From every death comes a rebirth.  My first marriage had ended and it was painful.  My first wife decided it was easier to end it than to fight for it.  It took me a lot time to work through the hurt and to forgive her.

Miracles happen all the time.  Often they occur over a span of time.  And from death, comes rebirth.  When I least expected, another woman came along.  She was a miracle.

It was someone I knew for years.  From death, comes rebirth.  Lynelle was a miracle.  I really was not sure I could let another woman to enter my heart.  Love is often a miracle.

The pain of being separated from my two kids was severe.  I did not forgive my wife for a long time.  I felt she stole my kids from me.  But a miracle happened.  Forgiveness came along.  There is no easy way there.

Lynelle was a miracle I did not expect.  From death, comes rebirth.  And that is always a miracle.  Only He can provide forgiveness.  And that is always a miracle.

I love glancing out my kitchen window onto the snow covered woods.  Every time I enter my kitchen I like doing that.  It snowed overnight and the roads still were white.

I keep expecting to see a rabbit or bird or two feeding on the ground. It is uncultivated ground.  That makes it more the reason I enjoy looking out the window.

Sometimes I deliberately go into the kitchen to look in (???) into my backyard.  It is still lightly snowing.  I will go out to do some last minute shopping for the new year eve but as soon as I get home I will stay put.

And continue to enjoy the view from my kitchen through one large window and one smaller one.  I am in no rush for the season to end:  every season gives me joy.  And has its particular attraction.

Only In A Small Town

Author: siggy

This could only happen in a small town:  I went to pick up a package I had been expecting at the post office and to my consternation it had closed ten minutes ago.

The postmaster was in the back finishing up.  I tapped the window to get her attention.  She unlocked the door and handed me my package.  This could happen only in a small town.

It makes a difference when someone knows you personally.  Then she asked the two people in the lobby whether they had any packages.  I wished her a happy new year and went my way.

Time is always a question of balance.  It is easy to keep yourself occupied.  Every person needs empty spaces in their lives.

It is all too easy to go faster and faster nowhere.  It is essential to slow down, even stop even if that is briefly.  ‘Be still and know I am God’, the words from Proverbs in the Bible.

How can you possibly hear that tiny voice inside you if you are always rushing from one thing to another?  It is so essential to stop periodically and examine your life, figure out where are you heading.

That tiny voice inside you is too often passed by you in busyness and turmoil.  ‘Observe the Sabbath’, one of the ten commandments, is there to encourage you to get off your treadmill and look at your life.

How can your life have balance if you do not give your self time to examine it?  How you use your time is always a question of balance.  That is the only way to hear your tiny voice so easily covered up by other things.

Each person creates their own hell.  Each of us are flawed and struggle with different things.  Telling yourself your situation is not as bad as someones else does not help.

It is too easy for you to point out others’ flaws.  Usually you are blind to your own.  Each person has their own reality.  And your struggles are unique.

Somehow you have to look at yourself from the outside as if you were stranger to see how you truly are.  This is very difficult to do.  Friends’ (and enemies’) feedback can help.

Their feedback can possibly suggest better, more productive ways of dealing with your problems.  Most of the time you are your own worst enemy.  You create your own hell.

Every day I have to count my blessings.  It is so easy to take the bounty God has given you for granted.  At the moment I have four dogs.  You never know when they are going to outlive you.

Usually it is the opposite:  you outlive them but you never know.  Life is, indeed, very precious.  I am enjoying all four dogs at the moment.

There is Tilla who greets me every day eagerly.  He and I have a special relationship.  I never thought there would be another dog like Daisy who was the first dog I raised from a pup.  She usually did not take her eyes off of me.  I mourned when she died of cancer.

But then Tilla came along.  Unlike Daisy, he is eager to please, although a scoundrel.  We built an extension on our fence, at considerable expense, for he liked jumping it.  The only dog who could.

We had one visit from the local warden when one neighbor complained about one of his escapades.  I know he is only on loan to me, will not be around for ever.  I will enjoy him now.  He is a blessing.

There is his sister, the other pup we kept, Coco who is a real darling.  She has a real sweet personality although she can be quite insistent when she want to go out.  I know she is, also, on loan.

Life is very fleeting and I will enjoy these two dogs while I have them.  Nothing is forever.  And that includes my life too.  I will try to be appreciative of all my blessings.  Every thing is by grace.

