Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

It is so easy to take your mate for granted.  I was “straightening” a small pocket of disorder and came across my MP3 player.  She literally spent hours downloading music on it for me for a birthday present.

I have not used it much but I needed to thank her again for it.  I was not too comfortable with the technology but maybe I will start to rediscover what she put on it.

I have to give her a big hug out of principle.  I have been recovering from surgery and she has been terrific in taking care of me.  Don’t ever take your mate for granted.

No one has to do anything for anybody.  Every relationship is by grace.  When I am finished writing this blog, I will go to my wife and give her a big hug just for being there.

Tags: big hug, everything-is-by-grace, MP3 player, music, my wife, recovering from surgery, relationships, take for granted, taking care of me
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You have to get past ‘the glow’ in a relationship.  At first everything about your mate seems perfect but then conflict comes and you realize how flawed your other is.

Realizing, also, you are flawed, too, helps.  You have greater compassion toward your mate.  The honeymoon is now over and whether you survive as a couple is how you work out your differences.

It is in the crucible of fire where your survival is determined.  Somehow you need to work out differences between you and smooth out the rough edges.

That means there will be conflict between the two of you.  And that is normal.  Compromise is the key and that is work.  Then your real marriage begins.  And there is no easy path there.  And everybody’s path is different.  It is yours alone.

Tags: compromise is the key, conflict, God, have compassion, honeymoon, relationships, smooth out the rough edges, we are all flawed, work, work out differences, your mate
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Sex gives you a chance to do it all over again. Your childhood, your upbringing, your faults, your parents’ hangups all is revealed in the sexual relationship you engage in.

A committed extended relationship gives you another chance to work through your make-up, your psychological, deep rooted difficulties.

Nothing is hidden in sex. You may think so but it is not. I like a line from a Tim Buckley song, “In secret divorce they will never survive” from the song “Goodbye and Hello.”

Everything is revealed in sex. You may not be aware of it but it is. And your partner has their own separate set of problems. And somehow you need to work it out. Sex is the playground. And some relationships do not make it (and dissolve).

Sex exposes deep seeded difficulties when you raise kids where your childhood and upbringing is revealed. Every family is dysfunctional. We are all imperfect and flawed. Sex reveals this in a way that almost nothing else does.

Flesh to flesh nothing is hidden. It is just a question if you are willing to face your hangups and those of your partner. Not every one is willing to work through this.

Tags: "Goodbye and Hello", "In secret divorce they will never survive", difficulties, every family is dysfunctional, face your hangups, flesh to flesh, God, nothing is hidden in sex, problems, relationships, sex, Tim Buckley, upbringing, we are all flawed, we are all imperfect, work it out, your childhood, your faults, your parents, your partner
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My wife did not want to put a paper clip on the documents she spent six hours preparing.  We had a short conversation regarding that and I finally let it go.  It seemed such a small thing.  And I did not understand but I acquiesced.  It was her business.  Later on she revealed the reason.  Sometimes we don’t want to do a certain thing.  And it is really a small matter.  And sometimes it is not.  You just have to let it go.  And not force the issue.

Tags: documents, just have to let it go, marriage, my wife, paper clip, relationships, wisdom
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It was one small thing:  my dirty socks were sometimes inside out but finally she started complaining about it for she did the laundry and had to make them right side out.  Finally I made sure the dirty socks I placed on the dryer were right side in.

It was a small thing but marriage is composed of many small acts.  Things you work out between you.  And every marriage is different.  It was important to her that I not place my dirty socks inside out on the dryer so I did it.  Little things matter.

Tags: clothes dryer, dirty socks, laundry, little things matter, love, many small acts, marriage, my wife, relationships, socks inside out, washing machine, wisdom, work things out between you
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After seven years my wife and I are still struggling with this.  I get up before her and have sufficient time to wake up and slide into my day.  I usually get up two or three hours before her.  I have my own routine to greet my day.

Unfortunately my wife often does not have a chance to do the same.  When she gets up I am usually revved and wide awake.  I don’t know how many times my wife has lost her temper at me because I did not permit her time to get up and awake and would not stop talking to her.

Then my feelings are hurt.  And it may takes hours for us to recover from that.  I have suggested she go to the office and do her devotionals there and wait until she is ready for company.

She would indicate this by then entering the living room.  Of course I would leave her alone while she is in the office.  I have suggested this before.  I am hoping she tries this out.  I do not know why this is so hard to work this out between the two of us.  We will see.

Tags: devotionals, marriage, morning routine, my wife, relationships, time to wake up, work out problems
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A marriage (or any other committed relationship) gives you another chance to do your childhood all over.  That seems like an odd statement but think about it:  your mate comes from at best similarly though not totally alike childhoods raised by different parents.

You always have blind spots.  And so does your partner.  Marriage gives you an opportunity to expose some of these.  And change in the process.  Live with a person day in and day out and you have seen the positive and negative points of your partner.

And some of these points you were blind to until you had them pointed out usually in some kind of conflict.  Every relationship has conflict.  And conflict forces you to reexamine attitudes you possess that you may not have given much thought to until they caused you problems.

Usually couples who do not fight with one another are not dealing with their differences and flaws they possess.  Compromises ensure the success in the relationship.  And sparks usually fly in the process.

Eventually hopefully the rough edges between both of you are smoothed out.  Marriage gives you the opportunity to face blind spots and grow.  In a way no other common institution does.

Tags: blind spots, childhood, compromise, conflict, couples, marriage, parents, relationships, smooth out rough edges, sparks fly, we are flawed, your mate, your partner
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Every person gives what they can, when they can, to whoever they can.  It is important to have low expectations of your acquaintances (and certainly your friends).

Thus, you can never be disappointed and when one comes through and gives you something unexpectedly (and let us not forget the gift of their time probably the most precious commodity a person possesses), you simply can be grateful and consider it serendipity.

One can not live inside another and know what goes on, what pressures and concerns that person is facing.  It is hard enough when you live with someone so you can imagine how difficult it is with someone else.

When another person reaches out to you, you ought to be grateful and accept the gift.  Others give what they can, when they can.  That does not mean you should not try to reach out to others around you.

Just be aware others often do not acknowledge your efforts and certainly do not always return the “favor” to put it one way.  You need to love others particularly your neighbors (and even strangers) unconditionally.

A relationship may blossom when you least expect it to.  And that is how it usually goes.

Tags: accept the gift, acquaintances, be grateful, blossom, gift of your time, give what you can, give when you can, hard to know what others are facing, love strangers, love unconditionally, love your neighbors, precious commodity, reach out to others, relationships, return the favor, serendipity, your efforts, your friends
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When death is knocking at your door, money fades in importance.  It is so easy to delude ourselves:  that your time on this earth is forever.  But when the realization comes it is running out (often due to illness or old age) your money (and possessions) are no longer that important.

All of a sudden other things come to the forefront:  your relationship with loved ones, maybe your legacy also.  Your possessions which maybe you spent a lifetime accumulating do not matter that much.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft and the richest person in the whole world, realized that; when he founded with his wife what is today’s largest private foundation pouring in it more and more of his energy and resources (billions of dollars) in that endeavor.

In my case, I can not take my journals, books and music I spent a lifetime collecting with me when I go.  I have to figure out what is truly important in my life.  I do not want to waste time.

Often when someone faces his/her deathbed and realizes the way they spent their time really does not matter.  Your impending death shifts your priorities and also forces you to reexamine your value system.

Too many people die alone because they did not invest time in others.  Did not Jesus say, “When you lose your life, you find it”.  I think that is a paraphrase.

When you are in the dusk of your life, you find out the most valuable commodity you possess is time.  All the money in the world can not buy you one more minute on earth.

That realization forces you to examine your life carefully.  It is never too late to make a change although it is easy to regret the time you lost in fruitless endeavors.  You can never turn back the clock but there is always today.

Tags: accumulating things, Bill Gates, billions of dollars, books, death knocking at your door, deathbed, die alone, do not waste time, dusk of your life, examine your life, fruitless endeavors, God, illness, impending death, invest time in others, Jesus, journals, loved ones, make a change, Microsoft, money, music, never too late, old age, our time on earth, possessions, private foundation, regrets, relationships, richest person in the world, shift your priorities, spend your time, there is always today, time, turn back the clock, when you lose your life you find it, writer, writing, your legacy, your value system
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Your growth is stunted when you can not tolerate even the slightest degree of criticism.  You feel you must be perfect in order to be loved.  And everyone is flawed.

Having to feel you must be a “nice” person all the time is not a good thing.  It prevents you from being real.  Being genuine is knowing you can make mistakes and those around you will still love you.

When you can not tolerate even the slightest degree of criticism, others have to walk delicately around you.  Others have a harder time being genuine around you.

There really is nothing wrong with being “nice” but the question is at what price?  If it is all the time, something is wrong.

You become afraid of others seeing how you really are.  You have to let down your shields at least with some people.  When you truly feel loved, this become easier.

When you can not tolerate any one being critical the slightest degree, you are handicapped at work, at home and in your significant relationships.  In every area.

It is a long uphill journey to correct the damage usually caused during childhood.  And a lot of people make it back successfully and learn to love and be loved.  There is always hope.

Tags: "nice" person, being genuine, being real, childhood, damage during childhood, everyone is flawed, feel loved, handicapped, let down your shields, love and be loved, make it back, mistakes, must be perfect to be loved, relationships, stunted growth, there is always hope, tolerate criticism, walk delicately
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Conflict is good. It forces you to connect with your partner at a deeper level. You want to resolve your conflict, to seek peace with your partner.

In order to do that you have to reach deep within you, find the solution to resolve the impasse. This is all good. You must seek a creative solution to break the impasse.

In the process your roots are entangled with your partner, making your connection that much deeper. Conflict brings your deepest feelings to the surface.

After peace comes, you know your conflict resolution was genuine. Couples who do not argue are not facing their conflict head on but are superficially connecting with one another.

Anger indicates you have hit a nerve and you need to find a solution pleasing to both–often a compromise. Then a calm can come bringing peace to the couple. One needs to be kind in the process otherwise too many hurt feelings will hinder your resolution of your conflict.

Conflict can be a good thing. In the wake of a genuine solution, a couple’s relationship can become that much stronger. Conflict, in that case, is always beneficial.

Tags: anger, argue, be kind, compromise, conflict can be a good thing, conflict resolution, couples, hurt feelings, love, marriage, peace, relationships, seek peace, your deepest feelings
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When love is not enough,

You fight

Wonder

If you are right for each other

When love is not enough,

Angry, hurt words are spoken

Shattering the peace

When love is not enough

Sex disappears

And you wonder

What you ever

Saw in one another

When love is not enough

I have to forgive

My partner

For being

As imperfect

As I Am

When love is not enough

You have to start

From the beginning

Uncertain, unsure

Never knowing

Is love enough

Tags: anger, angry words, fight, forgive, God, hurt, love, marriage, peace, relationships, right for each other, sex, we are all imperfect
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