Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

I remember during my first serious relationship thinking every time I had a big fight it was the end of us.  She kept reassuring me it was not.  I now know couples have fights because they are trying to work things out.  Conflict is normal.  You just don’t want constant unresolved conflict for that is not healthy for the relationship.  It puts it on very fragile ground.  Fights are fueled by deep feelings and somehow you have to learn how to resolve differences.  It is the resolution of conflict that cements the relationship.  A fight means work needs to be done between the two of you.  It is a natural process.

Tags: a fight between the two of you, conflict is normal, conflict resolution, couples fight, deep feelings, relationships, resolve differences, unresolved conflict, work things out
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I have to allow my wife to disagree but it is difficult and that causes me all kinds of problems.  We had little fights, usually, when I have felt she was unreasonable and had no business meddling in something that was my really my business (???).

For example, our car needed vacuuming and I wanted to go into town to the local car wash to use the vacuum cleaner.  She said we have a perfectly good Shop Vac to use on the car.  That was true.

To use it, I had to run an extension cord outside and drag out the Shop Vac from the basement.  I would rather plunk three quarters in the machine in town, quickly vacuum the car and be done with it.  When she found out what I did, she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours.

The latest spat was when I was making cheesecake cupcakes and I ran out vanilla.  She said I would be fine if I swish out the bottle for the remaining part of the recipe.

I ran down to the store for more vanilla.  She was not too happy with me and I became angry at her for giving me a hard time.

To me, it was “small shit” and I could not understand why it was so important to her.  The problem was really my reaction to her.  I became angry, raised my voice.  It is amazing what couples fight over.

To me life is too short.  What usually happens is our will clashes.  And then sparks fly.  I guess this is the perennial fight between couples:  how they resolve differences.

How many marriages broke up because he left toothpaste smeared on the bathroom sink one time too often?  Or some small thing like that taking the couple over the edge.

Marriage is working out every detail between the partners.  And there are probably some problems you will never resolve but hopefully not too many over the span of the relationship.

Hopefully most of the “rough” edges” between the two of you get smoothed out over time.  Too much unresolved conflict is not healthy.

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Everyone has something they have to live with.  Sometimes that something is more apparent:  obvious illnesses and handicaps.  Most of the times that something is invisible.  Although if you spend any length of time with that person you usually find out what the difficulties are they are going through.

Some people act as if their unique set of problems is the worst thing in the whole world.  The grass is always greener elsewhere.  Actually our attempts to solve our personal problems is what makes our life interesting.

It is so easy to magnify our problems–distort them.  It is so freeing to find out other people also have problems that appear to have no solutions and also have unresolved conflict.

It is so important not to isolate yourself because when you do your problems always appear larger than they actually are.  Your problems shrink when you share them with trusted friends.

And theirs do likewise when they trust you and share theirs.  Every one has something to live with.  And life is not always fair although that is another subject.  And ‘No man is an island,’ in John Donne’s words.

Tags: difficulties, distort problems, do not isolate yourself, everyone has something, grass is always greener, handicap, illness, invisible, John Donne, life is not fair, magnify problems, no man is an island, personal problems, problems shrink when shared, trusted friends, unique set of problems, unresolved conflict, worst thing in the world
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A marriage is built (or town down) one piece at a time.  The large things come along only once in awhile.  Everything in a marriage has to be worked out:  who cooks, pays the bills, is in charge of the finances–every detail between the two of you has to be worked out.

If you can not agree about the details, your marriage is in trouble.  In every solid marriage, really an miniature organization, most of the details over the years have been worked out and there is a minimum of discord.

In unresolved conflict, you fight about almost everything and your marriage is in danger.  Every detail between the two of you has to be resolved–at least most of them in order for your marriage to run smoothly.

I like what Scott Peck says in one of his books, ‘People get married for the friction.’  Can you think of a more common institution to change you than marriage?  A marriage is forged degree by degree.

Tags: common institution, fight, forged degree by degree, God, marriage, marriage changes you, marriage is built, marriage is forged, marry for the friction, miniature organization, minimum of discord, pay bills, resolve, run smoothly, Scott Peck, solid marriage, torn down, trouble, unresolved conflict, who cooks, work out the details
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What is worst than death?  A few suggestions.  Living and dying at the same time.

Knowing you really do not care how you are spending most of your time.

Knowing deep inside your job is the wrong one and you refuse or are too scared to make any change.

There are too many unresolved conflicts in your life.

Your marriage is “dead” and you are “paralyzed”.

Each day is the same.

You no longer can see beauty.

All you can do is complain.

Money is more important than people.

Each day is not new and blends into each other and you wonder how you spent your time.

In fact, you have no idea where the time went.

Love just seems to be too idealistic.

You can not love or work.

All you feel is pain.

You can not get past your pain.

You forgot how to laugh.

Each day is not a new dawn.

You think you have to go to some far off exotic island, to escape, to enjoy your vacation.

You can not wait to do that.

All your friends have died.

You forgot how to be a friend.

This is just an incomplete list.

And I want to caution there is always two sides to everything.

And it is only my list.

Tags: be a friend, beauty, can no longer see beauty, complain, each day is the same, forgot how to laugh, friends die, God, love, marriage, money, new dawn, pain, scared, time, unresolved conflict, work, worse than death, wrong job
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