Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

I tried to answer the not so small question: What is in my control? I have been grabbling (???) with depression for two months. This morning I tried to stop and ask myself that question.

The answers are not so easily forthcoming. Dialysis is on the horizon. There are financial concerns. And I can’t seem to shake my depression.

There is the trust to help me when I need it. And the inheritance from my aunt down the road. But money and things don’t seem to satisfy me.

It has to go beyond that. The holidays are coming. And that is always a hard time for me but I have to keep asking myself: What is in my control? It is difficult to see that right now.

Tags: depression, dialysis, financial concerns, God, holidays, money and things don't satisfy, what is in my control
Posted in death, health, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, time | No Comments »

I was just depressed.  The holidays were done.  It was January and the winter and cold were here to stay.  At least for three months.  My future prospects did not seem good.

I always wondered how it would be not to live in a temperate climate–something I have done all my life.  My nephew did his undergraduate work at Berkeley and once he had a taste of living in a climate where it does not get too cold, he wanted to go back.

I always wondered how it would be.  I have never been to California.  And never liked the cold although spring was always my favorite season.  I just wanted to get through another winter and it was just beginning and I was depressed by all that.  And did not know what to do but just to bear it and wear warmer clothing and stay in and somehow keep warm.

Tags: Berkeley, California, cold weather, depressed, don't like cold weather, holidays, January, keep warm, nephew, spring my favorite season, stay indoors, temperate climate, undergraduate, warm climate, wear warm clothing, winter
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We have a “rescue” tree for a Christmas tree.  You heard of others adopting a “rescue” animal, well we rescued part of this large branch that an ice storm ripped down from our large white pine tree.

It is kind of funny looking but I am sure we will never forget this Christmas tree.  It droops in one direction despite any efforts of us to right it.  It will temporarily live in our house near the window during the holidays.

The large branch was laying on the ground outside kind of forlorn looking.  Tomorrow my wife will brighten it up with lights.  We gave it another chance.

Tags: Christmas lights, Christmas tree, forlorn looking, gave it another chance, holidays, ice storm, large branch, my wife, rescue animal, rescue tree, white pine tree
Posted in beauty, knowledge&learning, life, local, love, marriage, nature, seasons, time | No Comments »

It is never too late to start a new tradition with your kids.  It still remains to be seen if it turns out to be a new tradition but I remain hopeful.

I never saw my two kids at Christmas time.  I was divorced since 2002 and I never remember seeing them then.  It was always a painful time for me.  I was always reminded my two kids lived with their Mom.

Last night I had my two kids over for Hanukkah (I am Jewish, too).  I decided to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas early last night.  Hanukkah is eight days long and my “window” is much larger to see them.

I made potato latkes (potato pancakes) and cheesecake cupcakes for dinner for them and my wife.  We exchanged Christmas presents.  It was a pleasant evening and gave me hope that I might have started a new tradition.

The holidays were always a “hard” time for me.  It is never too late to start a new tradition.

Tags: cheesecake, Christmas, Christmas presents, cupcakes, dinner, divorce, eight days, Hanukkah, holidays, Jewish, mother, my kids, my wife, painful time, potato latkes, potato pancakes, start a new tradition
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All I could do was ride out it out–my depression that is.  I knew why.  My wife reminded me it was a bad time.  The “holidays” were coming up.  That was always a hard time for me.

The holidays reminded me, particularly, I was separated from my kids.  It reminded me of my divorce.  I was always glad when Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year were over.

There are such high expectations during the Christmas season.  I could never meet them.  I was, also, afraid of disappointing people around me.

Of course, this year I had health concerns and was trying to figure out what control I could exert in that area.  My depression was an accumulation of many things–a lot of which was not in my control.

I was not going to do any thing rash.  I was just going to ride it out.  I know most of the depression would lift when the new year came.  That was comforting to know.  And that was all I needed to know.  My depression would end.

Tags: Christmas, Christmas season, comforting, depression, depression would lift, divorce, health concerns, high expectations, holidays, my depression would end, my kids, my wife, New Year, not in my control, ride it out, separation, thanksgiving
Posted in balance, children, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, local, love, marriage, mental health, relationships, seasons, time, wisdom | No Comments »