I tried to answer the not so small question: What is in my control? I have been grabbling (???) with depression for two months. This morning I tried to stop and ask myself that question.

The answers are not so easily forthcoming. Dialysis is on the horizon. There are financial concerns. And I can’t seem to shake my depression.

There is the trust to help me when I need it. And the inheritance from my aunt down the road. But money and things don’t seem to satisfy me.

It has to go beyond that. The holidays are coming. And that is always a hard time for me but I have to keep asking myself: What is in my control? It is difficult to see that right now.