Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

Every thing is always about balance.  Some thing goes wrong between your wife and you.  So then you correct the problem.  There is nothing wrong about problems.  It indicates something between both of you needs to change.  Or you need to make some kind of adjustment.  Life is full of adjustments (and problems).  The only people who never have to change are under the ground.  It is a natural process.  And it happens all the time.  Problems are what makes our life interesting.  And the ongoing changes (and adjustments) they necessitate.  Life is always about seeking equilibrium.  One way this way.  And one way the other direction.  A constant seesaw.  Of course some people are in the middle most of the time.  And they do not get ruffled easily.  Most, though, are not that lucky.

Tags: constant seesaw, God, life is balance, life is full of adjustments, make an adjustment, natural process, not ruffled easily, ongoing changes, problems, seeking equilibrium, your wife
Posted in balance, death, God, knowledge&learning, life, marriage, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

Nothing is more precious than your name.  When that become tarnished, it becomes very difficult to get back.  Your reputation is everything.

Proverbs in the Bible says your name is more precious than all the money in the world.  That is a paraphrase but an accurate one.

You spend a lifetime building up a reputation and have to guard it with your life.  There is nothing you own that is more important than your name.  Your integrity is everything.

And there is no greater test to it than when things go wrong.  Do you handle problems face on and do not become defensive or give excuses when you make a mistake.  It matters.

To me the greatest test of a company (like a person) is when things go wrong.  Do you associate the name of the company with respect and integrity to the customer they serve.

Companies spend a lifetime building their name so you associate the company with courtesy and respect and trust.  Their name (like your individual name) is everything so be very careful of your reputation.  It is everything.

Tags: Bible, company, courtesy, customer, God, integrity, money, problems, Proverbs, respect, tarnished, things go wrong, trust, your name, your reputation
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

Sex gives you a chance to do it all over again. Your childhood, your upbringing, your faults, your parents’ hangups all is revealed in the sexual relationship you engage in.

A committed extended relationship gives you another chance to work through your make-up, your psychological, deep rooted difficulties.

Nothing is hidden in sex. You may think so but it is not. I like a line from a Tim Buckley song, “In secret divorce they will never survive” from the song “Goodbye and Hello.”

Everything is revealed in sex. You may not be aware of it but it is. And your partner has their own separate set of problems. And somehow you need to work it out. Sex is the playground. And some relationships do not make it (and dissolve).

Sex exposes deep seeded difficulties when you raise kids where your childhood and upbringing is revealed. Every family is dysfunctional. We are all imperfect and flawed. Sex reveals this in a way that almost nothing else does.

Flesh to flesh nothing is hidden. It is just a question if you are willing to face your hangups and those of your partner. Not every one is willing to work through this.

Tags: "Goodbye and Hello", "In secret divorce they will never survive", difficulties, every family is dysfunctional, face your hangups, flesh to flesh, God, nothing is hidden in sex, problems, relationships, sex, Tim Buckley, upbringing, we are all flawed, we are all imperfect, work it out, your childhood, your faults, your parents, your partner
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

I never waited for any future magical moment to be happy. When I had less money I still enjoyed myself–even when I did not have enough.

Although I dreamed of a normal existence–more normal that is (an existence like one day being married and have a family, children), I still did not bemoan my fate.

And it did happen. And when it did, the period was no utopia: other problems presented themselves and had to be solved. And not all of them had a solution.

Each period of my life when I had less and when I had more I still was determined to find joy in life.

I did not keep postponing my life even when there were dreams not fulfilled. Every moment I had some joy (and sometimes sorrow) in it.

And the remainder of my life I do not dread. Death will be another joy, mystery. After all, it is another part of living. And every part is to be enjoyed.

Tags: children, death another joy, death another mystery, did not keep postponing my life, dreams, enjoy life, enjoyed myself, find joy in life, happiness, joy and sorrow, life, living, marriage, problems
Posted in beauty, children, death, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, mental health, money, relationships, seasons, time, wisdom | No Comments »

Insisting your relationship be fifty fifty creates problems.  First of all the give and take in a relationship is seldom equal.  Consider it like a pendulum:  sometime one gives more and sometimes it is the other.

