Sep
6
2011
Permanence is only an illusion. Others grow up, change, die or move away. This was brought to the forefront. A neighbor had a moving sale. I never gave it any thought. Now the time I had left with them was only days. We never know when our time with someone is ended. All we could do is love the ones God puts in front of us. As if there is no tomorrow. You will never run out of people.
Mar
7
2011
It is easy to criticize the other. I am as guilty as the other. Sometimes all one sees is the flaws of another, the ways the other has failed you. And when you can’t see beyond that point, that is all you see–the imperfections of that person.
This is a really easy thing to do, just to see where someone has failed you. And both partners do it. Our vision becomes myopic. Faults are all you see.
The good points of your partner (or whoever) become buried in fault finding and criticism. It is a wicked cycle. And one can’t stop pointing out the others mistakes.
I just don’t know how to reverse that process and see, again, the best in someone else. Sometimes all you can see is blackness and you want to come out of that tunnel and start rediscovering why you were attracted to that person in the first place. You can only change by small degrees–small steps. This is a very difficult thing to do, especially in the face of negativity. All I can do is pray and ask for His help above.
Oct
22
2009
Thinking you are perfectly normal all the time is not always a good thing. You can create havoc around you all the time. You have no realization of your faults.
For one thing normality is a myth. No one is perfectly normal. Every one is imperfect. Every one is a snowflake. God never created the same person twice.
You really need to be aware how you come across to others–your idiosyncrasies, then you can compensate for your behavior around others.
If you think you are perfectly normal, you can discount your behavior towards others and have no idea the damage you can causing (???) towards others.
Wasn’t it Socrates that said many eons ago “Know yourself”? The better you know yourself (???) you, the better you can judge the impact you are having on others. And change accordingly.
Jun
19
2009
I am convinced God created marriage for only one reason: to teach us how to love better. That is the only reason, as far as I am concerned, this institution was created.
I am extremely self centered and narcissistic. Marriage forces me to examine my foibles and flaws. I mess up all the time and hurt my “other”.
I have to apologize and ask her for her forgiveness. I know precisely how flawed I am although I, often, am not aware exactly how having definite blind spots. Marriage forces you to examine your weaknesses and attempt to correct them.
Your partner sees the worst in you given enough time. There is no doubt about that. One never sees what goes on behind closed doors nor should they.
When we are in a primary relationship we have a chance to examine our flaws again. First we have to become aware of them, then decide how we want to change. Every family is dysfunctional. The only question is to what degree.
When we are in a relationship we are forced to examine our shortcomings. We have a chance to examine our childhood again. Every relationship is flawed including our parents’. When we live with someone nothing is hidden too long.
As time goes on, we have a chance to correct flaws we become aware of. I laughed at my friend when he said marriage is “work” (that was in my single days). I am no longer laughing at him. Marriage is work. Hopefully the pluses outweigh the minuses and the marriage survives.
Living with another is the hardest thing in the whole world. It is the compromises we have to work out that insure the success of the marriage. Living with another forces us to get out of our self-centeredness and forces us to love another human being better.
There are no easy answers to each marriage, each marriage is different. There is no more common institution than marriage to change the other. Too many people do not want to do the hard work it takes to continue the marriage or examine themselves and their flaws. Thus the high divorce rate. There are no easy answers to any marriage; it all takes time (and commitment) to one another.
Mar
1
2009
It is a four letter word — “pain”. That more than anything in my life has initiated change. My pastor yesterday related the story of Noah and the flood and of course the ark. He said the storm comes first, then the promises of God represented by the rainbow. Another way of saying the same thing is that God will always take care of you. The 23rd Psalm states, ‘I will walk you through the shadow of death’, — not around but through. Ecclesiastes, the book in the Bible written by King Solomon says, ‘Bad things happen even to good people.’ Storms always come or trials which is another way of saying the same thing. Then the rainbow follows, which represents the promises of God. God never forsakes us. You never are able to see the big picture: ‘God has set eternity in our lives’ (Ecclesiastes, again). Life does not always make sense nor is it always fair. If you insist on all that, you will torture yourself unnecessarily. Pain and trials always come. If your life ran smoothly all the time not only would your life be boring but there would be no need to ever learn how to overcome problems. And trials and pain and tragedy come to each person. No one is exempt. And again, life is never fair. And that is how we learn. Through those trials (and the accompanying pain that follows).
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