Nov
17
2014
My wife was ready to put back the curtains on our large living room window. One curtain rod was missing. Both my wife and I looked up and down the room where we might have laid it. No luck. Then one evening I spotted it. It was resting on the frame of the window in plain sight. We both laughed. Sometimes you can get “blind” spots. You don’t see something because it is not where you expect it to be.
Feb
5
2010
A marriage (or any other committed relationship) gives you another chance to do your childhood all over. That seems like an odd statement but think about it: your mate comes from at best similarly though not totally alike childhoods raised by different parents.
You always have blind spots. And so does your partner. Marriage gives you an opportunity to expose some of these. And change in the process. Live with a person day in and day out and you have seen the positive and negative points of your partner.
And some of these points you were blind to until you had them pointed out usually in some kind of conflict. Every relationship has conflict. And conflict forces you to reexamine attitudes you possess that you may not have given much thought to until they caused you problems.
Usually couples who do not fight with one another are not dealing with their differences and flaws they possess. Compromises ensure the success in the relationship. And sparks usually fly in the process.
Eventually hopefully the rough edges between both of you are smoothed out. Marriage gives you the opportunity to face blind spots and grow. In a way no other common institution does.
Jun
19
2009
I am convinced God created marriage for only one reason: to teach us how to love better. That is the only reason, as far as I am concerned, this institution was created.
I am extremely self centered and narcissistic. Marriage forces me to examine my foibles and flaws. I mess up all the time and hurt my “other”.
I have to apologize and ask her for her forgiveness. I know precisely how flawed I am although I, often, am not aware exactly how having definite blind spots. Marriage forces you to examine your weaknesses and attempt to correct them.
Your partner sees the worst in you given enough time. There is no doubt about that. One never sees what goes on behind closed doors nor should they.
When we are in a primary relationship we have a chance to examine our flaws again. First we have to become aware of them, then decide how we want to change. Every family is dysfunctional. The only question is to what degree.
When we are in a relationship we are forced to examine our shortcomings. We have a chance to examine our childhood again. Every relationship is flawed including our parents’. When we live with someone nothing is hidden too long.
As time goes on, we have a chance to correct flaws we become aware of. I laughed at my friend when he said marriage is “work” (that was in my single days). I am no longer laughing at him. Marriage is work. Hopefully the pluses outweigh the minuses and the marriage survives.
Living with another is the hardest thing in the whole world. It is the compromises we have to work out that insure the success of the marriage. Living with another forces us to get out of our self-centeredness and forces us to love another human being better.
There are no easy answers to each marriage, each marriage is different. There is no more common institution than marriage to change the other. Too many people do not want to do the hard work it takes to continue the marriage or examine themselves and their flaws. Thus the high divorce rate. There are no easy answers to any marriage; it all takes time (and commitment) to one another.
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