Oct
17
2012
The worst diagnosis I ever received was being considered mentally ill. I had to fight for decades for my sanity. I doubted my own mind. I did not trust me. And that is devastating when you do not even trust your own mind. I had to understand me and also be able to rely on me. The stigma my parents felt when I started breaking down became internalized. I hated me every time I end up in a hospital or psychiatric ward. The treatment I received was, also, devastating. I was no longer treated as a citizen with all the rights due me. I became a second class citizen with no civil rights. They were all taken away from me because I broke down in a way society frowned upon. It was not my fault. Some people become drug addicts. Some become alcoholics. I was punished by the system because I was manic-depressive. They would shoot me full of Thorazine to stamp out the mania which was not my fault. I was stigmatized for being mentally ill. I read everything I could to understand me and how to find a way I could exist in this society. I do take medication now for my condition but all I do is take some pills in the morning and then evening and then forget about it. I know who I am and like who I am. I have learned to reach out to others. I do not want others to go through the hell I did. If reading this blog makes it a little easier for you on your journey I will be happy. This is part 1 of this discussion.