Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

Can one person completely satisfy the needs of another?  I once had a major fight with a girl friend over that.  She said “Yes.”  I said, “No.”  Sure, you want your “other” to satisfy most of your needs but all?  To me, that relationship would become awfully ingrown (and stale).  Other relationships add to your main one.  Of course, you have to be very careful how you carry on with the opposite sex.  And maintain a relationship very carefully so you don’t threaten your partner.  Under very special, open conditions.  I can’t delineate the boundaries.  You have to do that.  Maybe a relationship in his/her presence as couples.  We are all different and other people bring out different qualities in you.  And then these qualities brought out by someone else you can add to your main relationship.  Relationships with the same sex are a little easier to maintain.  It is always a balancing act.  You do not want to diminish your relationship with your partner.  Each person you meet should add something positive to you.  Having a network of friends takes some of the pressure off your mate.  No one person can satisfy all your needs.  Nor should you try.

Tags: couples, girl friend, network of friends, opposite sex, relationships, satisfy all your needs, your mate, your other, your partner
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Sex gives you a chance to do it all over again. Your childhood, your upbringing, your faults, your parents’ hangups all is revealed in the sexual relationship you engage in.

A committed extended relationship gives you another chance to work through your make-up, your psychological, deep rooted difficulties.

Nothing is hidden in sex. You may think so but it is not. I like a line from a Tim Buckley song, “In secret divorce they will never survive” from the song “Goodbye and Hello.”

Everything is revealed in sex. You may not be aware of it but it is. And your partner has their own separate set of problems. And somehow you need to work it out. Sex is the playground. And some relationships do not make it (and dissolve).

Sex exposes deep seeded difficulties when you raise kids where your childhood and upbringing is revealed. Every family is dysfunctional. We are all imperfect and flawed. Sex reveals this in a way that almost nothing else does.

Flesh to flesh nothing is hidden. It is just a question if you are willing to face your hangups and those of your partner. Not every one is willing to work through this.

Tags: "Goodbye and Hello", "In secret divorce they will never survive", difficulties, every family is dysfunctional, face your hangups, flesh to flesh, God, nothing is hidden in sex, problems, relationships, sex, Tim Buckley, upbringing, we are all flawed, we are all imperfect, work it out, your childhood, your faults, your parents, your partner
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A marriage (or any other committed relationship) gives you another chance to do your childhood all over.  That seems like an odd statement but think about it:  your mate comes from at best similarly though not totally alike childhoods raised by different parents.

You always have blind spots.  And so does your partner.  Marriage gives you an opportunity to expose some of these.  And change in the process.  Live with a person day in and day out and you have seen the positive and negative points of your partner.

And some of these points you were blind to until you had them pointed out usually in some kind of conflict.  Every relationship has conflict.  And conflict forces you to reexamine attitudes you possess that you may not have given much thought to until they caused you problems.

Usually couples who do not fight with one another are not dealing with their differences and flaws they possess.  Compromises ensure the success in the relationship.  And sparks usually fly in the process.

Eventually hopefully the rough edges between both of you are smoothed out.  Marriage gives you the opportunity to face blind spots and grow.  In a way no other common institution does.

Tags: blind spots, childhood, compromise, conflict, couples, marriage, parents, relationships, smooth out rough edges, sparks fly, we are flawed, your mate, your partner
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You should never ever trap someone, put them in an untenable position.  It is not that you can’t.  You can.  Very seldom is it a good idea.  I do not care what it is.  It is not a good idea.

When you back a wild animal into a corner, you are apt to get hurt.  The principle is the same with humans.  Always give the other person a graceful way out.

We all want certain things done.  And mates want their other to do things.  And there is nothing wrong in giving your partner requests.  But give them an opportunity to perform them in their own timing.

Don’t say it must be done no matter what you think, no matter how much difficulty they are having doing it or whether they think it is even possible to fulfill your request.

