Feb
14
2010
I have to thank both of my wives for one thing. Both love cats and dogs. When I was growing up I never had any pets. My Mom simply was too fastidious. She could not tolerate any messes they might make. When I married Robin we usually had at least one dog and one cat. And now I have a menagerie with Lynelle: seven cats and four dogs. I would not want to live my life any other way. I love all my pets. They daily enrich my life.
Feb
13
2010
In a marriage each person does what he/she wants within reason. My wife likes to do the laundry so she does the laundry. I am driven to make sure we get at least one good meal a day so I do most of the cooking.
She balances the checkbook to the penny. I never liked doing that so I certainly do not mind. I stopped even writing in it for I would make small errors in it posting figures and when we got our monthly statement it would take her hours to find the errors.
There are some things I do for she simply won’t do them. I empty and put new litter in the cat litter boxes. I do the shopping. I am not sure why but every time she goes with me we spend too much money. Besides, she does not like to shop.
I do not like to clean. She does just about all of it. I do vacuum occasionally. I could go on and on. A couple divides the tasks as much as possible along the lines of what you want to do.
Of course, there are always tasks neither like doing and one person just decides to do them.
Feb
13
2010
A sense of humor is everything. Others often exaggerate the severity of their problems. Laughing at yourself defuses your seriousness. You know your marriage is in trouble when you stop laughing at one another permanently. In every marriage this happens occasionally but as long as you still can make each other laugh it lightens your load. It is so easy to think the weight of the world is on your shoulders. The best comedians make you laugh at things that are painful. Humor gives you a better perspective of your situation. It is too easy to magnify our importance. It cuts right through that.
Feb
13
2010
It was one small thing: my dirty socks were sometimes inside out but finally she started complaining about it for she did the laundry and had to make them right side out. Finally I made sure the dirty socks I placed on the dryer were right side in.
It was a small thing but marriage is composed of many small acts. Things you work out between you. And every marriage is different. It was important to her that I not place my dirty socks inside out on the dryer so I did it. Little things matter.
Feb
7
2010
After seven years my wife and I are still struggling with this. I get up before her and have sufficient time to wake up and slide into my day. I usually get up two or three hours before her. I have my own routine to greet my day.
Unfortunately my wife often does not have a chance to do the same. When she gets up I am usually revved and wide awake. I don’t know how many times my wife has lost her temper at me because I did not permit her time to get up and awake and would not stop talking to her.
Then my feelings are hurt. And it may takes hours for us to recover from that. I have suggested she go to the office and do her devotionals there and wait until she is ready for company.
She would indicate this by then entering the living room. Of course I would leave her alone while she is in the office. I have suggested this before. I am hoping she tries this out. I do not know why this is so hard to work this out between the two of us. We will see.
Feb
5
2010
A marriage (or any other committed relationship) gives you another chance to do your childhood all over. That seems like an odd statement but think about it: your mate comes from at best similarly though not totally alike childhoods raised by different parents.
You always have blind spots. And so does your partner. Marriage gives you an opportunity to expose some of these. And change in the process. Live with a person day in and day out and you have seen the positive and negative points of your partner.
And some of these points you were blind to until you had them pointed out usually in some kind of conflict. Every relationship has conflict. And conflict forces you to reexamine attitudes you possess that you may not have given much thought to until they caused you problems.
Usually couples who do not fight with one another are not dealing with their differences and flaws they possess. Compromises ensure the success in the relationship. And sparks usually fly in the process.
Eventually hopefully the rough edges between both of you are smoothed out. Marriage gives you the opportunity to face blind spots and grow. In a way no other common institution does.
Jan
26
2010
I forget sometimes to close cabinet doors and that drives my wife crazy. She calls me careless. I do not do it deliberately. Nevertheless, I get chastised by my other for doing that.
I usually have two or more things on my mind at one time. It is amazing I close any but I do for she complains. She insists after I use the toaster and toaster oven I pull the plug. I do, but every once in awhile I forget. And then get yelled at for it.
Every marriage is really composed of many small things you work out between the two of you. She does the checkbook for she has to balance it to the penny. I would write in the register and make small errors and it would take her hours to locate them so I no longer write in the register.
