Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

Why do couples fight so hard about money?  The reasons are simple although not so easily corrected.  What you spend your money on represents your values.

And it is also a control thing:  who makes the decision on what.  And sometimes when you do not have enough you bicker more.

I have no easy answers except a couple needs to make up their mind who makes the decisions on what.  It is also a matter of trust.  Usually one partner is freer with spending and the other is tighter.

That is actually a good thing.  You have to work things out between the two of you and each person acts as a check and balance on the other.

A couple has to have agreement on their handling of money.  Otherwise, there will be constant conflict in that area.  That is one major area each couple just has to work out.

Tags: a control thing, check and balance, conflict, couples, fight about money, handling of money, marriage, money, trust, your values
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It does me no good to point out my wife’s shortcomings.  We had a fight last night.  And I thought about this the following morning.

I will let the details go.  It does me no good to tell my wife you were wrong.  You did this and that.  Why should I mention my partner’s shortcomings?

I am well aware I err again and again.  That is why it is so important to let go of all your resentment of your partner at the end of the night.

We are all flawed.  We are commanded to forgive each other.  And start all over the next morning–to give each other a clean slate.  What right do I have to point out to my wife her shortcomings?!

I know how imperfect I am.  I do not have to be convinced of that.  So let your resentments go.  We are all sinners.  Do you have any doubt you aren’t?!

Tags: argument, clean slate, forgive each other, God, let go of resentment, marriage, my wife, relationships, shortcomings, sinners, we are all flawed, we are all sinners
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Every marriage is flawed.  I don’t know how many famous couples announce the reason for their divorce  is ‘irrevocable differences’.  Divorce today is too easy.  These couples act surprised there are rough edges to work out.  And bail out when there is sustained friction.  In the words of a friend, ‘there are no doors’.  Everything has to be worked out.  That is the way God meant it.  Of course one person can break up a marriage.  Both persons have to believe that.  Without God it is very difficult to stay in a marriage when things get too difficult.  God detests divorce.  And far too many people break up leaving a string of broken families in their wake.  We are all imperfect including our marriages.  Every marriage is flawed.

Tags: 'there are no doors', break up, divorce, divorce today is too easy, flawed, God, marriage, we are all imperfect
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Can you get past your first honeymoon? We have been married seven years and I wonder about that. By now I have heard the same “stories” as she has about me.

How do you get past your daily frustrations with one another? By now the “glow” has worn off. We have seen the worse as well as the best in each other. It is too easy to focus on the negative we see each day.

It takes an extra effort to remind each other what you originally saw in each other. It is too easy to inform each other this and that you are doing wrong.

How do you get beyond the flaws of each other? Maybe, if we can become Christ-like and remind yourself of His unconditional love, we can love our mate despite all his/her flaws.

Do we have any doubt that we err each day and are much flawed. I don’t. Perhaps, if we can consider this when our mate messes up and become more compassionate toward the other.  This is something to keep in mind.

Tags: become more compassionate, Christ, Christ-like, daily frustrations, God, His unconditional love, love, marriage, our mate, seen the best in each other, seen the worst in each other, the glow has worn off, we all err each day, we are all flawed
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Every marriage is flawed and it does me no good to point out my wife’s flaws to her.  I just forgive her and go on from there.  We are all imperfect (and sin).

There is no way to get around that.  I have to admit I balked at the statement I read in a book where it says it does no good to criticize anyone:  it just lessens our ability to love that person.

I know I often criticize my partner even if it is only self talk.  Somehow I need to forgive her for not matching up every day.  I certainly don’t.  So why should I expect her to not make any mistakes?  I err every day.

Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath is good advice from the Bible.  Give each other a clean slate and forgive each other at the end of each day.

Bitterness can form an almost impenetrable wedge between you and your mate.  So recognize that both of you are flawed and forgive each other at the end of the day.  Every marriage is flawed.

Tags: ability to love, Bible, bitterness, criticize, don't let the sun go down on your wrath, end of the day, err, every marriage is flawed, forgive, forgive each other, give a clean slate, God, impenetrable wedge, love, marriage, mistakes, my wife, self talk, we all sin, we are all flawed, we are imperfect, your mate
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Am I the only man who thinks his wife is the most stubborn woman in the whole world?!  Or is that what every man thinks about his mate?

I don’t know.  My wife said that I needed to treat her as I did in the beginning of our relationship (and marriage).  Am I just becoming too comfortable with her that I no longer monitor my reactions to her close enough?

All these questions perplex me.  Do marriages enter a second stage at some point?  When the honeymoon ends?  Does every marriage go through this turmoil and change.

And you just have to make it to the other side to survive and hopefully thrive?  Are women that hard to understand?

I guess men have been perplexed and mystified by their others for a long time.  Hell, Eve (or Adam) never got it right.  Why should I be so lucky?  You tell me?

Tags: Adam and Eve, God, marriage, my wife, stubborn, when the honeymoon ends, women hard to understand
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If you want to upset me confront me unnecessarily and put me in an untenable position.  And do it over minor stuff.  Always give me a way out.  Very, very seldom is it necessary to do that.  Almost never in fact.

If you listen to diplomats, usually every effort is made to reach a compromise pleasing to both.

If you want me to yell and raise my voice continue to do that.  You have a choice in the matter.  Meet me half way.  Do not make it your will against mine.  Do not insist on something being done a certain way.

