Posts Tagged ‘wife’

I want to count my blessings.  It is so easy to center on what I call my “lack”.  I am so blessed–materially and all kinds of ways that have nothings to do with things.  I have a wife who loves me.  And all kinds of other people who are glad to see me.  And I have a history with them.  My four dogs and even my cats who really do not pay much attention to me but I appreciate them nevertheless.  My life is not perfect but then, again, whose is?  Of course, this is a short and incomplete list.  I can go on and on but I won’t.  I am just glad to be home.

I went deep into the woods for blackberries, fighting briars every step and finally gave up.  There just weren’t enough ripe berries to make it worthwhile.  I had discovered this patch at least a year ago.  It is difficult to get to.  I am afraid I might miss this crop.  We are going away in less than a week.  I will check the blackberry patches once more just before we go.  I gobbled up the few berries I picked.  I might not get that pie I was hoping my wife would make.  Oh well.

You Gotta Keep Promises

Author: siggy

You gotta keep promises (to your wife).  It matters.  She has to know she can rely on you.  The only way she can do that is by you fulfilling your promises to her.  If you keep breaking your promises to her, she will not be able to trust you.  And it matters so make sure you do not break any promises to her unless it is out of your control.  It all matters.

The Fight About Cats

Author: siggy

Two cats of ours were months overdue on their shots (we have seven).  Of course, they are the wildest and hardest to catch.  They did have appointments.  And I could not catch them.  All of a sudden, it had become my responsibility.

And I was taunted and critisized by my other when I could not find them no less catch them and then put them in the carrier.

Today, I was reminded, again, two cats are overdue for their exam and shots.  My wife previously caught them.  Somehow, it had become my responsibilty.

I refuse to be told I am less than a man becuase I am unsuccessful in locating them much less grabbing them and placing the squirming cat in the carrier.  This is all absurd.

She insisted I make an appointment for two at one time.  We save a little money.  I refused.  I remember my prior treatment by my wife.

I did not want to be critisized again.  We also have four dogs.  The dogs do not hide under furniture or can’t hide period!

Even my vet says it takes two to catch a cat.  This all seems very unfair and I refuse to make any further appointment for a cat until we work this out to my satisfaction.

I have no control of my wife but I do of me.  I can not fix her and Lord knows I have tried repeatedly with very little success.  I do have control of me and this revelation may appear to be obvious but I am an extremely slow learner and this idea I can only control me frees me.  Paradoxically I may be able to change her behavior by concentrating on mine but I can not act with that in mind.  I have to love her freely and not do anything because I am trying to change her for that is manipulation on my part.  All this is very freeing to me.

“All you want from me is sex and scrabble”!? my wife declared in frustration.  I thought that was a funny list.  ?Scrabble.  Hell, traditionally males have complained about that three letter word going out first.

I lasted that long huh?!  Anyway, I had to laugh at that list.  There are things to me far more important than that –the clutter and other things that have driven me crazy almost more than the lack of the word that will remain nameless since everyone will know what I am referring to.

There have been countless “NO!”’s you uttered to me in the short time.

Sex is only one request of many

We have known each other

Only a few years

But forever to me

You simply pretend  you did not hear me again for the umpteen time or you have heard the requests so many times so you have become blind to them or now simply you ignore them

Requests I ask you get lost in the infinite clutter and chatter

(and I am sure she will make the same claims:  “You don’t listen to me.  You never hear me!”)

I still have to laugh at the original statement.  All I want from me is sex and scrabble

Really ?scrabble

And ?!sex

The time we spend doing that

Is really a drop in a bucket

Of the time spent together

I must be the crazy male

Just tearing out my hair

Excuse me I do not have much

Anymore

I guess we have been

Married too long

This is the longest seven

Years of my life

?Scrabble!

I guess all wives drive their

Husband crazy

I am just one

Of a long line

At least that is

What my doctor says

Every act you undertake indicates a level of faith.  My wife and I planted some pussy willows that have sprouted in water.  Frost is a week or two away.  And there was part of me that thought it was too late to plant them.

Nevertheless, we planted them.  We knew the plants would not survive in the house and the only way we would have a chance for the plants to sprout was to plant them despite the  lateness of the season.

We also planted them together so we can enjoy them later if they took hold and grew.  Gardening always takes faith.  Even tending plants indoors.  You try to do the right thing:  place the plant corectly according to the light and give it sufficient water.  Evey act requires faith.  This is a small example but every act is based on a certain level of faith–some more.

The right word spoken to you can be like honey:  It soothes the throat right away.  Bless the people who have the wisdom to utter to you just the right words  at the right time.

I walked into his office flustered, stating “My wife is driving me crazy “!  And my doctor immediately retorted, “Isn’t that what all wives do?”  I felt like he gave me back my life.  I was not that unusual.