It drove me nuts that our tax returns were always late. I once asked her about it and it seems that her Dad’s returns were always late. My parent’s were always on time. Marriage is composed of myriad details you work out one by one. Even making sure the dirty socks are not inside out. She does the laundry.
Dec
21
2009
I am convinced the only reason marriage exists is to teach us how to love better. Each person is sinful (and very imperfect). And selfish. Living with another forces us to examine our own foibles.
Some marriages are a better fit than another. It does not matter. At some point, there is going to be conflict. And how successfully you work it out determines the success of your marriage.
Each person is selfish and conflict draws this out. The vows say for better or worse, in sickness or health. Commitment is always the key. Do you ride out the rough moments? Every marriage will have difficult times.
Your partner sees all your sides given enough time. The good points of yours as well as your bad side. Nothing is hidden.
Only love can transcend them. That is why I say the institution of marriage was created for only one reason–to teach us how to love better.
Your rough points given enough time in a marriage becomes smoothed over. Love is always the key. And commitment makes it work.
Dec
20
2009
My wife is truly my serendipity. God gave me my present wife. I was not looking for another. My first marriage had broken up. She came along when I least expected it.
There is so many reasons I can give why she is a blessing but I will only quickly state a few. She encourages my writing and is also a fine editor. She also makes me laugh. She is not perfect but close.
I could not imagine a life without her. We both love music and grew up in the same time frame so both of us love a lot of the same music. All that is a gift.
She certainly is a “better fit” than my first wife. Most of the time we like each other and laugh a lot together. I consider her “serendipity”. I did nothing to deserve her. This is our seventh Christmas together. She truly is a blessing.
And may I never forget that when there is any tension or conflict between us. When I told my doctor my wife was driving me “crazy”, he said “Don’t all wives do that?!”
Dec
19
2009
It is never too late to say “thank you” to your wife. In every marriage you fall into tasks: you divide the work among you. Each person does certain things. It is often tasks we like doing.
It is easy to take the jobs your mate does routinely for granted. My wife loves the computer and keeps it running smoothly. She also balances the checkbook and does our laundry.
It is very easy to take these things for granted. Somehow I have to look at the things she does, stop taking them for granted and also acknowledge and thank her.
It is never too late to do this. There is nothing worst then a disgruntled mate. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. Noticing what your mate does is a good start.
Dec
14
2009
I have to allow my wife to disagree but it is difficult and that causes me all kinds of problems. We had little fights, usually, when I have felt she was unreasonable and had no business meddling in something that was my really my business (???).
For example, our car needed vacuuming and I wanted to go into town to the local car wash to use the vacuum cleaner. She said we have a perfectly good Shop Vac to use on the car. That was true.
To use it, I had to run an extension cord outside and drag out the Shop Vac from the basement. I would rather plunk three quarters in the machine in town, quickly vacuum the car and be done with it. When she found out what I did, she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours.
The latest spat was when I was making cheesecake cupcakes and I ran out vanilla. She said I would be fine if I swish out the bottle for the remaining part of the recipe.
I ran down to the store for more vanilla. She was not too happy with me and I became angry at her for giving me a hard time.
To me, it was “small shit” and I could not understand why it was so important to her. The problem was really my reaction to her. I became angry, raised my voice. It is amazing what couples fight over.
To me life is too short. What usually happens is our will clashes. And then sparks fly. I guess this is the perennial fight between couples: how they resolve differences.
How many marriages broke up because he left toothpaste smeared on the bathroom sink one time too often? Or some small thing like that taking the couple over the edge.
Marriage is working out every detail between the partners. And there are probably some problems you will never resolve but hopefully not too many over the span of the relationship.
Hopefully most of the “rough” edges” between the two of you get smoothed out over time. Too much unresolved conflict is not healthy.
Dec
10
2009
‘You never listen to me!’ I heard that from my wife countless times. Why is that the perennial refrain wives give: “You never listen to me!” When she says that, I become furious. I retort sometimes, ‘”Never” is a really long word. Why can’t you use the word “sometimes” instead of “never”.’ Usually she just shakes her head and walks away.
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