on me.  The stigma my parents felt when I started breaking down became internalized.  I hated me every time I end up in a hospital or psychiatric ward.  The treatment I received was, also, devastating.  I was no longer treated as a citizen with all the rights due me.  I became a second class citizen with no civil rights.  They were all taken away from me because I broke down in a way society frowned upon.  It was not my fault.  Some people become drug addicts.  Some become alcoholics.  I was punished by the system because I was manic-depressive.  They would shoot me full of Thorazine to stamp out the mania which was not my fault.  I was stigmatized for being mentally ill.  I read everything I could to understand me and how to find a way I could exist in this society.  I do take medication now for my condition but all I do is take some pills in the morning and then evening and then forget about it.  I know who I am and like who I am.  I have learned to reach out to others.  I do not want others to go through the hell I did.  If reading this blog makes it a little easier for you on your journey I will be happy.  This is part 1 of this discussion.

Tags: hospital, mania, manic-depressive, mental illness, mentally ill, my parents, no civil rights, no longer treated as a citizen, psychiatric medications, psychiatric ward, reach out to others, stigma, Thorazine, trust your own mind
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

Every time I pass a river or creek I want to look upstream or downstream. I don’t know always know why. On certain bridges, I hope to spot a great egret or a snowy egret, a considerably smaller bird, although both are completely white.

It always has something to do with the unknown. I never know exactly what to expect. Even when the river is parallel to the road I still try to peer between the rapidly passing trees to see what I could see.

Every body of water fascinates me from no matter from what vantage point I view it–car, train, whatever. I have been this way as long as I remember.

I keep my eyes peeled for any ducks or other kind of birds that I pass always wanting to identify them. I was amazed that one of two visiting friends (from NYC) could not identify a bird as common as a male cardinal. I guess you do not see many birds in the middle of the city.

I have always made it my business to name the birds I see. And if I see one I don’t recognize, I try to remember some distinct feature of it so I can consult my bird book and properly identify it.

I always pay attention to the birds around me. I grew up in the city but my Mom had a garden with all kinds of things in it including tomatoes and all kind of flowers, an apricot tree and even a fig tree. And that is, of course, an incomplete list.

On weekends my Dad often took us to the mountains and seashore and lakes. I owe both of my parents a great debt for introducing me to nature. I grew to love birds and took care studying them and loved to identify them–even from a speeding car. I learned to respect nature and the wild.

Tags: apricot tree, bird book, bird-watching, birds, body of water, creek, ducks, fig tree, flowers, garden, great egret, identify birds, introducing me to nature, lakes, male cardinal, mountains, my Dad, my Mom, my parents, nature, NYC, river, seashore, snowy egret, studying birds, tomatoes
Posted in beauty, birds, knowledge&learning, nature, time | No Comments »

I forget sometimes to close cabinet doors and that drives my wife crazy.  She calls me careless.  I do not do it deliberately.  Nevertheless, I get chastised by my other for doing that.

I usually have two or more things on my mind at one time.  It is amazing I close any but I do for she complains.  She insists after I use the toaster and toaster oven I pull the plug.  I do, but every once in awhile I forget.  And then get yelled at for it.

Every marriage is really composed of many small things you work out between the two of you.  She does the checkbook for she has to balance it to the penny.  I would write in the register and make small errors and it would take her hours to locate them so I no longer write in the register.

It drove me nuts that our tax returns were always late.  I once asked her about it and it seems that her Dad’s returns were always late.  My parent’s were always on time.  Marriage is composed of myriad details you work out one by one.  Even making sure the dirty socks are not inside out.  She does the laundry.

Tags: balance the checkbook, cabinet doors, details in marriage, dirty socks, doing laundry, many small things in marriage, marriage, my parents, my wife, tax return, toaster oven, unplug the toaster
Posted in balance, humor, knowledge&learning, life, local, love, marriage, money, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

Your roots are not just the physical area you live in.  It is the memories you have accumulated in the past and continue to do so.

For over twenty years I visited Miami.  I no longer want to.  My parents lived there but now both are deceased and I have no ties there.  There is no longer any reason to go back.

I lived in Duncannon for fifteen years.  I still have friends there but it is no longer my home.  My wife and kids don’t live there any longer.  I may visit but it is no longer my home.

Our roots are the people who are the most important to us.  It is the people we reach out to every day (and who reach out to us).  It is the lives we are intertwined with.

Of course, the areas we have lived in the past we associate with certain memories.  Your roots are always invisible but real nevertheless.  And is always more than the particular area you live in.

Tags: deceased, Duncannon, friends, intertwined lives, memories, Miami, my home, my kids, my parents, my wife, no longer my home, no ties anymore, where you live, your roots
Posted in balance, children, death, God, knowledge&learning, life, local, marriage, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

Why can’t people talk openly about death?  It is a mystery but so what.  Death claims us all.  The mortality rate is 100 per cent but no one wants to talk about it.

We act as if it is a curse.  When death occurs in a hospital, patients are just whisked away as if they were never there.  No one wants to die alone.  Dying has become very impersonal.  Thus the hospice movement.

All this is running through my mind when my kidney function worsened and my nephrologist said she might put in motion dialysis and I found out only one third of patients on dialysis survived five years and another said 20 per cent died the first year.

All of a sudden it looked as if I will never see seventy–much less the age my parents died (my Mom was eighty and my Dad was ninety).  I am sixty-one.

It has been three weeks since my last visit with my nephrologist and I was depressed.  I needed to talk about my condition but it was not so easy.  People do not talk openly about death except in passing at best.

I even had difficulty with those closest to me–my wife.  On one level we all know we are going to die but we act as if that is never going to happen.  I just asked for one thing:  I wanted to die with grace.  I just wanted to talk about it and there was no one.

Tags: 61 years old, act like we will never die, death, death is a mystery, depressed, dialysis, die alone, die with grace, difficulty talking about death, dying impersonal, hospice, hospital, kidney function, mortality, mortality rate 100 percent, my parents, my wife, needed to talk, nephrologist, no one to talk to, not a curse, patients whisked away, talk openly about death
Posted in balance, death, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, marriage, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »