Siggy’s Blurbs

Can one person completely satisfy the needs of another?  I once had a major fight with a girl friend over that.  She said “Yes.”  I said, “No.”  Sure, you want your “other” to satisfy most of your needs but all?  To me, that relationship would become awfully ingrown (and stale).  Other relationships add to your main one.  Of course, you have to be very careful how you carry on with the opposite sex.  And maintain a relationship very carefully so you don’t threaten your partner.  Under very special, open conditions.  I can’t delineate the boundaries.  You have to do that.  Maybe a relationship in his/her presence as couples.  We are all different and other people bring out different qualities in you.  And then these qualities brought out by someone else you can add to your main relationship.  Relationships with the same sex are a little easier to maintain.  It is always a balancing act.  You do not want to diminish your relationship with your partner.  Each person you meet should add something positive to you.  Having a network of friends takes some of the pressure off your mate.  No one person can satisfy all your needs.  Nor  should you try.

Tags: girl friend, network of friends, opposite sex, relationships, satisfy all your needs, your mate, your other, your partner
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Life is always about connections:  the relationships you make and maintain.  You should never neglect your mate but there is always a danger your relationship will become stale.  Sometimes a simple thing like leaving the house and doing a chore is good.  You find out others have problems and you are not alone.  People have a way of expressing their present concerns.  Sometimes it is a question of eavesdropping.  You are just there.  Like shopping in a food aisle.  Other times, you may want to reach out in some way.  Each person has a deep need to be listened to.  You just may be that person but you have to make yourself available.  No one lives in a vacuum.  Sometimes you have to take a chance–open up to someone.  There is no such thing as small talk.  Yes, it is true it may stay there but often it is an opening for you to take.

It is just not good to stay in the house all the time.  Our thoughts just revolve.  And we need to break the cycle.  Sometimes it means taking chances with perfect strangers.  You never know when you will meet an angel.  And furthermore how can you possibly make new friends if you do not take a chance by revealing something personal about you?  Each friend you have was once a stranger.  Never stop reaching out.  Life is about relationships.  In John Dunn’s words, ‘No man is an island’.  We don’t exist by ourselves.  We are all connected.  Each person has a deep need to love and be loved.

Tags: an angel, connections, doing a chore, eavesdropping, friends, John Dunn, life, listen, make yourself available, need to love and be loved, no man is an island, open up to someone, reach out, relationships, shopping, small talk, stay in the house, strangers, thoughts, we are all connected, you are not alone, your mate
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Every marriage is flawed and it does me no good to point out my wife’s flaws to her.  I just forgive her and go on from there.  We are all imperfect (and sin).

There is no way to get around that.  I have to admit I balked at the statement I read in a book where it says it does no good to criticize anyone:  it just lessens our ability to love that person.

I know I often criticize my partner even if it is only self talk.  Somehow I need to forgive her for not matching up every day.  I certainly don’t.  So why should I expect her to not make any mistakes?  I err every day.

Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath is good advice from the Bible.  Give each other a clean slate and forgive each other at the end of each day.

Bitterness can form an almost impenetrable wedge between you and your mate.  So recognize that both of you are flawed and forgive each other at the end of the day.  Every marriage is flawed.

Tags: ability to love, Bible, bitterness, criticize, don't let the sun go down on your wrath, end of the day, err, forgive, forgive each other, give a clean slate, God, impenetrable wedge, marriage is flawed, mistakes, my wife, self talk, sin, we are imperfect, your mate
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A marriage (or any other committed relationship) gives you another chance to do your childhood all over.  That seems like an odd statement but think about it:  your mate comes from at best similarly though not totally alike childhoods raised by different parents.

You always have blind spots.  And so does your partner.  Marriage gives you an opportunity to expose some of these.  And change in the process.  Live with a person day in and day out and you have seen the positive and negative points of your partner.

And some of these points you were blind to until you had them pointed out usually in some kind of conflict.  Every relationship has conflict.  And conflict forces you to reexamine attitudes you possess that you may not have given much thought to until they caused you problems.

