Dec
17
2014
I had to remind myself of the scripture that says, ‘Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.’ My wife kept complaining I was interrupting her all the time. And I thought of that passage from the bible and it gave me a weapon to help me to stop doing that. It was a bad habit I had and now I had a way to stop doing it. It would not be easy, though. I would have to work at it.
Dec
5
2014
My wife and I have a fierce Scrabble rivalry. I taught her all my tricks. Now she beats me more than I beat her–at least it seems that way usually by using all her tiles in one move: there is a fifty point bonus if you do that. Recently I had a game where I did that three times. I won that game.
Lately our games don’t last longer than an hour. She used to deliberate forever: I taught her how to focus logically on the words and premiums played. There was a time years ago she thought counting points was mercenary. I taught her how to maximize her points.
In the instructions of the game it says the total of the points scored in one game is usually between 500 and 700 hundred or more depending on the skill of the players. Yesterday we played our second highest score (890 points). In over ten years we have played hundreds of games between us. It is hard to lose a game when you score 419 points but I did: she had 471 points.
She has become a worthy opponent. That we have an activity we both enjoy so much and are so equally matched is only by the grace of God. And she is my wife. I still think she has become a better player than me. Only by a hair.
Nov
24
2014
Tilla, my favorite dog, likes to make me laugh. Just the other day he was lying on his back vigorously wagging his tail. I just had to laugh. That must have been his intention. I am convinced he has a sense of humor and likes to make me laugh.
Nov
6
2014
How sad you stopped noting your birthday years ago. You led too solitary a life. There was no one around you to make a fuss about your birthday. Hermits stop celebrating their birthdays. You get one special day a year. If there is no one around you to make you feel special that day you stop noting that day. My family (and some friends) always noted that day. It is just so sad there is almost no one in your life to do that. So you stopped celebrating your birthday.
Sep
29
2014
“Tilly, Willy”, as I affectionately call him, and I fall asleep together. Lately he jumps on the bed right next to me as I fall asleep. My eighty pound dog is comforting to be within reach. I stroke him as I fall asleep. My wife who sometimes goes to sleep an half an hour later says he is gone from the bed by then. He is my buddy. I have a special relationship with him–all eighty pounds of him. He is open about his affection toward me: Sometimes he will jump on the bed when I enter our bedroom just to be hugged and hug me. And jump off when I leave the room.
Aug
8
2014
Depression is isolation (and that is a terrible thing). By no means do I want the person who is experiencing depression to feel guilty but I want to explain the results of depression and why you need to break that terrible cycle.
A person’s natural reaction is to become terribly egocentric. You simply do not want to see anyone. I would tell my daughter to do anything, walk to the post office, buy a stamp, anything to get out of the house.
Depression makes you very selfish. You can not see beyond yourself. It is so important to break the cycle of depression. It is done in small degrees by grabbing the power you have.
Every person can gain more control of some aspect of their life. You do it in small steps and eventually the depression will lift.
By all means if a doctor or therapist will help use their services. You do not have to do it alone. You can break the sphere of isolation. It will not happen overnight.
Jun
28
2014
We saw twin fawns with their Mom only a mile from our house. We saw the doe after spotting the fawns. I had a camera but could not figure out how to “capture” the scene. I had never seen twin fawns before. Maybe, next time I will have better command of my camera and will be able to get a picture of such a sight. Nevertheless, the scene will be indelibly etched in our minds. It was one precious moment.
Jun
15
2014
The dynamics between our dogs have changed. The first day after Pax was put to sleep the remaining three dogs lay around depressed. All of a sudden the remaining three dogs were quieter. The “ring leader”, Pax was gone. He was the alpha dog and extremely vocal. He always had something to say. When the dogs were let loose into the yard, he always ran into the furthest corner of our yard barking every step of the way. Now sometimes you did not realize they were in the house (or outside): there was no barking. Let us see how they continue to act now with Pax gone.
Jun
15
2014
Being a father is not a right. It is a privilege. Sunday was Father’s Day. My son called me to wish me “Happy Father’s Day.” I did not hear from my daughter: she had hung up on me several weeks ago and cursed me out. I had written her a letter and she reacted violently to my words. Either we have a relationship based on truth or we have no relationship. It is her choice not to talk to me. I am not her friend but her Dad. And I will continue to speak the truth whether or not she likes it.
Lynelle and I celebrated Father’s Day by taking the Millersburg ferry across the Susquehanna River and eating at a great restaurant that was walking distance. Millersburg is a great quaint town. I took many pictures with my new digital camera of the river and of the town. I could not think of a better way to spend Father’s Day.
Jun
14
2014
We had to put Pax to sleep last night. My wife could not witness it. He was a great dog–fourteen years old. This did not make it any easier. He had a full life as a big dog. With much difficulty we got him into my car. I had to wait in the waiting room about fifteen minutes. Pax was in such bad pain. He could hardly move. He had two ripped knees and just got worse with his medication. He would not stop panting. I talked to him softly, stroked him lightly while we were waiting.
Finally we got into the room and he lay on the stainless steel. I did not stop stroking him lightly and talking to him. He lay there and I kept softly stroking him on ___ and talking softly to him. It was his last few minutes. The vet explained to me what was going to happen, shaved one of his legs and gave him his injection. I talked to him softly and lightly patted him as he went from one realm into another.
I burst into tears uncontrollably when he became still. I knew him for twelve of his fourteen years. He had such dignity. In the end no matter how difficult it was for him to exit into our yard and navigate the steps, he still went out into the yard to pee.
We did this for him not us. Now he can run freely, with no pain. Maybe, one time we will meet in heaven. He was a great dog. I loved him but I had to let him go. He is now in a better place.
Jun
10
2014
China and I have engrossing conversations. He is this long haired black and white exotically marked cat. We talk to one another. I “meow” and “meow”. And sometimes he replies. Other times he snuggles against me. I have no idea what I am saying in cat language but he gets the message: I love him and want to be near him. He is the most vocal of all our cats. We have seven. I have different relationships with all of them. Cheyenne, also long haired like China and his brother is one of the most beautiful cats I have ever seen. He often goes in the opposite direction when I approach him. He just does not like me. Both China and Cheyenne have the same mother Jasmine, a diminutive female who seems to get along with everyone including her four sons from two litters. Sometimes they all can be found lying near each other on my bed. I never thought I would become a cat lover but I have. They are very different than dogs. And I have four dogs. Our menagerie now numbers eleven. No fish yet.
Jun
9
2014
Pax is part of our family. He is old for a large dog: fourteen years old. He once weighed ninety six pounds. He is down to eighty-two pounds and can barely get around. Both of his knees are torn and all his muscles in his back have atrophied. He has been taking pain medications twice a day and then we added an anti-inflammatory medication twice a day. Finally that was replaced by steroids which we just started yesterday. We talked
about putting him down.
He is pooping all over the house and now peeing all over the house. He is a plucky dog. He gets in and out of our house with much difficulty. I am hoping the prednisone helps him more. The vet said that outside of his knees he is in relatively good shape for a dog of his age and size. His advice was to make him as comfortable as possible. I told my wife if she was incontinent and even senile I would not abandon her. We both love Pax and will just clean up after him. We are not going to put him down unless he can not get around any longer and is in too much pain. He is part of our family.
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