Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

The two worse words in the English language are “I can’t”.

Nothing more than those two words can destroy a relationship.

Nothing more than those two words can destroy one’s potential.

And there is nothing worse than not trying.

“I can’t.”  I can’t tell you how many times I flung those words at my wife.  She flung them back at me.  My two children, 4 and 5, are learning the same.  I am now trying to undo the damage.  For six years my wife has refused to listen to those two words.  When I uttered them in her presence she would scream at me, “No!  No!  Anything is possible.  Please don’t teach our two children to say those words and believe just because something is difficult that is enough reason not to try.”  For six years she has been hammering at me.  For years those around me had exclaimed, “There is absolutely nothing you can’t do.”  I would just shrug my shoulders and continue my negative ways.  I will turn 45 soon.  For the first time in my life I believe I am capable.  My wife has finally won.  “I can’t” has been eliminated from my vocabulary and replaced with the attitude, “I can.”  Every successful man has a woman behind him.  I know that perfectly.  And I have fought my wife every step of the way.  But now I believe.

Tags: "I can't", "I can", anything is possible, believing you are capable, I believe, marriage, negative attitude, relationships, teach your children
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I remember during my first serious relationship thinking every time I had a big fight it was the end of us.  She kept reassuring me it was not.  I now know couples have fights because they are trying to work things out.  Conflict is normal.  You just don’t want constant unresolved conflict for that is not healthy for the relationship.  It puts it on very fragile ground.  Fights are fueled by deep feelings and somehow you have to learn how to resolve differences.  It is the resolution of conflict that cements the relationship.  A fight means work needs to be done between the two of you.  It is a natural process.

Tags: a fight between the two of you, conflict is normal, conflict resolution, couples fight, deep feelings, relationships, resolve differences, unresolved conflict, work things out
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Every person has a different cross to bear.  In Paul’s case (from the New Testament) it was his ‘thorn in the flesh’ God would not remove despite his fervent prayers.  Sometimes prayers will resolve a situation or physical infirmity but sometimes not.  His answer is, “No.”  Every person has something different to deal with.  Sometimes, also, we create our own hell.  And sometimes it is not our fault.  It is our unique situation.  It could be fractured relationships.  Maybe, a mom or dad or sibling or friend or mate.  We can not even compare ourselves to someone else.  That really does not help.  Everyone has problems.  That is the way it is.  Every person has a different cross to bear.  It is really out of our hands.  All you can do is pray.  And change what is in your power to change.  And leave the rest up to Him.  Everything is by grace.

Tags: Bible, change what is in your power, create our own hell, cross to bear, do not compare yourself, everyone has problems, everything-is-by-grace, fervent prayers, God, infirmities, leave the rest up to Him, New Testament, not our fault, physical infirmity, pray, relationships, St. Paul, your "thorn in the flesh"
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All of a sudden I felt old.  I was at an open mike of a coffeehouse.  A performer did a song of Bob Dylan’s.  I no longer remember the title but someone went up to the performer and told him it was great you were doing Dylan’s material and his material was not forgotten.  Suddenly I realized the song he did was fifty years old.  Dylan wrote one great song after another during that period.  The songs were a rallying point for the sixties civil (???) movement.  Maybe they will be discovered anew if the climate of our nation changes.  Those sixties songs captured a generation. And are there for subsequent generations to discover.

Tags: 1960's, Bob Dylan, coffeehouse, feeling old, music, open mike, relationships, seasons, the sixties civil right movement
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Pain enables us to grow.  I am what I am not despite my bipolar disorder but because of it.  I certainly now have more empathy for others who suffer, whatever the reason.  It does not matter really why.  Yes, I have been to hell and back but so have many others.  What if nothing ever went wrong in your life?!  You would just experience boredom.  No one experiences this utopia.  Why should you feel for anyone else pain?  It is your own pain and suffering that produces empathy for others.

Tags: balance, bipolar disorder, depression, empathy for others, God, mental health, pain and growth, pain and suffering, relationships, suffer
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Can one person completely satisfy the needs of another?  I once had a major fight with a girl friend over that.  She said “Yes.”  I said, “No.”  Sure, you want your “other” to satisfy most of your needs but all?  To me, that relationship would become awfully ingrown (and stale).  Other relationships add to your main one.  Of course, you have to be very careful how you carry on with the opposite sex.  And maintain a relationship very carefully so you don’t threaten your partner.  Under very special, open conditions.  I can’t delineate the boundaries.  You have to do that.  Maybe a relationship in his/her presence as couples.  We are all different and other people bring out different qualities in you.  And then these qualities brought out by someone else you can add to your main relationship.  Relationships with the same sex are a little easier to maintain.  It is always a balancing act.  You do not want to diminish your relationship with your partner.  Each person you meet should add something positive to you.  Having a network of friends takes some of the pressure off your mate.  No one person can satisfy all your needs.  Nor should you try.

Tags: couples, girl friend, network of friends, opposite sex, relationships, satisfy all your needs, your mate, your other, your partner
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Life is always about connections:  the relationships you make and maintain.  You should never neglect your mate but there is always a danger your relationship will become stale.  Sometimes a simple thing like leaving the house and doing a chore is good.  You find out others have problems and you are not alone.  People have a way of expressing their present concerns.  Sometimes it is a question of eavesdropping.  You are just there.  Like shopping in a food aisle.  Other times, you may want to reach out in some way.  Each person has a deep need to be listened to.  You just may be that person but you have to make yourself available.  No one lives in a vacuum.  Sometimes you have to take a chance–open up to someone.  There is no such thing as small talk.  Yes, it is true it may stay there but often it is an opening for you to take.

