Dec
1
2013
I froze. I quickly dashed out for an errand and was glad to be back in my heated house. Twenty-nine degrees outside. Yes, winter has come. Not officially for another three weeks. The cold is here to stay. Once winter comes I will start a countdown to spring. Anything to relieve the cold. I know before I know it winter will pass and spring is next. It is all an illusion. The cold weather is here to stay. It is going to be a long winter.
Nov
21
2013
I reviewed the things that were depressing me. And listed them. There were some major reasons and some minor ones that by themselves were not enough to cause me to be depressed but were just another reason to be. It was an accumulation of factors. I am trying to eliminate what is in my control to change and see if my depression will lift. It is worth trying.
Nov
17
2013
Everything is by grace. I was taking a shower today and had to remind myself the house I lived in before had no shower and for fifteen years I could not take a shower. I remember being thrilled every time we were in a motel: they had showers. I thought about all that briefly. Everything is by grace–even a shower.
Nov
16
2013
I was depressed lately. Depression is not something, necessarily, to stamp out. I was aware depression was something I had to work through. Nothing happens in a vacuum. I knew I could not do this alone. And needed someone’s help to do that. I don’t think my wife could help me. I had to seek the help elsewhere. Someone who was not invested in me personally. Depression is an indicator. There are reasons for every state. I just had to “work” through them.
Nov
13
2013
I just want to stay in: it is thirty-seven degrees with a wind and cold. Fall is already half over and then winter hits–how discouraging. I will try to have enough clothing on when I go out and just bear it. Before I know it, it will be spring. At least, I like to delude myself that is true.
Oct
16
2013
There are too many clothes in my closets. I found eight long sleeved shirts and grouped them. There are so many shirts I hardly wore. I don’t even know where they came from. I still think my clothes breed in secret. I did not buy them. There is a clothes giveaway in town and my wife must have gotten some of them there. I am ready to give some back. My favorite ones get lost in the shuffle.
Oct
11
2013
Indian summer is over. Within the last week, we ended a week of weather whereby it hit eighty each day. Now sometimes the high temperature of the day falls below sixty degrees. Now it is wet and cold. I am no longer wearing tee shirts and shorts. I have to pack them away. The summer is over for good at least until next year.
Sep
26
2013
The waxed begonias–both beds–and the two Gerbera Daisies are doing fine. In fact in the last week I discovered the bright red Gerbera Daisy has a second flower this one facing the fence and the orange one has another bud coming up. It is only the beginning of Fall so let us see how long these flowers flourish. When it turns colder I will keep my eyes open for signs of the primrose. There is, I believe, six different colored primrose. I love watching my yard for different signs of life, particularly, the flowers. Some are wild, some aren’t.
Sep
26
2013
It is always better in the light. I need to get out, rub shoulders with others–even if it is only briefly. Sleep is coming from the darkness. It is an abyss. You have no control of your dreams. It is almost like death. My surroundings are too familiar. Outside it is light (and sometimes hope). Depression is too easy. It is always better in the light.
Sep
6
2013
“My wife is driving me crazy!” ‘Join the crew.’ my doctor said. It is amazing how the right words spoken at the right moment can validate you. And make you feel like you are not all alone. The worst thing is feeling you are going through something all alone. Or, at least, thinking you are.
Sep
6
2013
Give us today our daily bread. The prayer we give every day is God satisfies our daily needs. This is illustrated by one of Jesus’ parables. A farmer had a great crop and he built a gigantic store house. And Jesus came to him and called him a fool. Jesus informed him his time has come. You don’t have to stock up. He will take care of us every day. And it is a day at a time. That should be our prayer: He fulfills all our physical needs a day at a time. Each day you face.
Aug
23
2013
Such diversity in our world. An example is the black-eyed Susan. They come up every year–in different spots in our yard. They seed themselves. They are fighting for space with other weeds. If you look at one bed, the flowers are at different heights and even at different angles. I love looking at them. The flowers last a long time–weeks in fact. They come up a little later in the season. Every year I await them and they never fail to please me.
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