Always be clear what effort you expect no matter what the results.  And let your partner rest.  Do not use the word “must”.  Never trap him/her.  It is always a bad idea.

Tags: back an animal into a corner, be clear what you expect, do not say "must", fulfill your request, get hurt, give a graceful way out, it must be done, never trap someone, our mates, their own timing, untenable positive, your partner
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I am convinced the only reason marriage exists is to teach us how to love better.  Each person is sinful (and very imperfect).  And selfish.  Living with another forces us to examine our own foibles.

Some marriages are a better fit than another.  It does not matter.  At some point, there is going to be conflict.  And how successfully you work it out determines the success of your marriage.

Each person is selfish and conflict draws this out.  The vows say for better or worse, in sickness or health.  Commitment is always the key.  Do you ride out the rough moments?  Every marriage will have difficult times.

Your partner sees all your sides given enough time.  The good points of yours as well as your bad side.  Nothing is hidden.

Only love can transcend them.  That is why I say the institution of marriage was created for only one reason–to teach us how to love better.

Your rough points given enough time in a marriage becomes smoothed over.  Love is always the key.  And commitment makes it work.

Tags: commitment is the key, conflict in marriage, for better or worse, God, imperfect, in sickness and in health, institution of marriage, living with another, love, love is the key, marriage, marriage teaches us to love better, only love can transcend, our foibles, ride out rough moments, selfish, sinful, success of marriage, teach us to love, wedding vows, work out conflicts, your mate, your partner
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I have to allow my wife to disagree but it is difficult and that causes me all kinds of problems.  We had little fights, usually, when I have felt she was unreasonable and had no business meddling in something that was my really my business (???).

For example, our car needed vacuuming and I wanted to go into town to the local car wash to use the vacuum cleaner.  She said we have a perfectly good Shop Vac to use on the car.  That was true.

To use it, I had to run an extension cord outside and drag out the Shop Vac from the basement.  I would rather plunk three quarters in the machine in town, quickly vacuum the car and be done with it.  When she found out what I did, she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours.

The latest spat was when I was making cheesecake cupcakes and I ran out vanilla.  She said I would be fine if I swish out the bottle for the remaining part of the recipe.

I ran down to the store for more vanilla.  She was not too happy with me and I became angry at her for giving me a hard time.

To me, it was “small shit” and I could not understand why it was so important to her.  The problem was really my reaction to her.  I became angry, raised my voice.  It is amazing what couples fight over.

To me life is too short.  What usually happens is our will clashes.  And then sparks fly.  I guess this is the perennial fight between couples:  how they resolve differences.

How many marriages broke up because he left toothpaste smeared on the bathroom sink one time too often?  Or some small thing like that taking the couple over the edge.

Marriage is working out every detail between the partners.  And there are probably some problems you will never resolve but hopefully not too many over the span of the relationship.

Hopefully most of the “rough” edges” between the two of you get smoothed out over time.  Too much unresolved conflict is not healthy.

Tags: argue, basement, become angry, car wash, cheesecake, clash of wills, couples, cupcakes, disagree, fight, health, life is short, marriage, meddling in my business, my wife, our car, problems, raise my voice, resolve differences, shop vac, silent treatment, sparks fly, toothpaste, unresolved conflict, vacuum cleaner, vanilla, what couples fight over, your partner
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The smallest social unit within your family is your partner.  Do you treat him/her with kindness and love.  It matters.  How can you possibly treat others with love and kindness if you can not even treat the person who is closest to you that way?

Of course, kindness starts off with you, your thoughts, your self talk.  If you can treat yourself with tolerance and love, fully aware you are flawed and forgive yourself for blundering and, also, ask others for forgiveness when you have hurt them.

I find it interesting in the Lord’s Prayer it states, ‘And forgive our debts, as well as we forgive our debtors’ (Matthew 6-12).  You have to ask God for the forgiveness of you sins first before can you can forgive others for hurting you.