Usually couples who do not fight with one another are not dealing with their differences and flaws they possess.  Compromises ensure the success in the relationship.  And sparks usually fly in the process.

Eventually hopefully the rough edges between both of you are smoothed out.  Marriage gives you the opportunity to face blind spots and grow.  In a way no other common institution does.

Tags: blind spots, childhood, compromise, conflict, couples, marriage, parents, relationships, smooth out rough edges, sparks fly, we are flawed, your mate, your partner
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I know I can’t be liked by everyone.  It really is impossible.  In fact, I found out often the people I dislike the feeling is often mutual.  I am who I am.  I know that.

If you insist everyone like you, you please no one.  It is really out of your control.  If you try to please everyone, you sway with every change of the wind and get viewed as a pansy.

Presidents know that very well.  All of them find out no matter what they do someone will not be happy with them.  And the best ones accept that.

I do not deliberately try to alienate any one.  Of course, you do not like it when your mate does not like something you do.  Although likes and dislikes come and go.  That is why commitment is so important.  It enables you to ride out the rough periods.

I did find that even if I initially dislike a fellow worker given enough time I usually end up liking the person.  But it takes time.  Maybe that is why your initial impression of someone has to be tempered with time.

You never know when your impression of someone will change.  Nevertheless you can’t be liked by every person.  And you just have to accept that.  There is no way to get around that.  So enjoy your friends.  They picked you.

Tags: be liked by everyone, commitment, dislike, enjoy your friends, fellow worker, initial impression of someone, like, please no one, president, time, your mate
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Love and hate is always mixed.  You can love your mate and also hate her at the same time.  To be ambivalent toward your mate can be normal.  Somehow you have to suspend those feelings and accept they both can exist at the same time.

Usually you are attracted to your other for she/or he has something you lack.  The cliche is if both of you are the same, one of you is unnecessary.  There is a lot of truth to that.

The whole is often better than the two parts.  You were drawn to your partner because she/he had something you lacked.  And visa versa.  Your partner can bring out the best in you and sometime the worst in you.  You just have to ride it out.

No one has the power to enrage you as your partner.  The person who is the closest to you who knows more about you than any one else–all your weaknesses and all your  strengths.

Love and hate can be present at the same time.  Just accept that.  Don’t be surprised when those two feelings are elicited at the same time.  You do not have to react to both of them.  Accept the ambivalence.

Tags: accept the ambivalence, ambivalent, bring out the best in you, bring out the worst in you, if both are the same one is unnecessary, love and hate, person closest to you, something you lack, strengths, weaknesses, whole better than the two parts, your mate
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I am convinced the only reason marriage exists is to teach us how to love better.  Each person is sinful (and very imperfect).  And selfish.  Living with another forces us to examine our own foibles.

Some marriages are a better fit than another.  It does not matter.  At some point, there is going to be conflict.  And how successfully you work it out determines the success of your marriage.

Each person is selfish and conflict draws this out.  The vows say for better or worse, in sickness or health.  Commitment is always the key.  Do you ride out the rough moments?  Every marriage will have difficult times.

Your partner sees all your sides given enough time.  The good points of yours as well as your bad side.  Nothing is hidden.

Only love can transcend them.  That is why I say the institution of marriage was created for only one reason–to teach us how to love better.

Your rough points given enough time in a marriage becomes smoothed over.  Love is always the key.  And commitment makes it work.

Tags: commitment is the key, conflict in marriage, for better or worse, imperfect, in sickness and in health, institution of marriage, living with another, love, love is the key, marriage, marriage teaches us to love better, only love can transcend, our foibles, ride out rough moments, selfish, sinful, success of marriage, teach us to love, wedding vows, work out conflicts, your mate, your partner
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Sometimes you just have to let things go.  It does not matter if you or your mate was right.  You have to give your mate a clean slate every day.  ‘Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath’–lines from the New Testament.

The devil uses forgiveness to pit one mate against the other.  And we are all imperfect.  And each day each person make mistakes so it is important to let them go and start the day afresh.

