My birthday is coming up (and I am just depressed). I can not tell you exactly why although I can guess. Part of that is grief. Most of my life is over. I can’t go back. Wishing is futile. Somehow I need to settle things. My relationship with my daughter is fractured. I don’t know how to repair it. Lectures and judgements don’t do it. I am aware of the ticking time. I am running out of time. I guess, everyone wants to leave a legacy. I am working at getting my first book of poetry out but it is a long and uncertain process. My wife is the only one who really cares about that. She is my editor and a good one. Things really don’t matter. I really don’t know how much time I have left. For that matter, no one knows for sure. I know that somehow I need to make peace with the people who matter to me. I don’t know how. I am just depressed. That is all I know.
Tags: birthdays, depression, editor, grief, make peace with people, my birthday is coming up and I don't care, my daughter, my fractured relationships, my legacy, my wife, peace, poetry, publishing a book, running out of time, time, writing
Posted in balance, children, death, God, life, love, mental health, relationships, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession |
I had to remind myself of the scripture that says, ‘Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.’ My wife kept complaining I was interrupting her all the time. And I thought of that passage from the bible and it gave me a weapon to help me to stop doing that. It was a bad habit I had and now I had a way to stop doing it. It would not be easy, though. I would have to work at it.
Tags: "quick to listen slow to speak and slow to anger", Bible, God, interrupting my wife, scripture
Posted in balance, God, life, local, love, marriage, mental health, relationships, wisdom |
I praised the Lord, again. I took a shower and had hot water. To many that may be a small thing but for months our hot water heater kept shutting down. We were able to buy another one and have pay someone to install it. Now we have hot water every time. On demand. I forget all those times we did not have hot water. It went on for months. So, again, I praise the Lord for this luxury. Yes, luxury. Hot water. For that matter, there are literally millions, maybe billions, of people in this world who do not have plumbing. Or even clean water. And I am considered poor in this country. Americans are so spoiled and have no idea how rich the average person in this country is. Compare yourself to the multitudes who do not have plumbing in their house. Or worse yet have no clean water. Americans are so spoiled.
Tags: hot water, hot water heater, poverty, praise the Lord, take a shower, the luxury of hot water, the poor and plumbing and clean water, the spoiled Americans
Posted in God, life, local, money, wisdom |
Sometimes depression is totally biochemical. Yesterday I was pretty depressed. I could certainly justify it, find reasons for it. I awoke today and it was like someone hit a switch: I was no longer depressed. It had vanished overnight. Depression is not always psychological. It is sometimes physiological. For some reason you are depressed. It has something to do with your brain chemistry. No more. No less. Time always bears this out.
Tags: brain biochemistry, depression, no longer depressed, physiological, psychological, time
Posted in balance, local, mental health, time, wisdom |
Depression is isolation (and that is a terrible thing). By no means do I want the person who is experiencing depression to feel guilty but I want to explain the results of depression and why you need to break that terrible cycle.
A person’s natural reaction is to become terribly egocentric. You simply do not want to see anyone. I would tell my daughter to do anything, walk to the post office, buy a stamp, anything to get out of the house.
Depression makes you very selfish. You can not see beyond yourself. It is so important to break the cycle of depression. It is done in small degrees by grabbing the power you have.
Every person can gain more control of some aspect of their life. You do it in small steps and eventually the depression will lift.
By all means if a doctor or therapist will help use their services. You do not have to do it alone. You can break the sphere of isolation. It will not happen overnight.
Tags: breaking your spell of depression, cycle of depression, depression and isolation, do not have to do it alone, doctor, gain more control, get out of the house, getting help during depression, mental health, the small degrees of grabbing the power you have, therapist
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, relationships, wisdom |
If we are not our brother’s keeper continue to house most of the mentally ill in jails. After all, who cares if they get put in isolation wards when they misbehave there. So that is a form of torture. They usually are put on the cheapest medications not always the proper ones. Families are being destroyed not to say anything of the individuals there. I am sure the suicide rate is high.
I saw this coming decades ago when the states started closing down their state hospitals. The money did not follow into community services but just “evaporated”. Hospitalizations are very expensive. Partials are very cost effective. There is no way a person can be stabilized in a few days. At least in a partial you can be monitored over a long period of time. The therapeutic level of a psychotropic medication is often one to two weeks.