If you love those who God puts in your life (and it starts off with your mate) you can transform the world.  Never discount the power of one.  Every movement started off with one person so never discount yourself.

Tags: ask for forgiveness, Bible, blunder, forgive others, forgive yourself, forgiveness, God, hurt, kindness, Lord's Prayer, love, love others, Matthew, never discount yourself, our debtors, our debts, self talk, social unit, the Bible, the power of one person, thoughts, tolerance, transform the world, we are flawed, your mate, your partner
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What is true courage?  Others will have all different definitions of courage.  I will suggest just a few.  It is getting up and facing your day and proceeding when your outlook is dismal when everything is “black” to you and hoping against hope things will improve in your life.

It is trying something new for you are hoping for change and change often occurs in small degrees at a time.

It is facing your partner when things have turned sour and you are not too hopeful it will ever turn around.

It is having kids when your finances are uncertain, secure in the fact you will do whatever it takes to raise them properly.

There are so many definitions of what I call quiet courage that occur every day and these are just a few and I might continue this list another time.

Tags: change comes in small degrees, courage, dismal outlook, everything is black, facing your day, having kids, hope, hope for change, quiet courage, raising kids, true courage, try something new, uncertain finances, your partner
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I am convinced God created marriage for only one reason:  to teach us how to love better.  That is the only reason, as far as I am concerned, this institution was created.

I am extremely self centered and narcissistic.  Marriage forces me to examine my foibles and flaws.  I mess up all the time and hurt my “other”.

I have to apologize and ask her for her forgiveness.  I know precisely how flawed I am although I, often, am not aware exactly how having definite blind spots.  Marriage forces you to examine your weaknesses and attempt to correct them.

Your partner sees the worst in you given enough time.  There is no doubt about that.  One never sees what goes on behind closed doors nor should they.

When we are in a primary relationship we have a chance to examine our flaws again.  First we have to become aware of them, then decide how we want to change.  Every family is dysfunctional.  The only question is to what degree.

When we are in a relationship we are forced to examine our shortcomings.  We have a chance to examine our childhood again.  Every relationship is flawed including our parents’.  When we live with someone nothing is hidden too long.

As time goes on, we have a chance to correct flaws we become aware of.  I laughed at my friend when he said marriage is “work” (that was in my single days).  I am no longer laughing at him.  Marriage is work.  Hopefully the pluses outweigh the minuses and the marriage survives.

Living with another is the hardest thing in the whole world.  It is the compromises we have to work out that insure the success of the marriage.  Living with another forces us to get out of our self-centeredness and forces us to love another human being better.

There are no easy answers to each marriage, each marriage is different.  There is no more common institution than marriage to change the other.  Too many people do not want to do the hard work it takes to continue the marriage or examine themselves and their flaws.  Thus the high divorce rate.  There are no easy answers to any marriage; it all takes time (and commitment) to one another.

Tags: apologize, behind closed doors, blind spots, change, childhood, commitment, compromise, divorce, dysfunctional family, examine your weaknesses, flawed, forgiveness, God, love, marriage, marriage is work, narcissistic, our parents, our shortcomings, relationship, self-centered, teach us to love better, your partner
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Love is not sex.  And sex is not always love.  Love transcends everything.  Sex can be love.  It is the physical part of love.  If you were to watch TV and movies you see portrayed casual sex all the time.

Sex is not casual.  It imprints at a deep level one person with the other.  It always has a price so do not be fooled:  there is no such thing as casual sex.

Yes, sex is physical yet it transcends everything so next time you are tempted to break your bond with your primary partner think twice and resist temptation.  There is always a price to pay if you stray.  It may be one you will regret.  Broken trust is extremely hard to get back.  And often you can’t regain it back so think awfully hard next time you are tempted.

Tags: break your bond, broken trust, casual sex, do not stray, God, has a price, imprint, love, love is not sex, love transcends, movies, physical, price to pay, regret, resist temptation, sex, sex is not casual, tempted, trust, TV, your partner
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