Telling your partner “I am sorry I hurt you” alone does not cut it. Somehow you have to stop the behavior which has hurt your partner over and over.

Your partner wants you to apologize and it starts there but she/he wants you to stop the offending behavior. Somehow your partner wants to trust you again. Every person is flawed. Nevertheless, if you do not stop hurting your partner you can not be trusted further and the apology comes off insincere.

No one wants to be hurt continually. Yes, an sincere apology starts the process toward healing but the next step is to stop hurting your partner the same way.

I know perfectly how flawed I am but I need to make an sincere effort to stop the offending behavior. When that occurs, my partner can gradually trust me again.

It is so easy to point fingers and excuse your behavior. Human beings are masters of deception. Your partner sees you at your worst. Forgiveness at the end of the day is essential for hurts can fester and causes you to explode at situations that are really nothing to do with the reasons you are upset.

Jesus when asked how many times you should be forgiven said, ‘Seventy times Seven.’ The point is each partner has to forgive the other for hurting each other endlessly. There is really no limit to the times you have to forgive the other.

Nevertheless, your partner wants more than an apology: he or she want you to stop your offending behavior. Then your partner will be able to gradually trust you.

Forgiveness is an essential first step. The next step is to stop hurting your partner. It is so easy to point fingers at someone for breakdowns in communication. It is so easy to rationalize your behavior. As I said in the last blog I wrote the only person you have most control of is yourself.

You can not change your behavior just to influence your partner. That is manipulation. Your change has to be genuine and have no strings attached.

Your partner has to be free to accept or reject your new behavior. It is time that enables your partner to trust you again. That is why I said saying you are sorry does not cut it alone. Yes, you have to first be contrite but then you have to change your behavior. That is the true test and determines first whether your partner will trust you again.

The hardest thing is the world is true communication. That takes time and effort and forgiveness and not every one is up to it. Thus so many divorces. I remember a friend once telling me marriage is work (I was single then). I laughed at his statement then. I am no longer laughing at him. He was right.

I have to remind myself of this over and over. My relationship with my wife has been somewhat ragged over the last few weeks. I have accused her of being self-centered and extremely narcissistic.

It is immaterial how true this is. The fact remains I have no control of her–just me. No matter what the truth of these statements are it really does not matter.

Again, I have to look at my own behavior and see what is in my power to change. And words are cheap. My behavior toward her will speak volumes.

I can accuse her of all kinds of things and they may be on target. The fact remains: I have no control of her. I have to work on getting my temper in control and on other things that were non-productive towards creating peace. This is what I have to remind myself over and over.

I forget this so easily and adapt an accusatory tone toward her. This is doing me no good to point fingers at her. I have to start with me and me only. How easily I forget this.

All I pray for is for the gift of gratitude. I want to be satisfied with what I have and with the abundance of the Lord. It is so easy to want more and more. There really is no end to that desire. I want to be satisfied with what I’ve got. If He wants to give me more, fine. I want to thank God for everything I have and have the gift of gratitude. That is no small thing.

Your faith does not become faith until you are tested by the crucible of fire. Until then, it is mere words that you have uttered–nothing more.

Problems are what define you. The test of a good company is not when things are going right but when problems emerge. Similarly it is easy to espouse faith in God and his ability to take care of you when your health is fine and the rest of your life is going smoothly.

When problems emerge that appear impossible to solve or get past, then your faith gets tested. Then you truly find out what you are made of.

Faith always needs to be tested. Then you find out the fiber of your character. Being under fire is what refines you–not your words in what you believe to be true of the character of the Almighty. Faith when your back is against the wall and disaster strikes, that is when you find out what you honestly believe. Words are cheap.

Our faith is in things unseen. Meeting the challenges and difficulties of life is what defines you. Faith is only strengthened by fire. Either you grow or you fall apart. Then you know the extent of your faith in God and also His promises. Faith is never obtained cheaply: there is always a price to pay.

Everything you say (or leave out) reveals something about yourself. If you constantly use superlatives to describe every experience, my ears perk up.

The adjectives you use, also, reveal something about you. Your tone of voice exposes how you really feel about something. If your affect is flat, it could reflect depression (or something else).

I do not claim to read every person but I am intuitive (and feel my way) with every person I meet. Even if you are not, if you pay attention to the person who is talking to you, he/she can not “hide” from you.

Sometimes the things left unsaid expose you. Every person, every word uttered reveals some kind of attitude. Sure, some people are better at hiding their emotions. Even that says something.

All you have to do is pay attention to the person talking. Their body language can be revealing. Everything they say, do reveals something vital about them. There really is no place to hide.

I was depressed today: I went to a nephrologist yesterday. My kidney function is worst than I thought–28 per cent function. There are some things in my control: I can restrict my salt intake, lower my cholesterol and keep an eye on my blood pressure. Anyway, I walked out of that office depressed and stayed there the next morning.

