I am going to vanquish my winter blues. It is too much self–indulgence. My pets love me (and my wife). And that is enough. My favorite dog, Tilla, ‘adores’ me, in the words of my daughter. I did nothing to deserve all that. And that is an incomplete list of the seven cats and two dogs who each love me in their own way. My pets do not care what I do or am. And my wife does not care about the degree I do not have, or job for that matter.
Tags: cats, depression, dogs, my daughter, pets, the love of my wife, Tilla, vanquish Winter blues, winter blues
Posted in animals, balance, children, life, local, love, marriage, mental health, pets, relationships, seasons, wisdom |
My birthday is coming up (and I am just depressed). I can not tell you exactly why although I can guess. Part of that is grief. Most of my life is over. I can’t go back. Wishing is futile. Somehow I need to settle things. My relationship with my daughter is fractured. I don’t know how to repair it. Lectures and judgements don’t do it. I am aware of the ticking time. I am running out of time. I guess, everyone wants to leave a legacy. I am working at getting my first book of poetry out but it is a long and uncertain process. My wife is the only one who really cares about that. She is my editor and a good one. Things really don’t matter. I really don’t know how much time I have left. For that matter, no one knows for sure. I know that somehow I need to make peace with the people who matter to me. I don’t know how. I am just depressed. That is all I know.
Tags: birthdays, depression, editor, grief, make peace with people, my birthday is coming up and I don't care, my daughter, my fractured relationships, my legacy, my wife, peace, poetry, publishing a book, running out of time, time, writing
Posted in balance, children, death, God, life, love, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession |
Sometimes depression is totally biochemical. Yesterday I was pretty depressed. I could certainly justify it, find reasons for it. I awoke today and it was like someone hit a switch: I was no longer depressed. It had vanished overnight. Depression is not always psychological. It is sometimes physiological. For some reason you are depressed. It has something to do with your brain chemistry. No more. No less. Time always bears this out.
Tags: brain biochemistry, depression, no longer depressed, physiological, psychological, time
Posted in balance, local, mental health, time, wisdom |
I reviewed the things that were depressing me. And listed them. There were some major reasons and some minor ones that by themselves were not enough to cause me to be depressed but were just another reason to be. It was an accumulation of factors. I am trying to eliminate what is in my control to change and see if my depression will lift. It is worth trying.
Tags: chipping at depression, depression, depression an accumulation of factors, in my control to change, mental health
Posted in balance, life, local, mental health, time, wisdom |
I was depressed lately. Depression is not something, necessarily, to stamp out. I was aware depression was something I had to work through. Nothing happens in a vacuum. I knew I could not do this alone. And needed someone’s help to do that. I don’t think my wife could help me. I had to seek the help elsewhere. Someone who was not invested in me personally. Depression is an indicator. There are reasons for every state. I just had to “work” through them.
Tags: depression, depression is an indicator, mental health, my wife, needed someone's help, working through depression
Posted in balance, local, marriage, mental health, relationships, time |
Things really don’t make me happy. Acceptance and recognition. I first have to be happy with whom I am. The other two “states” are also important. You can have everything you want and still be unhappy. Each person has a calling. You certainly are unhappy if you are not following yours. It is hard to do alone. An occasional recognition for your accomplishments, that validate what you are trying to do is necessary. It keeps you going. A word of praise can keep you going for a long time. That is why I keep an “Inspiration” file. When my enthusiasm wanes or depression sets in I pull out the file and get recharged reading my collection I amassed over the years just for that purpose. Things don’t really make me happy.
Tags: acceptance and recognition, depression, enthusiasm, happy, inspiration, things, things don't really make me happy, unhappy, word of praise, your calling
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession |
I have to dress as if this day is important discarding the sweats I usually slip on after I awake and put on clothes I would not mind anyone to see me in. Despite my depression. It matters. Eventually the depression will lift. And knowing you took the care to really start the day makes a difference, which means showering, putting clean clothing on, brushing your teeth, etc. All that affects your attitude to face the rest of the day. Working from the outside in.
Tags: affects your attitude, brushing your teeth, depression, depression and facing your new day, dress so no one would be ashamed to see you, It matters how you dress, putting clean clothing on, showering, wearing sweats, working from the outside in
Posted in balance, humor, knowledge&learning, life, local, mental health, time, your job/mission/profession |
If each day is a miracle and I can’t feel that lost in depression, is it really? I do believe in miracles but I know my moods are deceivers. Let me consider if each day is not a miracle and isn’t this a slide into oblivion. Maybe, I can’t trust my feelings (my depression in this case) and choose to believe each day you have on earth is really a miracle and wait until I feel that. The converse of that belief is futility. Depressions do come and go. I just have to ride it out and believe the time I spend here is worthwhile. That is what I choose to believe.
Tags: can't trust my feelings, choose to believe, depression, depressions come and go, each day is a miracle, each day on earth, futility, God, Miracles and depression, moods are deceivers, my time is worthwhile, ride it out, slide into oblivion
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, time, your job/mission/profession |
My depression is only the tip of the iceberg. It is only an indicator that there are too many things below the surface I am feeling helpless about and I have to examine those things, reconcile what I can and go on from there. Everyone has struggles and so much control of their life. What do I have a little more control of? And change what I can to whatever degree. Depression does not really usually stem from one cause but really comes from an accumulation of things you have lost control of or at least feel that way. Grabbing back some of the control gradually should lift the depression. At least, I hope so in my case.
Tags: breaking your depression, change what I can, depression, depression the tip of the iceberg, feeling helpless, lift the depression, lost control, take back some control
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, time |
I got the winter blues. It is not unbearably cold and we only had two minor snow storms. Nevertheless, I don’t want to be here but I am and don’t know what to do with myself. 
I will go out (???) do a little shopping just to go out and go to the library. Maybe, my depression will lift a bit. Winter has just started. And spring is still too far away to begin a countdown. I will just bear it.
Tags: countdown to Spring, depression, library, seasons, shopping, snow storms, spring, winter, winter blues
Posted in life, local, mental health, nature, seasons, time |
Pain enables us to grow. I am what I am not despite my bipolar disorder but because of it. I certainly now have more empathy for others who suffer, whatever the reason. It does not matter really why. Yes, I have been to hell and back but so have many others. What if nothing ever went wrong in your life?! You would just experience boredom. No one experiences this utopia. Why should you feel for anyone else pain? It is your own pain and suffering that produces empathy for others.
Tags: balance, bipolar disorder, depression, empathy for others, God, mental health, pain and growth, pain and suffering, relationships, suffer
Posted in God, health, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom |
Sometimes depression dissipates when you get going. I was somewhat depressed. I started doing some straightening up in my house. An hour later I realized it had left me. It helps sometimes to get physically moving. I forgot about my depression.
Tags: depression, depression lifts, get physically moving helps, mental health
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, local, mental health, time, wisdom |
