Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

My birthday is coming up (and I am just depressed). I can not tell you exactly why although I can guess. Part of that is grief. Most of my life is over. I can’t go back. Wishing is futile. Somehow I need to settle things. My relationship with my daughter is fractured. I don’t know how to repair it. Lectures and judgements don’t do it. I am aware of the ticking time. I am running out of time. I guess, everyone wants to leave a legacy. I am working at getting my first book of poetry out but it is a long and uncertain process. My wife is the only one who really cares about that. She is my editor and a good one. Things really don’t matter. I really don’t know how much time I have left. For that matter, no one knows for sure. I know that somehow I need to make peace with the people who matter to me. I don’t know how. I am just depressed. That is all I know.

Tags: birthdays, depression, editor, grief, make peace with people, my birthday is coming up and I don't care, my daughter, my fractured relationships, my legacy, my wife, peace, poetry, publishing a book, running out of time, time, writing
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I can’t believe how fast the time is going. A little more than two weeks we will have reached winter officially and another thirteen weeks spring-officially anyway. It seemed as if Thanksgiving has just come and Christmas is less than three weeks away. Then New Year. I know every January and February we have at least one “freeze”. And those periods will seem forever. Before we know it the Farm Show will be here. And it invariably snows that week. There is always two periods of time. The Greek language described time at least two different ways. There will be the period where it flows forever. And then where everything happens in slow motion. All this at the same time.

Tags: Christmas and then winter and spring, Farm Show, February, freeze, Greek language, January, New Year, snow, thanksgiving, time, time going fast, time in slow motion, Time is experienced differently at the same time
Posted in life, local, nature, seasons, time | No Comments »

Sometimes depression is totally biochemical. Yesterday I was pretty depressed. I could certainly justify it, find reasons for it. I awoke today and it was like someone hit a switch: I was no longer depressed. It had vanished overnight. Depression is not always psychological. It is sometimes physiological. For some reason you are depressed. It has something to do with your brain chemistry. No more. No less. Time always bears this out.

Tags: brain biochemistry, depression, no longer depressed, physiological, psychological, time
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Yesterday winter was four weeks in.  Nine weeks to go officially.  You can see I don’t like winter.  Nine weeks is still a long way to go.  The Greeks had several different words for the word “time”.  One was for the physical aspect of it and another was for the actual meaning associated with the passing of time.  I just don’t like winter.  I bear it, wear enough layers of clothing so I am not cold.  That is about it.  I wish I could wave a wand and it was over but I can’t.  Nine weeks is still a long way off.

Tags: bearing winter, don't like winter, nine weeks to go until spring, the Greeks, the word "time", time, wear enough layers of clothing, winter
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I don’t have to stockpile:  God will always provide for our needs.  It says in the Bible He will only provide food and shelter.  I don’t need a backup for every item I use in the house.  I was making a list and there was no need to buy everything on that list.  I crossed off some items I will not run out of immediately.  I am reminded of a parable Jesus related:  a farmer had an exceptional crop and built even greater storage bins and Jesus said something to the effect that you will not be around to enjoy the fruits of your crops.  He wants you today.  Your time has run out.  You have to have faith God will provide for your needs and sometimes He will do it a day at a time.  When God provided food for the people who Moses led out of Egypt, the manna could only be used that day.  You had to have faith He would provide more food the next day.  I do not have to stockpile my goods.  ‘Give us our daily bread’ the psalm says.  A day at a time.  That is all we can pray for that God provide for our needs a day at a time.

Tags: "give us our daily bread", a day at a time, backup, Bible, crop, don't have to stockpile, Egypt, farmer, food, food and shelter, God, God will always provide, have faith, Jesus, making a list, manna, Moses, our needs, parable, pray, Psalm, the Exodus, time, today
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I am hesitant to go to a high school reunion.  For many reasons.  Maybe, the main reason is there is nothing there for me any longer.  It is over forty years ago I graduated from high school.  I still remember going back to my hometown in the early seventies and I realized I could not go back.

All the people I knew were either in college or had moved away.  The racial complexion of my community had changed drastically.  Then it had become mostly Cuban.

Considerably more time has passed since then.  I am not the same person.  Of course, there are other reasons.  All these people have become strangers.  For that matter, the few people I wanted to keep up with I did.  There were not many.  Two of them were on the tennis team I played.

There is always the fear no one will remember me although I am always curious what memories anyone had of me.  If any?!  Another reason is I fear I may not have anything to show for my life.  Some people may have become doctors, teachers and hold advanced degrees.  I have none.

The last fear is one I have to resist.  To some degree I have done what I wanted to, which is to write although I have not made a living from it.  I never had to.  There may be no reason to connect with anyone.  There is too much “posturing” that goes on in these reunions.

Time is really fleet.  It seemed like I just graduated from high school and that is just an illusion.  A lifetime has gone by.  Sometimes I do not know how to account for that.  And maybe that is my worst fear.  I squandered my precious time.

