I remember during my first serious relationship thinking every time I had a big fight it was the end of us.  She kept reassuring me it was not.  I now know couples have fights because they are trying to work things out.  Conflict is normal.  You just don’t want constant unresolved conflict for that is not healthy for the relationship.  It puts it on very fragile ground.  Fights are fueled by deep feelings and somehow you have to learn how to resolve differences.  It is the resolution of conflict that cements the relationship.  A fight means work needs to be done between the two of you.  It is a natural process.

Couples have issues they never resolve.  Think about it?  If both partners agree on all issues, then boredom would step in.  No matter how hard you try there will be issues you can’t resolve.

In my case, I am sloppy and my wife is a packrat.  I may be sloppy but disorder does bother me.  Dust does not bother me as much as my wife although I am the same person who wrote a poem, “I Love Dirt.”

I can not change my partner.  I try but I usually fail.  And my partner does the same, tries to change me.  Both of us are usually unsuccessful in our attempts to change the other–radically anyway.

Our basic personality is set.  Couples spend lifetimes trying to smooth out the rough edges between them.  It gives you something to do and also makes your relationship more interesting although divorce is plentiful.

Many people give up on their partners.  I don’t know how many times I read a famous couple state the reason for their breakup is ‘irrevocable differences’.

Every couple is incompatible.  You work things out and there will always be issues that never can be worked out.  And somehow you need to accept your differences.  And respect them.  That is what makes the relationship work–respect.