I have to make a conscious decision. Either God is in control of my life (or He isn’t). If He is, I have to do my part, then I can relax in his Arms. I have to remind myself God is always in control.

He will take care of me. My time is His time. It is not really up to me when He will take me to Heaven. I have to pray He will take care of me, He is always in control. No matter what happens. My time here is always short. Our lives are but a vapor. Maybe, if I can keep those ideas in mind and pray constantly, my depression will eventually lift. After all I belong to Him.

I Just Seek Peace

Author: siggy

Conflict is good. It forces you to connect with your partner at a deeper level. You want to resolve your conflict, to seek peace with your partner.

In order to do that you have to reach deep within you, find the solution to resolve the impasse. This is all good. You must seek a creative solution to break the impasse.

In the process your roots are entangled with your partner, making your connection that much deeper. Conflict brings your deepest feelings to the surface.

After peace comes, you know your conflict resolution was genuine. Couples who do not argue are not facing their conflict head on but are superficially connecting with one another.

Anger indicates you have hit a nerve and you need to find a solution pleasing to both–often a compromise. Then a calm can come bringing peace to the couple. One needs to be kind in the process otherwise too many hurt feelings will hinder your resolution of your conflict.

Conflict can be a good thing. In the wake of a genuine solution, a couple’s relationship can become that much stronger. Conflict, in that case, is always beneficial.

When Love Is Not Enough

Author: siggy

When love is not enough,

You fight


If you are right for each other

When love is not enough,

Angry, hurt words are spoken

Shattering the peace

When love is not enough

Sex disappears

And you wonder

What you ever

Saw in one another

When love is not enough

I have to forgive

My partner

For being

As imperfect

As I Am

When love is not enough

You have to start

From the beginning

Uncertain, unsure

Never knowing

Is love enough

I want to grow old gracefully.  Death is the final frontier.  People do not want to talk about it.  From dust you came and to dust you shall return.  These are not my words.  Everyone knows this is true yet we pretend this will not be our fate.

Sometimes death comes suddenly:  An heart attack, stroke or even an accident we could not predict.  I want to squeeze every bit of life I can that is given to me.  And go out gracefully.

My Dad lived until ninety one, my Mom eighty.  I do not know for sure if I will make it any where near that.  Yes, I will take good care of me, eat properly, exercise and sleep properly but death is not my calling.

It is God’s timing and if God gives me more time I will accept it with grace.  Love those around me.  After all that is what life is about:  Love, work and grace.  Wasn’t that Freud’s definition of health:  to be able to work and love.

I can not think of a better definition of health–to be able to love and work.  That sums it all up.  When my day comes I hope there will be a celebration of a life well spent, of a life of a person who truly loved the people around them.


Why Love Is Everything

Author: siggy

Love is everything.  Strip away everything from you–all your material wealth, your health.  That is all that remains–love.  And some people are so stingy with it.  You can not run out of love.

It comes from the Source–a bottomless pit known as the Almighty.  He never runs out of love to give.  If you continually tap the source, you will never run out of love.  There is not an finite amount.

Never give up a chance to love another.  This world is full of people who are starving for love, people who never had an ear to listen.

Never walk away when you could have given something valuable to another.  That is all any person remembers–how much they were loved by you.

It really does not matter how much money you made, or how many things you accumulated.  People always respond to genuineness–honesty and kindness.  That is all they remember from you.

You can never have too many friends or ever turn down a chance to make another friend.

That is all that remains when everything is stripped from you–love.  That is all people respond to and remember.  Love.  So be careless.  Scatter your love like Johnny Appleseed did his seeds all over the country.

Why Joy Is Everything

Author: siggy

Life without joy is a life of despair.


Rejoice.  Again I say rejoice.  It is a commandment of the Bible.  There is much to rejoice about.  If your blood is pulsating through your veins.  That is no small thing.

Life is, in deed, very precious.  And so is your health.  Take good care of your self.  We have that in control.  There is a correlation between health and joy although sometimes you have to override that and determine to seek joy.

Men live lives of quiet desperation.  Words by Thoreau.  Very much quoted.  Accept the bounties God has given you.  And find joy in them.  Rejoice.  Again I say rejoice.

I Love The Rain

Author: siggy

rainI love the rain. I am going to spend most of today indoors. I love hearing the pitter patter of the raindrops coming down and hitting the earth. It is so peaceful.

I know I am going to have to find ways to entertain myself. I will not be consumed with what I can not do for it is raining. I will enjoy a good book, a superb conversation with my wife.

A good rainy day gives me much joy. I will enjoy the earth being replenished. There is something soothing about raindrops. I will center on what I can do, not what I can’t do.

Who am I to complain? Rainy days are there to snuggle up to your beloved, make quiet but passionate love. I love rainy days.