I keep looking out my window into the yard for the chukar partridge but no luck.  I first saw it Christmas eve, then Christmas again and finally the next morning when I flushed it when I let out my dogs.

Every day since I have been looking for it.  I found out it is a game bird, somewhat rare.  I will just consider the sighting serendipity.  Nevertheless, I will keep hoping to catch a glimpse of it.

It is so easy to take God’s creatures for granted.  I have been feeding the birds since I moved here.  I remember how excited we were when we first put up the finch feeder and the first goldfinch appeared.

I never ever saw a tufted titmouse and now we get a steady stream of them every day.  Very seldom did I see downy woodpeckers until I placed a suet feeder near the trunk of the large pine tree which can be viewed outside our living room window.

I never saw the white-breasted nuthatch who has become a regular visitor to our yard.  It likes both the suet and the sunflower seed I put out.

And there are other visitors we get every day.  How easy does it become to become jaded.  And forget these are all creatures created from above and deserve our praise and wonder.

Somehow you need to restore this quality and see these birds again with true amazement.  How do you see things as if it was the first time?  I have no answers.

PS Thoreau in Walden said it much better:  ‘Nothing is greater than to have an expectation of the dawn which will never forsake you even in our soundest sleep.’  I am not sure whether this is an exact quote but it is close.

Why I Still Write

Author: siggy

The reason I am still writing is simple:  it matters.  Even after forty years plus I am still at it.  In the beginning, it was letters, then journals now my blog.

There has always been someone else out there who I was writing for even if that person never read the piece–at least one person.

An audience is important; but nevertheless I write for me.  Sometimes I solve problems, others times I focus my concerns.  I am aware that writing is one big way by which I express myself.

Through out the years there always has been an invisible audience.  Sometimes there was only one but that was enough.

I am always reaching out to that audience and I can not always tell you who they are but I do.  The only important thing I need to know:  it still matters so I continue to write.

You should never ever trap someone, put them in an untenable position.  It is not that you can’t.  You can.  Very seldom is it a good idea.  I do not care what it is.  It is not a good idea.

When you back a wild animal into a corner, you are apt to get hurt.  The principle is the same with humans.  Always give the other person a graceful way out.

We all want certain things done.  And mates want their other to do things.  And there is nothing wrong in giving your partner requests.  But give them an opportunity to perform them in their own timing.

Don’t say it must be done no matter what you think, no matter how much difficulty they are having doing it or whether they think it is even possible to fulfill your request.

Always be clear what effort you expect no matter what the results.  And let your partner rest.  Do not use the word “must”.  Never trap him/her.  It is always a bad idea.

Sometimes the answer to something is no.  You can not will everything to completion.  Sometimes the answer to doing something is not now.  Sometimes it is later.

It is true, sometimes one can quit too early but sometimes no matter how much you want something done it is not right now.

Often it is not right now and sometimes it is never.  You can not will the universe.  You may think you can and maybe you were taught never to accept a thing can’t be done.  Nevertheless sometimes it just can’t be done.

The universe does have a set of laws.  And you can’t disobey them.  The result will always be same.  There is nothing wrong having the attitude it can always be done.

And it is certainly true a lot of times the person gives up too soon.  There is always a point where one has to quit saying they have tried their best.  Or try again another time.

Every Thing Is By Grace

Author: siggy

Every thing is by grace.  God really does not owe us anything.  On Christmas eve, a gray partridge (a Chukar partridge) appeared and fed on the ground and stayed for at least an hour.  I spotted it from our living room window and excitedly called my wife so she could see it too.  I never had seen one before and it took me awhile to properly identify it.

Finally we let out our four dogs.  They had to go out and we delayed it so they would not flush the bird.  I was amazed the bird simply froze near our big white pine and the dogs never spotted it and ran right past it.  Finally the bird ran across the yard, through the fence and disappeared.  We were curious whether the quail-like bird will come back (very similar in size to a bobwhite).

I got up this morning and put on my L.L Bean moccasins my sister bought me.  I had forgotten how comfortable they were.  Now I have to keep them out of reach of my dogs.  They could destroy one in one bite:  they are leather, very temping for one to chomp on.

There are plenty of gifts still to be opened.  Lynelle is not up yet.  I was feeling very grateful and thankful for everything.  I know everything is by grace.  Over two thousand years ago a baby was born in a manger.  We do not deserve Him.  And He died for us.  And it is a free gift.  That is totally by grace.  I did nothing to deserve it.  It is only by grace.