I can’t react blindly to my mate.  Otherwise, I am controlled by her.  I have to choose my reaction.  If she is angry, I can’t react in anger.  I can deflect her moods better that way.  This was not my idea but I read it in a book.  And it makes perfect sense.  I balked initially.  But I tried it out.  And it does work.  Anger begets anger.  It says this in Proverbs (which is in the Old Testament).  The idea is not new.  There is a time for anger but not all the time.  It is a powerful emotion and you have to be careful when to vent.  Otherwise, it gets abused.

Nothing is more precious than your name.  When that become tarnished, it becomes very difficult to get back.  Your reputation is everything.

Proverbs in the Bible says your name is more precious than all the money in the world.  That is a paraphrase but an accurate one.

You spend a lifetime building up a reputation and have to guard it with your life.  There is nothing you own that is more important than your name.  Your integrity is everything.

And there is no greater test to it than when things go wrong.  Do you handle problems face on and do not become defensive or give excuses when you make a mistake.  It matters.

To me the greatest test of a company (like a person) is when things go wrong.  Do you associate the name of the company with respect and integrity to the customer they serve.

Companies spend a lifetime building their name so you associate the company with courtesy and respect and trust.  Their name (like your individual name) is everything so be very careful of your reputation.  It is everything.

If I am upset I want you to react to that.  Don’t be defensive or gloss over my mood.  And it goes your way too:  If I am not acting right, you need to gently tell me I am not behaving properly toward you.

I do not want to get out of control.  I do not want to reach the point of no return.  Please tell me before that happens.  You can tell me quietly.  I don’t want the silent treatment from you.

I always want you to be real.  No phony niceness.  You can cut me off before I go out of control.  It says in Proverbs an apt answer can defray anger.  That is a paraphrase.  Nevertheless, always be real with me.

It can prevent me from going out of control.  I really do not like being out of control.  Always be real with me.  Gentle but real.

We Think So Differently

Author: siggy

We think so differently.  My wife and I.  Sometimes that is hard to accept although I know one and one makes three in our case.  It really would be quite boring if we thought exactly alike.

She does drive me crazy but I imagine I do the same to her.  “Isn’t that what all wives do?” my doctor commented when I mentioned that to him.

I know I am more because she is by my side.  Studies over and over prove married people live longer which does not mean married life is not stressful at times:  it is.

But Proverbs says there is nothing worse than a man who falls down and has no one to pick him up.  It is true I lose certain things when I decided to marry but I also gain things.

I like what Scott Peck says about marriage, ‘People get married for the friction.’  His exact words in one of his books.  There is no more common institution to change you than marriage.

Change won’t happen without sparks.  I can testify to that.  And I am sure so can other people who entered that institution.  Will you survive them?  That is the only pertinent question.

Somehow I have to refrain from becoming angry.  I need to develop more patience.  There is a time and place for anger but if I fly off the handle too easily something is wrong.

I have to slow down, listen more closely.  ‘Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.’  Those words from Proverbs suggest a formula to avoid anger.

The first part of it forces you to slow down.  That is the only way you can be quick to listen.  You first have to refrain from talking, focus on the words of the person talking.

At the same time you may be able to digest the words spoken to you better.  The last part of the equation ‘be slow to anger’ suggests that if you listen better and also do not talk it may become a little easier not to react in anger.

These scriptures from Proverbs give me hope.  My wife has told me I repeatedly interrupt her.  I have to work on this.

Time is always a question of balance.  It is easy to keep yourself occupied.  Every person needs empty spaces in their lives.

It is all too easy to go faster and faster nowhere.  It is essential to slow down, even stop even if that is briefly.  ‘Be still and know I am God’, the words from Proverbs in the Bible.

How can you possibly hear that tiny voice inside you if you are always rushing from one thing to another?  It is so essential to stop periodically and examine your life, figure out where are you heading.

That tiny voice inside you is too often passed by you in busyness and turmoil.  ‘Observe the Sabbath’, one of the ten commandments, is there to encourage you to get off your treadmill and look at your life.

How can your life have balance if you do not give your self time to examine it?  How you use your time is always a question of balance.  That is the only way to hear your tiny voice so easily covered up by other things.

Again and again you have to return to your center.  Your center is what drives you–down deep inside–your mission statement.  Your center is not something you can keep forever.

You have to return to it over and over.  It is so easy to become “lost”.  There are so many things that can distract you–divert your attention.