Tags: advanced degree, college, graduate, high school reunion, hometown, I cannot go back, lifetime, show for my life, squander time, tennis team, time, time is fleet, time is precious, write, writing
Posted in balance, death, knowledge&learning, life, relationships, time, writing, your job/mission/profession | 2 Comments »

I was speeding home and glanced at the mountain across the mile wide river.  The sun was resting on top of the mountain.  I looked again and it was gone.  It was a brief look at dusk–one point in time I almost missed.  How much of life is that momentary–here today, gone tomorrow?  All we can do is keep our eyes open for those special moments.  You never know when they come along.  This was one such moment.

Tags: "here today gone tomorrow", dusk, life, momentary, mountain, point in time, river, special moments, sun, time
Posted in beauty, life, local, nature, seasons, time, wisdom | 1 Comment »

Permanence is only an illusion.  Others grow up, change, die or move away.  This was brought to the forefront.  A neighbor had a moving sale.  I never gave it any thought.  Now the time I had left with them was only days.  We never know when our time with someone is ended.  All we could do is love the ones God puts in front of us.  As if there is no tomorrow.  You will never run out of people.

Tags: change, die, God, love people, move away, moving sale, neighbor, no tomorrow, permanence an illusion, time
Posted in death, God, life, local, love, relationships, time, wisdom, your job/mission/profession | 2 Comments »

All I can do is just give it away.  It is my gift to you.  It is all I have.  Sometimes people I know read it.  Often it is strangers.  It is my gift.  My time.  I don’t know what else to do but give it away and hope someone out there benefits from it.  Life is full of treasures.  I only sample a few.  And share a few.  As I said, it is my gift to you.  Whoever, stumbles upon it.  It is all I have so enjoy it.  Mull it over if that is your pleasure or spit it out.  It comes from my core.  It is what I am.  And I don’t apologize.  It is me.  Maybe you will meet me halfway.  Maybe, not.  It is all I have.

Tags: blog, give it away, God, life, my gift, read, share, strangers, time, treasures, writing
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I still watch my plants.  I am still amazed by them.  Like they are run by some invisible clock, they grow or get bigger.  And I keep a close eye on them when they do this.  Even when they remain dormant, I keep an eye on them.  And rejoice when they start growing.  I am not alone in this pursuit.  A lot of people have house plants.  The proper light and sufficient water is usually all the care they need.  If only our needs were so simple.  It is others who watch our growth.  We can’t see it so easily.  Plants are easier to detect whether they are getting proper nourishment.  Although for both patience is needed and time is a factor.

Tags: care, dormant, God, grow, house plants, invisible clock, light, nourishment, patience, people, plants, rejoice, time, watch my plants, water
Posted in balance, beauty, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, local, love, mental health, nature, seasons, time, wisdom | No Comments »

I am wondering whether our black-eyed susans are going to come up.  I wanted them along the wooden picket fence bordering the road.  My wife planted seeds last Fall along this border which is over one hundred feet long.  We will see.  I thought they would accent the fence nicely.

I love black-eyes susans.  They keep spreading in our yard.  My wife also helps them along.  The blooms last for many weeks.  I have been helping my wife in the garden more because she physically can’t do the same work there she used to be able.  She has a bad back and pays for everything.

Last year we had several cherry tomato plants in large pots.  I love snacking on them.  Before we know it the winter will be over and it will be spring my favorite season.  Everything comes alive again.  And spring always come after winter which I just endure.  I don’t like cold weather.  And makes anticipating spring that much sweeter.

Tags: anticipate Spring, black-eyed susan, blooms, cherry tomato, cold weather, everything comes alive again in Spring, Fall, flowers, garden, gardening, my favorite season, my wife, nature, picket fence, pot gardening, seasons, spring, time, winter, yard
Posted in beauty, knowledge&learning, local, marriage, nature, seasons, time | 1 Comment »

I know I can’t be liked by everyone.  It really is impossible.  In fact, I found out often the people I dislike the feeling is often mutual.  I am who I am.  I know that.

If you insist everyone like you, you please no one.  It is really out of your control.  If you try to please everyone, you sway with every change of the wind and get viewed as a pansy.

Presidents know that very well.  All of them find out no matter what they do someone will not be happy with them.  And the best ones accept that.

I do not deliberately try to alienate any one.  Of course, you do not like it when your mate does not like something you do.  Although likes and dislikes come and go.  That is why commitment is so important.  It enables you to ride out the rough periods.

I did find that even if I initially dislike a fellow worker given enough time I usually end up liking the person.  But it takes time.  Maybe that is why your initial impression of someone has to be tempered with time.

You never know when your impression of someone will change.  Nevertheless you can’t be liked by every person.  And you just have to accept that.  There is no way to get around that.  So enjoy your friends.  They picked you.

Tags: can't be liked by everyone, commitment, dislike, enjoy your friends, fellow worker, initial impression of someone, likes and dislikes, please no one, president, tempered with time, time, your mate
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