Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

My birthday is coming up (and I am just depressed). I can not tell you exactly why although I can guess. Part of that is grief. Most of my life is over. I can’t go back. Wishing is futile. Somehow I need to settle things. My relationship with my daughter is fractured. I don’t know how to repair it. Lectures and judgements don’t do it. I am aware of the ticking time. I am running out of time. I guess, everyone wants to leave a legacy. I am working at getting my first book of poetry out but it is a long and uncertain process. My wife is the only one who really cares about that. She is my editor and a good one. Things really don’t matter. I really don’t know how much time I have left. For that matter, no one knows for sure. I know that somehow I need to make peace with the people who matter to me. I don’t know how. I am just depressed. That is all I know.

Tags: birthdays, depression, editor, grief, make peace with people, my birthday is coming up and I don't care, my daughter, my fractured relationships, my legacy, my wife, peace, poetry, publishing a book, running out of time, time, writing
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I can’t compare myself to anyone.  I have to till the soil that is mine.  God has given me certain gifts.  And has wired me a certain way.  And all I can do is follow that tiny voice only I can hear.

It does me no good to even consider if I will have any kind of legacy.  That is not up to me.  Every person created is different.  There have been billions of people on this earth and each is is unique–a snowflake.

No one can really tell me what to do, what is most important to me, what drives me.  Certainly life is full of others who are too quick to tell you this.

Your conscience is really your ultimate guide.  Your time here is finite and all you can do is unravel the path set out for you, which only you know.  I have to till the soil that is only mine.

Some people’s destiny is grand and others are on a smaller scale –most people for that matter.  You have to accept the place given to you.  We are all part of a whole.  And ripples go forth into the universe when you are following the path only set for you.

Tags: accept your place, billions of people created, do not compare yourself, every person is different, follow the tiny voice, follow your path, gifts from God, God, my legacy, only I can hear, ripples into the universe, snowflake, till the soil, unravel your path, we are part of a whole, you are unique, your conscience is your guide, your destiny, your time is finite here
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My Eulogy

Writing our own eulogy is our latest exercise in our small writing group “Inklings”.  I really am balking at doing this exercise.  I am finding this to be a very difficult thing to do.

I guess I am afraid my life has been in vain–just an exercise in futility.  My life is an illusion.  I like to think I matter to others but maybe I don’t.  Maybe the only person I make a difference to is my wife (and no one beyond that).

I write about things that matter to me and maybe that is an exercise in futility, too.  I really don’t know.  I am afraid to write my eulogy.  I can not listen to my own eulogy although if I could I am not sure I would want to.

I am not sure anyone would come to my funeral.  I’d like to think at least one person namely my wife and two kids who are young adults would notice my passing.

Anyway, it has taken me several paragraphs to get here.  Despite my reluctance I will attempt to write my eulogy.

I like to think that after I die some of my words I have written (thousands) would inspire someone out there.  I would like to think I have earned the respect of people and would be considered a kind person.  And maybe I do not deserve that reputation although I would like to think I have.

I like to believe there would be a celebration of a life well spent.  That most of the memories I left behind would be good ones.

I do not know whether I will live to the day that I will have grandchildren.  It still may happen.  If so, I hope I will leave them a legacy behind–something for them to aspire to.  I want others to believe never to give up no matter how difficult your situation has become.  Perhaps my struggle with my bipolar illness will give others hope if they had to deal with a mental illness.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I want others to laugh at some of the words I have written.  Humor is important.  One should never forget to laugh at oneself.  Never take yourself too important.  I hope others will occasionally come across some of my humorous poetry and laugh.

May I have imparted to my children how beautiful this world really is.  A sense of wonder is a legacy I would be proud to have imparted.

Maybe I can sum up in one sentence the legacy I would hope I have imparted to others:  to be able to laugh, to see the beauty in the commonplace, to never give up whatever your difficulties and to learn to love those around you.

If that is part of the memories most of the people who I have left behind have of me I would be proud and would feel my life has been well spent.

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