May
12
2013
We are all flawed and it is so easy to criticize someone for their flaws. It is so easy to forget that. Sometimes the things we criticize someone for are the very things we can’t tolerate in our self. And we come down hard on those who demonstrate their imperfections. If we can remember we are all flawed and sinners, which is just another way of saying the same thing; then, we can be more compassionate of others. Everyone makes mistakes.
Jan
9
2011
It does me no good to point out my wife’s shortcomings. We had a fight last night. And I thought about this the following morning.
I will let the details go. It does me no good to tell my wife you were wrong. You did this and that. Why should I mention my partner’s shortcomings?
I am well aware I err again and again. That is why it is so important to let go of all your resentment of your partner at the end of the night.
We are all flawed. We are commanded to forgive each other. And start all over the next morning–to give each other a clean slate. What right do I have to point out to my wife her shortcomings?!
I know how imperfect I am. I do not have to be convinced of that. So let your resentments go. We are all sinners. Do you have any doubt you aren’t?!
Nov
17
2010
You have to get past ‘the glow’ in a relationship. At first everything about your mate seems perfect but then conflict comes and you realize how flawed your other is.
Realizing, also, you are flawed, too, helps. You have greater compassion toward your mate. The honeymoon is now over and whether you survive as a couple is how you work out your differences.
It is in the crucible of fire where your survival is determined. Somehow you need to work out differences between you and smooth out the rough edges.
That means there will be conflict between the two of you. And that is normal. Compromise is the key and that is work. Then your real marriage begins. And there is no easy path there. And everybody’s path is different. It is yours alone.
Oct
25
2010
Can you get past your first honeymoon? We have been married seven years and I wonder about that. By now I have heard the same “stories” as she has about me.
How do you get past your daily frustrations with one another? By now the “glow” has worn off. We have seen the worse as well as the best in each other. It is too easy to focus on the negative we see each day.
It takes an extra effort to remind each other what you originally saw in each other. It is too easy to inform each other this and that you are doing wrong.
How do you get beyond the flaws of each other? Maybe, if we can become Christ-like and remind yourself of His unconditional love, we can love our mate despite all his/her flaws.
Do we have any doubt that we err each day and are much flawed. I don’t. Perhaps, if we can consider this when our mate messes up and become more compassionate toward the other. This is something to keep in mind.
Apr
15
2010
Every marriage is flawed and it does me no good to point out my wife’s flaws to her. I just forgive her and go on from there. We are all imperfect (and sin).
There is no way to get around that. I have to admit I balked at the statement I read in a book where it says it does no good to criticize anyone: it just lessens our ability to love that person.
I know I often criticize my partner even if it is only self talk. Somehow I need to forgive her for not matching up every day. I certainly don’t. So why should I expect her to not make any mistakes? I err every day.
Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath is good advice from the Bible. Give each other a clean slate and forgive each other at the end of each day.
Bitterness can form an almost impenetrable wedge between you and your mate. So recognize that both of you are flawed and forgive each other at the end of the day. Every marriage is flawed.
Apr
8
2010
Sex gives you a chance to do it all over again. Your childhood, your upbringing, your faults, your parents’ hangups all is revealed in the sexual relationship you engage in.
A committed extended relationship gives you another chance to work through your make-up, your psychological, deep rooted difficulties.
Nothing is hidden in sex. You may think so but it is not. I like a line from a Tim Buckley song, “In secret divorce they will never survive” from the song “Goodbye and Hello.”
Everything is revealed in sex. You may not be aware of it but it is. And your partner has their own separate set of problems. And somehow you need to work it out. Sex is the playground. And some relationships do not make it (and dissolve).
Sex exposes deep seeded difficulties when you raise kids where your childhood and upbringing is revealed. Every family is dysfunctional. We are all imperfect and flawed. Sex reveals this in a way that almost nothing else does.
Flesh to flesh nothing is hidden. It is just a question if you are willing to face your hangups and those of your partner. Not every one is willing to work through this.
Mar
31
2010
My wife had to remind me I am not always good at listening. I can go on and on with my own agenda and not respond to the other party. Thank God for mates! They sometimes can remind us of our faults. There is no doubt a person wants a mate who is not a yes person. Can you imagine how boring it would be if your mate acquiesces to every thing? Thank God for mates who tell you the truth and can also do it gently. We are all flawed and a good wife is worth her weight in gold.