In order to return to your center one has to be quiet.  ‘Be still and know I am God’, Proverbs in the Bible says.

The only way you can find your true center is to stop–be quiet long enough to prayerfully, thoughtfully determine what truly matters in your life.

In fact that is what the Sabbath was designed for–to stop your routine–to be quiet to get off your treadmill and reevaluate your life to make sure what you do truly fulfills your mission.

This whole discussion, of course, assumes you have found your center–your driving force.  Finding your center is really another discussion.

The point is is you continually have to stop periodically to find your center again.  It is so easy to get off track.  Being still gives you the opportunity to get back on track again.  And it has to be done over and over.

I still never forgot the passage from Proverbs in the Bible, which states and this is a paraphrase:  it is better to have a meal with others where much love is displayed and the pickings are thin, than to have a feast where very little love is exhibited.  Of course, the passage stated this much more succinctly.

Everyone has been in a crowd and felt very lonely for he/she did not have one genuine connection with anyone.  Love matters.  It always does.  It dispels fear, worry.

How many people have moved to a strange, unfamiliar area because they knew one person.  One person is all it takes to dispel loneliness and give you the courage to venture out into foreign territory.heart

Our mate ought to be a helpmate, your best friend, your only lover.  Yet if she/he is the only one it places too much pressure on that person.  It is better to have a network set up of friends–others who also love you too.

The well which you draw from to love others is endless.  Love is infinite.  The more you can give the more you have.  And it comes back ten fold.  It is the only thing that matters.  When everything is stripped from you that is all that is left:  love.  It is the only thing that matters in life.

There are many very lonely millionaires out there who have discovered:  money can’t buy happiness.  The best part about it is love is free.  So give it away.  You will never be disappointed.

It is so easy to get lost in the moment (or let us say the urgent).  You can flow from task to task never stopping.

I know.  I have been there.  You must stop, get off your treadmill, take in what is really going on.

Proverbs in the Bible says, ”Be still and know I am God.”  How can you possibly listen to that tiny voice inside of you if you do not stop your frantic activity.

The tiny voice, your conscience, is always there buried perhaps.  The only way you can possibly hear what that tiny voice inside you is telling is by stopping, changing your routine, permitting yourself to drift, do nothing.

This is very hard to do in a society that values action and does not reward quietness and being.  Yet if you do not stop how can you possibly know where you are or where you want to go or even where you are heading or the course of action you have chosen.

“Be still and know I am God.”  Very very good advice.  That is the only way you can tap that tiny voice that really never leaves.

Try taking an aimless walk or letting your mind drift.  It does not matter how you do it.  Just that you do it, slow down and tap that voice that never leaves you.  It might change the whole course of your life.  It is always there.  You just have to listen to it.

Writing is primarily psychological.  First you have to have something to say.  You need to be driven to reach out to an invisible audience, to solve a problem.  You may even know your end point but may not know how you are going to get there or what you are going to expound in the body of your text.

I never overly concerned about grammar (sic! the “fine editor” decided to leave this one as written!).  I know I can or my fine editor, my lovely and talented wife, can go back easily and tell me this or that needs correcting.  To be driven by passion, conflict is far more important.  If the feelings expressed are genuine they will always come through no matter how badly written the piece is.  Expressing yourself honestly and openly is what the reader responds to–not facile-ness.  It can be well written and say nothing.

Having something to say consistently always means providing quiet time for yourself and being able to listen to what the tiny voice inside of you saying:  “this is truly what is important and I want to express that openly to someone.”  Proverbs in the Bible says:  “Be still and know I am God.”

I am not going to discuss the existence of God in this piece but there is no doubt that one must have periods of reflection to continue to write.  Otherwise that person’s ideas will peter out eventually.  One must let his/her mind roam.  And that process is always psychological.  And that process is always a precursor to writing.

Marriage

Author: siggy

To some extent, choosing a good wife (or does she choose you?) is by serendipity.  Certainly a quarrelsome wife can drive you crazy.  There is no doubt some fits are better than others but commitment is the most important factor in the success of a marriage.  It is the glue that keeps it together.  It enables you to ride out bad times and each marriage has their share of rough moments.  The next is, maybe, good communication between both partners.  It is the ability to talk out everything.  A good marriage reduces your stress at home.  God knows you get enough outside the home.  Mutual respect goes a long way.  Working out difficult issues keeps you together.  Proverbs says a good wife is worth their weight in gold.  I have no doubt of this truth so value a good woman.  And do not let her go.