There is wisdom in those lines from the bible.  If you do not forgive the other for their failures, resentment builds and drives a wedge between you.

Forgiveness allows you to love your partner fully and with humility.  Each person knows in their heart that they are not perfect so why should you expect your partner to be otherwise?

Tags: Bible, clean slate every day, devil, don't let the sun go down on your wrath, drive a wedge between you, everyone makes mistakes, failures, forgiveness, God, humility, know in your heart, let things go, love your partner, New Testament, no one is perfect, resentment, start each day afresh, we are all imperfect, who is right, wisdom, your mate
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It is never too late to say “thank you” to your wife.  In every marriage you fall into tasks:  you divide the work among you.  Each person does certain things.  It is often tasks we like doing.

It is easy to take the jobs your mate does routinely for granted.  My wife loves the computer and keeps it running smoothly.  She also balances the checkbook and does our laundry.

It is very easy to take these things for granted.  Somehow I have to look at the things she does, stop taking them for granted and also acknowledge and thank her.

It is never too late to do this.  There is nothing worst then a disgruntled mate.  Everyone wants to feel appreciated.  Noticing what your mate does is a good start.

Tags: a good start, balance the checkbook, computer, daily tasks, disgruntled mate, divide the work, do laundry, everyone wants to feel appreciated, housework, marriage, never too late, say thank-you, take for granted, your mate, your wife
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The smallest social unit within your family is your partner.  Do you treat him/her with kindness and love.  It matters.  How can you possibly treat others with love and kindness if you can not even treat the person who is closest to you that way?

Of course, kindness starts off with you, your thoughts, your self talk.  If you can treat yourself  with tolerance and love, fully aware you are flawed and forgive yourself for blundering and, also, ask others for forgiveness when you have hurt them.

I find it interesting in the Lord’s Prayer it states, ‘And forgive our debts, as well as we forgive our debtors’ (Matthew 6-12).  You have to ask God for the forgiveness of you sins first before can you can forgive others for hurting you.

If you love those who God puts in your life (and it starts off with your mate) you can transform the world.  Never discount the power of one.  Every movement started off with one person so never discount yourself.

Tags: ask for forgiveness, blunder, forgive yourself, forgiveness, God, hurt, kindness, Lord's Prayer, love, love others, Matthew, never discount yourself, our debtors, our debts, self talk, social unit, the Bible, the power of one person, thoughts, tolerance, transform the world, we are flawed, your mate, your partner
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Today is Father’s Day:  it is not a given:  you earn it.  You earn it by doing your job right, supporting your  family, going to work every day, even when you do not feel like it.

You earn it by spending time with your kids, day in day out.  Being a father is a privilege.  It is not simply genetics.  It is loving your kids even when they “mess up”.

You know damn well you are flawed.  Being a father is apologizing to your kids when you made a mistake.  God knows, we all err.

Being a father is encouraging each kid to follow his/her dreams even if that was not a path you would have followed but each kid has their own dream.

Being a father is encouraging your kid when they fall down and encouraging them to get up again and not give up.

There are so many things a father does.  Maybe the most important thing a father can do is to set the example for them to follow.  There is no more important thing a parent can do than the right thing even when it costs.  Honesty and integrity have their price.

Being a parent is forgiving your mate when he/she has made a mistake.  Being a parent (and father) is loving your wife at all costs.  Maybe that is the greatest example you can set.  Transmit fidelity and trust and love.  I can not sum up being a father in three more important words than that.

Maybe I will add another:  integrity, fidelity, trust and love.  Transmit all those things to your children and you have succeeded in your role as a father.  Being a father is a lifetime occupation.  You are in it for the long haul.  A lifetime.

Tags: being a father, do the right thing, don't give up, encouragement, fall down and get up, Father's Day, fidelity, flawed, follow dreams, genetics, go to work, honesty, integrity, lifetime occupation, long haul, love, love your wife, loving your kids, made a mistake, privilege, set an example, spend time with your kids, support your family, trust, your mate
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