I felt odd discussing my health situation: I went to my nephrologist (a kidney doctor) for the second time. The report of my condition was worst than I thought: my kidney function was down to twenty per cent and my doctor in the next visit was going to discuss putting me in dialysis. It takes six to twelve months to put into motion.
I started to mull over what this meant. A loss of my freedom. I could not easily go away. I had dreamed for forty years to travel to San Francisco maybe even by train (I loved train rides). I would visit my sister whose house I had never seen and my brother-in-law who I have never met. This would be almost impossible to do once I started dialysis. I could at most go away for a day or two at a time.
I was reeling from this news. I did not want to bear it alone. Sharing it with others meant reminding them of their own mortality. And death was the last taboo so I could not discuss my situation so easily with others. I felt all alone.
Time all of a sudden became very valuable. I did have a window. I am going to take the trip that I dreamed to take for most of my life before I start my dialysis. You only live once.
Tags: bear it alone, brother-in-law, death, death the last taboo, felt all alone, God, health, kidney doctor, kidney function, loss of freedom, mortality, my sister, nephrologist, reeling from news, San Francisco, share, time very valuable, train ride, window of time, you only live once
Posted in death, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, relationships, time, wisdom |