It is just not good to stay in the house all the time.  Our thoughts just revolve.  And we need to break the cycle.  Sometimes it means taking chances with perfect strangers.  You never know when you will meet an angel.  And furthermore how can you possibly make new friends if you do not take a chance by revealing something personal about you?  Each friend you have was once a stranger.  Never stop reaching out.  Life is about relationships.  In John Dunn’s words, ‘No man is an island’.  We don’t exist by ourselves.  We are all connected.  Each person has a deep need to love and be loved.

Tags: an angel, connections, doing a chore, eavesdropping, everyone has problems, friends, John Dunn, life, listen, make new friends, make yourself available, need to love and be loved, no man is an island, open up to someone, reach out, relationships, shopping, small talk, stay in the house, strangers, thoughts, we are all connected, you are not alone, your mate
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What is matter with you!?  Right away puts me on the defensive.  I know damn well I am flawed.  Maybe a more personal statement using “I” in it would be better.  As such:  what you are doing bothers me.  Make it a little more personal instead:  use exact terms.  Maybe give me a chance to explain my actions or even apologize for hurting you but don’t say, ‘What is a matter with you?!’  Give me a chance to talk.  Don’t shut me down.  Give me the benefit of the doubt.  You would want the same courtesy.  Communication is always a two way street.  Don’t assume you are always right.  Or justified.  Give me a chance.  That is all I ever wanted.

Tags: always right, apologize, benefit of the doubt, chance to talk, communication, courtesy, don't shut me down, give me a chance, hurting you, I know I am flawed, justified, marriage, relationships, talk, two way street
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The worse thing about depression is you isolate yourself.  Staying in the house reinforces your isolation.  Going out in the sunlight is therapeutic.  All of a sudden you are exposed to different and other worlds.

Even if you do not talk to others (and this is hard not to do), you realize your world is not the only world.  There are multiple universes around you evolving.  A simple thing like going to the post office or the local supermarket can make a difference in your life.  You rub elbows with other people.

You hear snatches of conversations even if it is not directed at you.  It makes a difference.  Others have struggles in their life.  It is so easy to magnify your problems.  Going out exposes you to other peoples’ lives.

And there are those who have fractured relationships–marriages that are breaking up or simply for one reason or another are presently under a lot of stress.  And you overhear conversations that reflect this.

You are not alone.  You may find yourself reaching out to others.  And none of this would have happened if you continued to isolate yourself.  Go out.  It matters.  And reach out to others.  Your problems may shrink in proportion to others.  Isolation is never good.

Tags: conversation, depression, go out, God, isolate yourself, magnify your problems, marriage, other people, post office, reach out to others, relationships, stay in the house, stress, struggles in life, sunlight, supermarket, talk to others, therapeutic, you are not alone, your problems, your world
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One and one are three. I was in my office, looked around and thought you have improved my life. It is said in the bible it is not good to be alone. I am convinced “The Creator” made marriage for one reason–to teach us to love better. It really makes no difference who your partner is. Each person in a relationship is “stretched”, has to take in their partner with all their strengths and weaknesses and somehow learn to love the other despite their flawed nature. Sure one can break up the union.  Despite that, one and one always makes three.

Tags: Bible, flawed nature, God, learn to love, marriage, relationships, teach us to love, the Creator
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It does me no good to point out my wife’s shortcomings.  We had a fight last night.  And I thought about this the following morning.

I will let the details go.  It does me no good to tell my wife you were wrong.  You did this and that.  Why should I mention my partner’s shortcomings?

I am well aware I err again and again.  That is why it is so important to let go of all your resentment of your partner at the end of the night.

We are all flawed.  We are commanded to forgive each other.  And start all over the next morning–to give each other a clean slate.  What right do I have to point out to my wife her shortcomings?!

I know how imperfect I am.  I do not have to be convinced of that.  So let your resentments go.  We are all sinners.  Do you have any doubt you aren’t?!

Tags: argument, clean slate, forgive each other, God, let go of resentment, marriage, my wife, relationships, shortcomings, sinners, we are all flawed, we are all sinners
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Couples have issues they never resolve.  Think about it?  If both partners agree on all issues, then boredom would step in.  No matter how hard you try there will be issues you can’t resolve.

In my case, I am sloppy and my wife is a packrat.  I may be sloppy but disorder does bother me.  Dust does not bother me as much as my wife although I am the same person who wrote a poem, “I Love Dirt.”

I can not change my partner.  I try but I usually fail.  And my partner does the same, tries to change me.  Both of us are usually unsuccessful in our attempts to change the other–radically anyway.

Our basic personality is set.  Couples spend lifetimes trying to smooth out the rough edges between them.  It gives you something to do and also makes your relationship more interesting although divorce is plentiful.

Many people give up on their partners.  I don’t know how many times I read a famous couple state the reason for their breakup is ‘irrevocable differences’.

Every couple is incompatible.  You work things out and there will always be issues that never can be worked out.  And somehow you need to accept your differences.  And respect them.  That is what makes the relationship work–respect.

Tags: "I love dirt", accept your differences, cannot change my partner, couples, disorder, divorce, dust, incompatible, irrevocable differences, issues you can't resolve, my partner, packrat, relationships, respect your partner, sloppy, work things out
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