Along the way I became old. It did not feel that way. I felt the same way inside but I looked at models and realized how young they were and realized I was considerably older.

Life was really a gift. I would occasionally peruse the obituaries and note there were many who had died were my age or younger. That did not change anything.

Sometimes I would become depressed. Everyone knows they will die but act as if they will cheat death or it will not come to them one day.

Death and taxes. Is that all I have to look forward to? How depressing?!

What are we really afraid of when it comes to death?  I will try to explore some of my fears.  I am afraid of dying alone.  Most people want to be surrounded by their loved ones when that moment occurs.  People often die alone in hospital beds.

One fear I have as I become older, I become afraid of losing my independence–of becoming dependent on others to take care of all my needs.  No one wants to suffer.

There is always the fear my life has been in vain, that I have squandered my most precious resource–my time.  I read obituaries and feel that person’s life has been summed up in a few paragraphs.  And that is it.

I have to remind myself that it a gift we have received to enjoy the life God gave us.  I am always afraid that I have become the cantankerous man I have often seen in passing.

Someone who hobbles around and the only joy this person gets is to complain about his ailments.  I do not want to become that person and my constant prayer is that as I age I want to grow old with grace.  That thought has been more in my consciousness lately.