Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

I am convinced God created marriage for only one reason:  to teach us how to love better.  That is the only reason, as far as I am concerned, this institution was created.

I am extremely self centered and narcissistic.  Marriage forces me to examine my foibles and flaws.  I mess up all the time and hurt my “other”.

I have to apologize and ask her for her forgiveness.  I know precisely how flawed I am although I, often, am not aware exactly how having definite blind spots.  Marriage forces you to examine your weaknesses and attempt to correct them.

Your partner sees the worst in you given enough time.  There is no doubt about that.  One never sees what goes on behind closed doors nor should they.

When we are in a primary relationship we have a chance to examine our flaws again.  First we have to become aware of them, then decide how we want to change.  Every family is dysfunctional.  The only question is to what degree.

When we are in a relationship we are forced to examine our shortcomings.  We have a chance to examine our childhood again.  Every relationship is flawed including our parents’.  When we live with someone nothing is hidden too long.

As time goes on, we have a chance to correct flaws we become aware of.  I laughed at my friend when he said marriage is “work” (that was in my single days).  I am no longer laughing at him.  Marriage is work.  Hopefully the pluses outweigh the minuses and the marriage survives.

Living with another is the hardest thing in the whole world.  It is the compromises we have to work out that insure the success of the marriage.  Living with another forces us to get out of our self-centeredness and forces us to love another human being better.

There are no easy answers to each marriage, each marriage is different.  There is no more common institution than marriage to change the other.  Too many people do not want to do the hard work it takes to continue the marriage or examine themselves and their flaws.  Thus the high divorce rate.  There are no easy answers to any marriage; it all takes time (and commitment) to one another.

Tags: apologize, behind closed doors, blind spots, change, childhood, commitment, compromise, divorce, dysfunctional family, examine your weaknesses, flawed, forgiveness, God, love, marriage, marriage is work, narcissistic, our parents, our shortcomings, relationship, self-centered, teach us to love better, your partner
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I have to remind myself of this over and over. My relationship with my wife has been somewhat ragged over the last few weeks. I have accused her of being self-centered and extremely narcissistic.

It is immaterial how true this is. The fact remains I have no control of her–just me. No matter what the truth of these statements are it really does not matter.

Again, I have to look at my own behavior and see what is in my power to change. And words are cheap. My behavior toward her will speak volumes.

I can accuse her of all kinds of things and they may be on target. The fact remains: I have no control of her. I have to work on getting my temper in control and on other things that were non-productive towards creating peace. This is what I have to remind myself over and over.

I forget this so easily and adapt an accusatory tone toward her. This is doing me no good to point fingers at her. I have to start with me and me only. How easily I forget this.

Tags: change behavior, God, have control over myself, look at my own behavior, marriage, my wife, narcissistic, no control over others, peace, point fingers, relationship, self-centered, temper
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