Jun
21
2009
Today is Father’s Day: it is not a given: you earn it. You earn it by doing your job right, supporting your family, going to work every day, even when you do not feel like it.
You earn it by spending time with your kids, day in day out. Being a father is a privilege. It is not simply genetics. It is loving your kids even when they “mess up”.
You know damn well you are flawed. Being a father is apologizing to your kids when you made a mistake. God knows, we all err.
Being a father is encouraging each kid to follow his/her dreams even if that was not a path you would have followed but each kid has their own dream.
Being a father is encouraging your kid when they fall down and encouraging them to get up again and not give up.
There are so many things a father does. Maybe the most important thing a father can do is to set the example for them to follow. There is no more important thing a parent can do than the right thing even when it costs. Honesty and integrity have their price.
Being a parent is forgiving your mate when he/she has made a mistake. Being a parent (and father) is loving your wife at all costs. Maybe that is the greatest example you can set. Transmit fidelity and trust and love. I can not sum up being a father in three more important words than that.
Maybe I will add another: integrity, fidelity, trust and love. Transmit all those things to your children and you have succeeded in your role as a father. Being a father is a lifetime occupation. You are in it for the long haul. A lifetime.
Apr
28
2009
It seems obvious but not to some: you are flawed. It is important to know that. People who think they are perfectly fine create havoc around them; for they are not aware how they “mess” up. And the people who they impact in the process.
The better you are aware of your proclivities, the less this happens. Each person is prejudiced. The word comes from pre judge. The only question is to what extent. Each person has leanings in one direction. The better you are aware how you actually think and feel about certain things, the less you become prejudiced.
Words are always one sided. There is always another side to the story. Unfortunately sometimes you do not have the chance to rectify the situation. Sometimes the damage has been done with words expressing one side of a situation.
Civility has a purpose. Your rough edges get smoothed out. Manners seem to (???) gone out the window. Parents are not teaching manners. They ought to. Pleases and thank yous are always important. Telling someone you have messed up, blew this situation is always helpful.
When Jesus was asked how many times should you forgive a person he said, Seventy times seven. The fact is you are flawed and so is your fellow man. When he/she makes a mistake we are commanded to forgive that person.
That commandment produces compassion in others. Yes, each of us remind us of that fact it is easier to forgive others of their transgressions. We all fall short of the mark. And there is no getting around that. So next time some one makes a mistake let it go. You will be happier. And so will the person.
Apr
4
2009
The first thing you do with broken records is realize you are one, too. Our mate appears, at times, to be a broken record: the same problems come up again and again and the same solutions are offered. And your partner does not seem to approach their problems any differently.
Be compassionate. You are no different. As you do not want your mate to give up on you, do not give up on your mate.
Each of us are very flawed and not only that appear “stuck” sometimes. Give your mate the same privilege. You do not want her to give up on you so do not give up on her.
I often wondered why someone should never give up on a drug addict. Bear with me. This is an appropriate example.
Sometimes a drug addict is repeatedly in and out of facilities. One should never give up on that person and I have to say you do not want to enable the person but nevertheless you should never give up on that person. The reason for that is simple. One never knows when that person is going to turn the corner, recover and stop being an addict.
In the same way, entrenched habits sometimes will change. The thing is not to alienate the other in the process. In a marriage each person comes with baggage. The person often is not aware of some of that baggage. That is one thing marriage does: change the other. That is the most common institution to do that.
Every marriage is really dysfunctional. The family each of the persons grew up in was dysfunctional. The only question is to what degree. We are all imperfect.
What marriage does (or any other primary relationship) is to bring out your shortcomings.
In a relationship nothing is usually hidden for too long, and to go back to the original topic every partner hears the same old story from the other. Anyway, that is the way it seems after awhile.
All you can do is love your partner. Sometimes a partner will turn the corner in a certain area and sometimes not. Each partner has to love the other. I am convinced marriage was set up for one reason–to teach us how to love unconditionally.
We are all broken records at times but all we want is to be loved despite our faults. So next time your partner sounds likes a broken record realize you are one, too, just a different one. Flaws are flaws.
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