Jun
28
2009
I Thought The Tears Were Gone But…
Author: siggyI thought the tears were gone but they were not ended. I heard the song Neil Young wrote thirty-seven years ago, “Old Man”, again and I thought of my Dad who died nine years ago. A little later I burst into tears.
We had such a “rocky” relationship. Most of my life he did not accept me and we argued a lot particularly about finances: I knew I did not meet his expectations of a son. He never told me exactly how.
The last conversation I had with him he told me he was far more impressed with the million dollars his future son-in-law made selling his company than anything I did.
I remember our conversation and was then aware it might be the last time I might talk to him. He was ninety-one and possibly blind. His mind was lucid but I had to talk to him slowly. I tried reasoning with him but to no avail.
He did not value anything I accomplished in my life. All he valued was money. I finally gave up and left him in bed. That was the last time I saw him alive. He died shortly after.
Although he did not approve of my life I did know the last year or two of his life he loved me. That was a gift but I wish he would have valued who I truly was a little more.
Anyway, hearing the song “Old Man” brought up memories of my Dad and all the years we “lost”. I loved him despite how hard he was with me. In the end he loved me. That was all that mattered.