If the truth be known, there are usually several different ways to accomplish the same purpose but if you insist I do something and you have backed me against the wall and I really can’t do it or think I can’t, I will only get upset.

And it is so unnecessary.  If you are willing to bend, most things can be done peacefully.  And without strife.  ‘Your mother’s ghost hangs over your shoulder’–a line from the song “Triad” written by David Crosby and performed by Jefferson Airplane.

Sometimes you have to realize stances you maintain are really shadows of lessons you learned in your childhood and repeated lessons your parents imparted.  It is not necessary to hang on to them.  They only get you in trouble as you found out.

This latest squabble we had was when I asked you to check a dog’s collar.  All you had to do was say, “Yes, I will.”  I was not sure of how tight or loose it was before.  You insisted I figure it out.  You did not have to back me in a corner.

I do not exist in a vacuum.  If you don’t want me to raise my voice, stop putting we (???) in untenable positions.  And give me ways out.  I guarantee I will get upset less and will raise my voice less.  You do exert some control over me.  Just use it.

Tags: 'your mother's ghost hangs over your shoulder', "Triad", back me in a corner, compromise, confrontation, David Crosby, Jefferson Airplane, lessons learned in childhood, marriage, meet me half way, minor stuff, yell and raise my voice, your will against mine
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I never waited for any future magical moment to be happy. When I had less money I still enjoyed myself–even when I did not have enough.

Although I dreamed of a normal existence–more normal that is (an existence like one day being married and have a family, children), I still did not bemoan my fate.

And it did happen. And when it did, the period was no utopia: other problems presented themselves and had to be solved. And not all of them had a solution.

Each period of my life when I had less and when I had more I still was determined to find joy in life.

I did not keep postponing my life even when there were dreams not fulfilled. Every moment I had some joy (and sometimes sorrow) in it.

And the remainder of my life I do not dread. Death will be another joy, mystery. After all, it is another part of living. And every part is to be enjoyed.

Tags: children, death another joy, death another mystery, did not keep postponing my life, dreams, enjoy life, enjoyed myself, find joy in life, happiness, joy and sorrow, life, living, marriage, problems
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Yield on things that really do not matter.  I am still learning that in my marriage.  There is no sense fighting over a small point when in the long scheme of things it is really insignificant.

I realize that in a marriage every detail needs to be worked out.  There are times I wish something to be a certain way but my other prefers a different arrangement.

Then it is better I defer to her him (???) for in the long run it does not matter but if you insist on your way sparks will fly needlessly.

There is always one person who is a little more inflexible in the relationship so deferring to that person keeps the peace.

There are times to make a stand but choose these times wisely.  Most things really don’t matter so yield on the details that are really inconsequential.

And fight for only things that truly matter in the long run.  Peace will reign more often.  And your household will run smoother.

Tags: choose wisely, every detail worked out, fight only for things that truly matter, God, insist on your way, learn to yield, love, marriage, peace will reign, sparks will fly, times to make a stand
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We think so differently.  My wife and I.  Sometimes that is hard to accept although I know one and one makes three in our case.  It really would be quite boring if we thought exactly alike.

She does drive me crazy but I imagine I do the same to her.  “Isn’t that what all wives do?” my doctor commented when I mentioned that to him.

I know I am more because she is by my side.  Studies over and over prove married people live longer which does not mean married life is not stressful at times:  it is.

But Proverbs says there is nothing worse than a man who falls down and has no one to pick him up.  It is true I lose certain things when I decided to marry but I also gain things.

I like what Scott Peck says about marriage, ‘People get married for the friction.’  His exact words in one of his books.  There is no more common institution to change you than marriage.

Change won’t happen without sparks.  I can testify to that.  And I am sure so can other people who entered that institution.  Will you survive them?  That is the only pertinent question.

Tags: "people get married for the friction", Bible, God, marriage, married people live longer, my wife, one and one makes three, Proverbs, Scott Peck
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Most people’s concept of sex is too narrow.  Sex is not just purely physical.  It is any exchange that goes on between two human beings.  We label others far too readily:  bisexual, homosexual and heterosexual are a few of these labels.  Sex ranges the whole spectrum from a look to a hug to intercourse.

Sex between partners is extremely sacred and forms an almost unbreakable bond.  You have to be very careful you do not violate your partner’s trust.  It is very difficult to win it back if you break it.

The baby knows how the mother views her own body and exactly the attitude she portrays toward him/her–to the degree she accept her new arrival.  The fetus at an unconscious level knows all this.

Every person has feeling toward the same sex.  That is totally natural.  It does not mean you have to physically express it.  Sex can be a very powerful force and you must remain aware of what you are doing.  You always have a choice on how to use it.

It can lift you up or in the worse possible scenario even destroy you.  You have to be very careful and do not put yourself in compromising positions.  You have to guard your chastity (remaining faithful to your partner).  It matters.

Tags: bisexual, do not put yourself in compromising positions, God, guard your chastity, heterosexual, homosexual, label others too readily, marriage, powerful force, remain faithful, sacred, sex not purely physical
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My wife did not want to put a paper clip on the documents she spent six hours preparing.  We had a short conversation regarding that and I finally let it go.  It seemed such a small thing.  And I did not understand but I acquiesced.  It was her business.  Later on she revealed the reason.  Sometimes we don’t want to do a certain thing.  And it is really a small matter.  And sometimes it is not.  You just have to let it go.  And not force the issue.

Tags: documents, just have to let it go, marriage, my wife, paper clip, relationships, wisdom
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