And sometimes it is just one sided.  Often due to bad health.  The commitment you made said for better or worse or in sickness or health.

Of course when the giving is always one sided problems arise.  I am convinced that God created woman just to teach man how to love.  There is always a flow back and forth.

When you insist it be tit for tat it is not love.  Each person gives what they can.  And sometimes we do not appreciate one another.  That is when most problems come about.  And then one brings out the score sheet.

Relationships are always in a state of flux.  Insisting it be fifty fifty all the time does not recognize this reality and creates major problems–resentment by one party being one.

Tags: appreciate one another, commitment in marriage, fifty-fifty, for better or worse, give and take, give what you can, giving, God, health, in sickness and in health, men, problems, relationship, resentment, score sheet, tit for tat, woman
Posted in balance, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, relationships, time, wisdom | 1 Comment »

I have to allow my wife to disagree but it is difficult and that causes me all kinds of problems.  We had little fights, usually, when I have felt she was unreasonable and had no business meddling in something that was my really my business (???).

For example, our car needed vacuuming and I wanted to go into town to the local car wash to use the vacuum cleaner.  She said we have a perfectly good Shop Vac to use on the car.  That was true.

To use it, I had to run an extension cord outside and drag out the Shop Vac from the basement.  I would rather plunk three quarters in the machine in town, quickly vacuum the car and be done with it.  When she found out what I did, she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours.

The latest spat was when I was making cheesecake cupcakes and I ran out vanilla.  She said I would be fine if I swish out the bottle for the remaining part of the recipe.

I ran down to the store for more vanilla.  She was not too happy with me and I became angry at her for giving me a hard time.

To me, it was “small shit” and I could not understand why it was so important to her.  The problem was really my reaction to her.  I became angry, raised my voice.  It is amazing what couples fight over.

To me life is too short.  What usually happens is our will clashes.  And then sparks fly.  I guess this is the perennial fight between couples:  how they resolve differences.

How many marriages broke up because he left toothpaste smeared on the bathroom sink one time too often?  Or some small thing like that taking the couple over the edge.

Marriage is working out every detail between the partners.  And there are probably some problems you will never resolve but hopefully not too many over the span of the relationship.

Hopefully most of the “rough” edges” between the two of you get smoothed out over time.  Too much unresolved conflict is not healthy.

Tags: argue, basement, become angry, car wash, cheesecake, clash of wills, couples, cupcakes, disagree, fight, health, life is short, marriage, meddling in my business, my wife, our car, problems, raise my voice, resolve differences, shop vac, silent treatment, sparks fly, toothpaste, unresolved conflict, vacuum cleaner, vanilla, what couples fight over, your partner
Posted in balance, God, health, humor, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, money, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

The isolation you impose on yourself is bad because the problems you face become inflated.  When you break your silence and share your problems with trusted friends, you gain more of a proper perspective of your problems.

When you go beyond the borders of your house and mix with others, you usually find out others are also dealing with difficulties sometimes even worse than yours.

My favorite Norman Vincent Peal anecdote is when he was once walking with a acquaintance and this person ranted and railed about all the difficulties he was undergoing.

Norman interrupted the person in the middle of his conversation and asked him, “Do you want to know where you can go where you will no longer have problems?”  And the person exhorted him to tell him that immediately and Norman simply pointed to the ground.

Sometimes we forget difficulties are just normal state of affairs and we need someone to remind us of that fact.  Isolating yourself prevents you, often, from finding this elementary fact.

When you connect with someone and suddenly during the course of the conversation you find this out there is often a sigh of relief from you.

Life is full of problems and worries and concerns and it is important to find out yours are really not that unique and all are part and parcel of being alive.