I have been dealing with depression after meeting with my nephrologist several weeks ago.  I mentioned that to the other doctor and he said, “That seems perfectly normal considering the life changes the other doctor was contemplating you undergoing.”

I felt better after his statement.  It did not take away my depression but at least I felt it was normal being depressed under those circumstances.  And I just had to work through it.

That is why it is so important not to isolate yourself.  When you talk to others outside the home you often find out other people are experiencing the same thing or what you are going through is perfectly normal.

You never find out those things out if you stay in your house and do not talk to others.  An apt word spoken just at the right time can soothe your fears which often run wild if kept to themselves.

Remember, ‘No man is an island’.  These words of John Donne have calmed many a person when they decided to stop isolating themselves.  It is amazing how many times the right advice can soothe yours fears that have run wild in the confines of your home.

We are really wired to be social “animals” and have much more in common with one another than we realize but we have to take a chance and reach out to others.  Then we find that out.  It is not necessary to do it alone.

I made several discoveries the last two weeks.  I accidentally discovered a large patch of wild raspberries on a large tract of land adjacent to our property.  My dog was sniffing around and I turned my head and there it was in plain view from the road.

I was not the only person picking berries there but I did not feel too guilty picking raspberries there.  It was not on my land but the neighbor opposite the patch did not own the land.  There was evidence there was someone else picking berries.  There were plenty to go around.

The patch was less than an hundred yards away.  I never noticed it before.  Last year I came across a large patch of raspberries on my property.  I had lived there for four years and did not notice or know it was there:  it was in the far right corner of my property–an area I usually do not frequent.

My wife had made already two raspberry pies.  I was taking them for granted.  If she makes another this time we will freeze it so we can eat it long after the raspberry season is over and maybe appreciate it more.

Today I spotted a large five inch box turtle sunning himself on the concrete in back of our house.  I left it alone.  I usually see one or two a year.  I wondered how old this turtle was.  I had no idea but I imagine it saw a few summers:  it was at least five inches long.

The discovery of the turtle made my day.  I kept checking on it and was hoping I could show it to my wife when she got up.  It was just another discovery that made life interesting.

Sharon, the waitress, at the local diner is more than a waitress.  I found out she has worked there more than twenty years.  It is her calling.  She has on–going relationships with her customers.

She knows I often take my toast and give it to my dogs.  Today she told me, “I do not give my dogs extra food for they get fat enough on just the dog food I feed them.”  Not her exact words but a good paraphrase.

She is there (in the diner) for the long haul.  She loves her job and lives nearby.  I found out today her squash is not doing well in her garden.  Their buds keep falling out prematurely.  Maybe there was too much rain the last four weeks.

I am not extravagant with my tips but I tip accordingly; I give her a decent tip depending on my order.  I want to let her know I appreciate her excellent service.

She is a one woman show, usually she is the only waitress on and there is one cook.  In the early morning sometimes the waitress does every thing including cooking.

I ease drop on the conversations at the nearby tables.  It is amazing sometimes what I overhear.  Sometimes I do not talk at all.  I always sit at the counter.  Once in awhile I get into a brief conversation if someone sits  nearby.

I keep returning to the diner for the coffee is good, the price of the food is inexpensive and the hash browns are always tasty and I enjoy the brief contact with the waitresses.  My order is usually very simple.  Eggs up.  Once in awhile I order a glass of orange juice.

Of course I go to the trouble of learning all the different waitresses’ names.  There is nothing like a local diner to make you feel wanted and erase some of the loneliness of the morning.  My wife is never up at that hour.

I have to remind myself of this over and over. My relationship with my wife has been somewhat ragged over the last few weeks. I have accused her of being self-centered and extremely narcissistic.

It is immaterial how true this is. The fact remains I have no control of her–just me. No matter what the truth of these statements are it really does not matter.

Again, I have to look at my own behavior and see what is in my power to change. And words are cheap. My behavior toward her will speak volumes.

I can accuse her of all kinds of things and they may be on target. The fact remains: I have no control of her. I have to work on getting my temper in control and on other things that were non-productive towards creating peace. This is what I have to remind myself over and over.

I forget this so easily and adapt an accusatory tone toward her. This is doing me no good to point fingers at her. I have to start with me and me only. How easily I forget this.

I call my wife serendipity.  I know I did nothing to deserve her.  I, also, know she is still her.  If I changed her, it is only by love and in ways I could not anticipate.

She certainly is a gift–a New Yorker in spirit.  I grew up in that area.  My editor and a fine graphic artist.  She maintains this site.  I know she complements me.  She is the reason I hop out of bed eager to face the next day.

Every night she sleeps along aside me.  And I know that is no small thing.

When I least expected it, she came along.  I had known her for several years.  She always makes me laugh.  And again that is no small thing.

She encourages me in different ways.  She makes me want to be better, to strive for the stars.  There is so much I can say about her.  These are only a few things in passing.  I am a very lucky man.

Love,
Yours
Siggy