Are we our brother’s keeper? Yes! Yes! We are commanded to take care of the weak, the infirm, those in poverty and the mentally ill. We can not turn our heads to them. Each individual must do his/her part to alleviate their suffering. Our society has become so far away from that. So do your part no matter the role you take. It is never too late to start.
Tags: alleviate suffering, brother's keeper, closing state hospitals, community services, do your part, God, mental illness and jails, never too late to start, partials, psychotropic medication, society, take care of the infirm, take care of the mentally ill, take care of the weak, take care of those in poverty, therapeutic level of medications
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, relationships, wisdom |
I thirst. The drink I had with me for my picnic had spilled out. We ate and all I could think of was to drink some water. Usually when I become thirsty I immediately drink something but this time I did not have any thing to drink. The park did not have any drinking water. Minutes later we stopped at a store and bought a large container of water, which I consumed. I now knew what it meant to be thirsty. That was all I could think about: drinking something. Now I knew what it meant to be thirsty.
Tags: being thirsty, buying water, drinking water, picnic, the park, thirsting
Posted in balance, health, knowledge&learning, life, local, marriage, money, wisdom |
“I don’t want my doctor to think I am mental”. This is a fragment of an conversation I overheard. I wanted to shake the person, ask her why she thinks her doctor (or therapist) is perfect, does not make mistakes like her. Everyone has problems and why do you think you are less than human because you are exhibiting, maybe, some turmoil over some problem or conflict. The doctor is there to assist you, not judge you. And certainly don’t judge yourself because you are exhibiting what you consider to be some aberrant behavior. Everyone is in the same boat: each person sins, errs and is imperfect so don’t condemn any part of you and think someone is better than you because they have some diplomas on the wall.
Tags: do not judge, doctor, each person is imperfect, each person sins, everyone errs, everyone has problems, everyone in the same boat, I am mental, mental health, mental illlness, therapist
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, life, local, mental health, wisdom |
I have a history with you. It makes a difference. I have to work on it. Communicate with you periodically. It is those histories that form your roots. Form enough and your roots go deep. It is those invisible ties that make you feel attached to an area. And roots take time (and energy and effort). Ultimately that is the only thing that matters: the people you have reached out and loved. That is your true legacy. The memories you have created in loving others.
Tags: an history and communication, histories form your roots, invisible ties, love, loving others, memories, roots take time, roots you have created, The only thing that matters, your legacy
Posted in balance, knowledge&learning, life, local, time, wisdom |
I could not imagine moving back to NJ, where I had lived most of my life. It has been over twenty-five years in Central Pennsylvania. My roots are now here. I have fallen in love with this area. If you live long enough in one spot you develop roots there. You can’t go home again. You can’t go back.
Tags: NJ, PA, you can't go back, you can't go home again, your roots
Posted in balance, life, local, mental health, relationships, seasons, time, wisdom |
It is so easy to become unhappy. It is so easy to center on what you don’t have. I have to center on the multiple blessings I have been given: food, shelter, a loving wife. Humans have the capacity to want things they don’t have. It only makes me unhappy. For the rest of the Christmas season and New Year I will thank the Lord for the many blessings I have been given. There is so much I have to thank the Lord for. I will think about those things the rest of the year.
Tags: blessings, Christmas, count your blessings, food and shelter, God, gratitude, it is so easy to become unhappy, loving wife, multiple blessings, New Year, thank God, thank the Lord
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, local, love, marriage, mental health, seasons, time, wisdom |
Every day is a gift. And a miracle. There is no way to get around that but to lead a life of despair. I chose not to do that. Every thing in my life is only by grace. I chose to believe every day is a miracle. And sometimes I wallow in despair. And have to work through it. The dawn is always around the next corner. In fact, it is right in front of you. And life can be bitter and contain much loss and pain. I have to work through it. And walk toward the Light–the Light that is always there. And sometimes I stop seeing it. It is there but my vision is clouded. I have to remove the blinders over and over. It is a process. I chose to believe every day is a miracle. There is no other way to live. The only other choice is despair.
Tags: dawn around the corner, dawn right in front of you, despair needs to be worked through, every day a miracle occurs, every day is a gift, every thing is by grace, God, grace, life can be bitter, life of despair, much loss and pain, remove the blinders, sometimes stop seeing the Light, The Light, the Light is always there, vision clouded, walk toward the Light, wallow in despair
Posted in balance, beauty, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, mental health, seasons, time, wisdom |