Tags: being alive, break the silence, concerns, connect with someone, death, difficulties, difficulties are normal, do not isolate yourself, get out of the house, God, isolation is bad, life, life full of problems, Norman Vincent Peale, perspective, problems, problems inflated, share your problems, sigh of relief, trusted friends, worries
Posted in balance, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

You never have to do it alone.  Depression is born(e) of isolation.  Reach out to others in need you will break the spell of isolation.  We can not do it alone any way.

Isolation is bad for your problems become magnified.  And when you reach out to others your problems fade into the background.

The truth is every one has problems.  Solving them is what makes life interesting.  The only people who do not have problems are under ground.  So relish yours and at the same time reach out to others in need.  ‘No man is an island’ in the words of John Donne.

Tags: can not do it alone, depression, do it alone, every one has problems, isolation, John Donne, no man is an island, problems, problems fade, problems magnified, reach out to others, reach out to others in need, solving problems
Posted in balance, death, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

The first thing you do with broken records is realize you are one, too.  Our mate appears, at times, to be a broken record:  the same problems come up again and again and the same solutions are offered.  And your partner does not seem to approach their problems any differently.

Be compassionate.  You are no different.  As you do not want your mate to give up on you, do not give up on your mate.

Each of us are very flawed and not only that appear “stuck” sometimes.  Give your mate the same privilege.  You do not want her to give up on you so do not give up on her.

I often wondered why someone should never give up on a drug addict.  Bear with me.  This is an appropriate example.

Sometimes a drug addict is repeatedly in and out of facilities.  One should never give up on that person and I have to say you do not want to enable the person but nevertheless you should never give up on that person.  The reason for that is simple.  One never knows when that person is going to turn the corner, recover and stop being an addict.

In the same way, entrenched habits sometimes will change.  The thing is not to alienate the other in the process.  In a marriage each person comes with baggage.  The person often is not aware of some of that baggage.  That is one thing marriage does:  change the other.  That is the most common institution to do that.

Every marriage is really dysfunctional.  The family each of the persons grew up in was dysfunctional.  The only question is to what degree.  We are all imperfect.

What marriage does (or any other primary relationship) is to bring out your shortcomings.

In a relationship nothing is usually hidden for too long, and to go back to the original topic every partner hears the same old story from the other.  Anyway, that is the way it seems after awhile.

All you can do is love your partner.  Sometimes a partner will turn the corner in a certain area and sometimes not.  Each partner has to love the other.  I am convinced marriage was set up for one reason–to teach us how to love unconditionally.

We are all broken records at times but all we want is to be loved despite our faults.  So next time your partner sounds likes a broken record realize you are one, too, just a different one.  Flaws are flaws.

Tags: be compassionate, broken-record, do not give up, dysfunctional, faults, God, habits, love, love unconditionally, love your partner, marriage, problems, relationships, same-old-story, we all have baggage, we all want to be loved, we are all flawed, we are all imperfect
Posted in God, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

Life without problems to solve would be incredibly boring.  It is problems in our lives that make it a challenge.  And we mature as we learn to deal with them.

There is only one place that we don’t have any:  and that is when the Lord takes us.  We should be grateful for the opportunity to solve them.  And some never will be solved.  And others we just adjust to.  Our brain is designed for solving complex problems.

Conflict usually brings out the best in us.  Finding compromises and win-win situations is always a challenge.  If no one is satisfied with a solution, something is wrong with it.

Politics is just that–finding the best solutions which are almost always some kind of compromise between opposing parties.  There is really nothing wrong with politics.  It is in every area of our lives:  the family, government, the church, every institution you can think of.  The only question regarding politics is how fairly the compromises were worked out.

Politics almost always involves solving thorny problems.  As a rule, there are no easy answers and not everyone can be satisfied.  Problems are what make our lives interesting and challenging.  So do not bemoan them.  Problems keep us going and gives us a reason to get up each morning.  Be glad you have them.

Tags: brings out the best in us, challenges, church, compromise, family, finding solutions, God, government, make our lives interesting, no easy answers, our brain, politics, problems, solve problems, the Lord, thorny problems
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, life, politics, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »