It is just not good to stay in the house all the time.  Our thoughts just revolve.  And we need to break the cycle.  Sometimes it means taking chances with perfect strangers.  You never know when you will meet an angel.  And furthermore how can you possibly make new friends if you do not take a chance by revealing something personal about you?  Each friend you have was once a stranger.  Never stop reaching out.  Life is about relationships.  In John Dunn’s words, ‘No man is an island’.  We don’t exist by ourselves.  We are all connected.  Each person has a deep need to love and be loved.

Even if you do not talk to others (and this is hard not to do), you realize your world is not the only world.  There are multiple universes around you evolving.  A simple thing like going to the post office or the local supermarket can make a difference in your life.  You rub elbows with other people.

You hear snatches of conversations even if it is not directed at you.  It makes a difference.  Others have struggles in their life.  It is so easy to magnify your problems.  Going out exposes you to other peoples’ lives.

And there are those who have fractured relationships–marriages that are breaking up or simply for one reason or another are presently under a lot of stress.  And you overhear conversations that reflect this.

You are not alone.  You may find yourself reaching out to others.  And none of this would have happened if you continued to isolate yourself.  Go out.  It matters.  And reach out to others.  Your problems may shrink in proportion to others.  Isolation is never good.

In my case, I am sloppy and my wife is a packrat.  I may be sloppy but disorder does bother me.  Dust does not bother me as much as my wife although I am the same person who wrote a poem, “I Love Dirt.”

I can not change my partner.  I try but I usually fail.  And my partner does the same, tries to change me.  Both of us are usually unsuccessful in our attempts to change the other–radically anyway.

Our basic personality is set.  Couples spend lifetimes trying to smooth out the rough edges between them.  It gives you something to do and also makes your relationship more interesting although divorce is plentiful.

Many people give up on their partners.  I don’t know how many times I read a famous couple state the reason for their breakup is ‘irrevocable diffferences’.

Every couple is incompatible.  You work things out and there will always be issues that never can be worked out.  And somehow you need to accept your differences.  And respect them.  That is what makes the relationship work–respect.

It was a small thing but marriage is composed of many small acts.  Things you work out between you.  And every marriage is different.  It was important to her that I not place my dirty socks inside out on the dryer so I did it.  Little things matter.

Unfortunately my wife often does not have a chance to do the same.  When she gets up I am usually revved and wide awake.  I don’t know how many times my wife has lost her temper at me because I did not permit her time to get up and awake and would not stop talking to her.

Then my feelings are hurt.  And it may takes hours for us to recover from that.  I have suggested she go to the office and do her devotionals there and wait until she is ready for company.

She would indicate this by then entering the living room.  Of course I would leave her alone while she is in the office.  I have suggested this before.  I am hoping she tries this out.  I do not know why this is so hard to work this out between the two of us.  We will see.

You always have blind spots.  And so does your partner.  Marriage gives you an opportunity to expose some of these.  And change in the process.  Live with a person day in and day out and you have seen the positive and negative points of your partner.

And some of these points you were blind to until you had them pointed out usually in some kind of conflict.  Every relationship has conflict.  And conflict forces you to reexamine attitudes you possess that you may not have given much thought to until they caused you problems.

Usually couples who do not fight with one another are not dealing with their differences and flaws they possess.  Compromises ensure the success in the relationship.  And sparks usually fly in the process.

Eventually hopefully the rough edges between both of you are smoothed out.  Marriage gives you the opportunity to face blind spots and grow.  In a way no other common institution does.

Thus, you can never be disappointed and when one comes through and gives you something unexpectedly (and let us not forget the gift of their time probably the most precious commodity a person possesses), you simply can be grateful and consider it serendipity.

One can not live inside another and know what goes on, what pressures and concerns that person is facing.  It is hard enough when you live with someone so you can imagine how difficult it is with someone else.

When another person reaches out to you, you ought to be grateful and accept the gift.  Others give what they can, when they can.  That does not means you should not try to reach out to others around you.

Just be aware others often do not acknowledge your efforts and certainly do not always return the “favor” to put it one way.  You need to love others particularly your neighbors (and even strangers) unconditionally.

A relationship may blossom when you least expect it to.  And that is how it usually goes.

All of a sudden other things come to the forefront:  your relationship with loved ones, maybe your legacy also.  Your possessions which maybe you spent a lifetime accumulating do not matter that much.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft and the richest person in the whole world, realized that;   when he founded with his wife what is today’s largest private foundation pouring in it more and more of his energy and resources (billions of dollars) in that endeavor.

In my case, I can not take my journals, books and music I spent a lifetime collecting with me when I go.  I have to figure out what is truly important in my life.  I do not want to waste time.

Often when someone faces his/her deathbed and realizes the way they spent their time really does not matter.  Your impending death shifts your priorities and also forces you to reexamine your value system.

Too many people die alone because they did not invest time in others.  Did not Jesus say, “When you lose your life, you find it”.  I think that is a paraphrase.

When you are in the dusk of your life, you find out the most valuable commodity you possess is time.  All the money in the world can not buy you one more minute on earth.

That realization  forces you to examine your life carefully.  It is never too late to make a change although it is easy to regret the time you lost in fruitless endeavors.  You can never turn back the clock but there is always today.

Having to feel you must be a “nice” person all the time is not a good thing.  It prevents you from being real.  Being genuine is knowing you can make mistakes and those around you will still love you.

When you can not tolerate even the slightest degree of criticism, others have to walk delicately around you.  Others have a harder time being genuine around you.

There really is nothing wrong with being “nice” but the question is at what price?  If it is all the time, something is wrong.

You become afraid of others seeing how you really are.  You have to let down your shields at least with some people.  When you truly feel loved, this become easier.

When you can not tolerate any one being critical the slightest degree, you are handicapped at work, at home and in your significant relationships.  In every area.

It is a long uphill journey to corect the damage usually caused during childhood.  And a lot of people make it back successfully  and learn to love and be loved.  There is alwys hope.

In order to do that you have to reach deep within you, find the solution to resolve the impasse. This is all good. You must seek a creative solution to break the impasse.

In the process your roots are entangled with your partner, making your connection that much deeper. Conflict brings your deepest feelings to the surface.

After peace comes, you know your conflict resolution was genuine. Couples who do not argue are not facing their conflict head on but are superficially connecting with one another.

Anger indicates you have hit a nerve and you need to find a solution pleasing to both–often a compromise. Then a calm can come bringing peace to the couple. One needs to be kind in the process otherwise too many hurt feelings will hinder your resolution of your conflict.

Conflict can be a good thing. In the wake of a genuine solution, a couple’s relationship can become that much stronger. Conflict, in that case, is always beneficial.

You fight

Wonder

If you are right for each other

When love is not enough,

Angry, hurt words are spoken

Shattering the peace

When love is not enough

Sex disappears

And you wonder

What you ever

Saw in one another

When love is not enough

I have to forgive

My partner

For being

As imperfect

As I Am

When love is not enough

You have to start

From the beginning

Uncertain, unsure

Never knowing

Is love enough

Be compassionate.  You are no different.  As you do not want your mate to give up on you, do not give up on your mate.

Each of us are very flawed and not only that appear “stuck” sometimes.  Give your mate the same privilege.  You do not want her to give up on you so do not give up on her.

I often wondered why someone should never give up on a drug addict.  Bear with me.  This is an appropriate example.

Sometimes a drug addict is repeatedly in and out of facilities.  One should never give up on that person and I have to say you do not want to enable the person but nevertheless you should never give up on that person.  The reason for that is simple.  One never knows when that person is going to turn the corner, recover and stop being an addict.

In the same way, entrenched habits sometimes will change.  The thing is not to alienate the other in the process.  In a marriage each person comes with baggage.  The person often is not aware of some of that baggage.  That is one thing marriage does:  change the other.  That is the most common institution to do that.

Every marriage is really dysfunctional.  The family each of the persons grew up in was dysfunctional.  The only question is to what degree.  We are all imperfect.

What marriage does (or any other primary relationship) is to bring out your shortcomings.

In a relationship nothing is usually hidden for too long, and to go back to the original topic every partner hears the same old story from the other.  Anyway, that is the way it seems after awhile.

All you can do is love your partner.  Sometimes a partner will turn the corner in a certain area and sometime not.  Each partner has to love the other.  I am convinced marriage was set up for one reason–to teach us how to love unconditionally.

We are all broken records at times but all we want is to be loved despite our faults.  So next time your partner sounds likes a broken record realize you are one, too, just a different one.  Flaws are flaws.

Each partner needs a sense of perspective about themselves and the other.  An outside friend always helps.  Someone you feel safe with and at the same time does not threaten your relationship.  Particularly in relationships you have with the opposite sex you have to be very careful.  Engage in communication under very safe conditions that do not unnecessarily  threaten your partner.

And your situation becomes very difficult when every relationship threatens your partner.  It is a balancing act.  You always need to maintain your integrity.  Loyalty to the higher standard (truth, God, and if you want to call it the higher power) is always essential.

You want to remain loyal to your mate but at the same time it is important to keep your sense of perspective.  The only way that can be done is by having outside friends.  Those relationships also prevent you from becoming stale to your partner.  It is a paradox:  you must cleave to your mate but at the same time keep some distance (or proper perspective about each other).  Both partners are enriched by outside friends.

And each time your contact ends with your friend you have something more to share with your partner–maybe a slightly different take on something.  It is, always, as I said a balancing act.  You are aways enriched by maintaining your perspective about each other.  The last thing you want to do is have your relationship to become inbred (and stale).  Then your view of each other becomes magnified (instead of realistic).

The ability she has to love you seems quite elementary.  For a dog, that is.  Yet, so many people have quite a problem with it–expressing love and affection openly.  In fact, so many people are much more comfortable with their pets than humans.  There is no deceit, no lies, twisted truths demonstrated towards them by their pets.  They either like you or don’t.  There is no guile.

Of course, each animal has their personality.  Coco will stay out in the yard for hours all by herself and also when she is in the house she will often lie down on our bed all by herself.  She likes her privacy.  She is loved by everyone in this house and loves back freely.  That is no small thing.  There is a reason so many people own dogs.  They forgive quickly, just ask you for a bowl of food and water and do not make many demands beyond that except occasionally to sit on your lap and be petted.  Wouldn’t it be nice if others’ demands were that simple?  Love is never a simple thing.  Dogs , though, make it appear that way.

The  fact is the world is interdependent.  We need one another.  This is never more apparent than when we are in a crisis.  Money can not buy “roots”.  Roots take years, decades to develop.  A lot of people do not take the time to develop roots, relationships with others.

When you reach out to others and help others in need, you are developing roots in the community.  It is a question of keeping your ears and eyes open around you.  Needs are there.  You have to figure, how can I reach out to the persons around me.  Your neighbors will tell you.  You just have to pay attention and figure out what can I do which will help this person I am having contact with.  It is just being alert.

What does this have to do with our failing economy?  Hard times force us to rely on one another more, to be more resourceful.  It destroys the illusion we don’t need Him.  And others.  We need one another.  And that is never more apparent than when we are not sure where the next meal is coming from or when we are struggling to pay our bills.  A failing economy puts most people in the same boat.  And we help one another more readily.  A failing economy is not  necessarily a bad thing.

The fact is we are all unequally gifted.  Some people are very talented:  can do almost anything and be successful.  Some people have more.  Some people have less.  Envy can eat at you.  There is a good reason “Thou shall not covet” is one of the ten commandments.

But when you rail at the higher powers for being so unfair with your worldly station, it only leads to problems and dissatisfaction.  Pray to God with thanksgiving.  There is a reason for that advice in the bible.

Otherwise we are this whining entity wanting this and that from above.  I think of God being above and millions maybe billions of strings are pulling at him all wanting it a different way.  Realizing everything is by grace and thanking God for all your blessings corrects your dissatisfaction with your life.

Insisting on God (or a higher power) being fair only can frustrate you.  Because life is NOT FAIR.  The serentity prayer is worth repeating and these are not the exact words:  what is in your control change, accept what isn’t and have the wisdom to know the difference.  These are not the exact words but it gets the point across.  Grab the control in your life you can, realize what you have no control of.  And accept the results.  That is the beginning of wisdom.