Siggy's Blurbs: Siggy's Edge of Country …

I thought the tears were gone but they were not ended.  I heard the song Neil Young wrote thirty-seven years ago, “Old Man”, again and I thought of my Dad who died nine years ago.  A little later I burst into tears.

We had such a “rocky” relationship.  Most of my life he did not accept me and we argued a lot particularly about finances:  I knew I did not meet his expectations of a son.  He never told me exactly how.

The last conversation I had with him he told me he was far more impressed with the million dollars his future son-in-law made selling his company than anything I did.

I remember our conversation and was then aware it might be the last time I might talk to him.  He was ninety-one and possibly blind.  His mind was lucid but I had to talk to him slowly.  I tried reasoning with him but to no avail.

He did not value anything I accomplished in my life.  All he valued was money.  I finally gave up and left him in bed.  That was the last time I saw him alive.  He died shortly after.

Although he did not approve of my life I did know the last year or two of his life he loved me.  That was a gift but I wish he would have valued who I truly was a little more.

Anyway, hearing the song “Old Man” brought up memories of my Dad and all the years we “lost”.  I loved him despite how hard he was with me.  In the end he loved me.  That was all that mattered.

Tags: argue about money, expectations, father, God, love, money, my Dad, Neil Young, old age, Old Man, rocky relationship, son, tears, years we lost
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Today is Father’s Day:  it is not a given:  you earn it.  You earn it by doing your job right, supporting your family, going to work every day, even when you do not feel like it.

You earn it by spending time with your kids, day in day out.  Being a father is a privilege.  It is not simply genetics.  It is loving your kids even when they “mess up”.

You know damn well you are flawed.  Being a father is apologizing to your kids when you made a mistake.  God knows, we all err.

Being a father is encouraging each kid to follow his/her dreams even if that was not a path you would have followed but each kid has their own dream.

Being a father is encouraging your kid when they fall down and encouraging them to get up again and not give up.

There are so many things a father does.  Maybe the most important thing a father can do is to set the example for them to follow.  There is no more important thing a parent can do than the right thing even when it costs.  Honesty and integrity have their price.

Being a parent is forgiving your mate when he/she has made a mistake.  Being a parent (and father) is loving your wife at all costs.  Maybe that is the greatest example you can set.  Transmit fidelity and trust and love.  I can not sum up being a father in three more important words than that.

Maybe I will add another:  integrity, fidelity, trust and love.  Transmit all those things to your children and you have succeeded in your role as a father.  Being a father is a lifetime occupation.  You are in it for the long haul.  A lifetime.

Tags: apologize for mistakes, being a father, do the right thing, don't give up, encouragement, fall down and get up, Father's Day, fidelity, follow dreams, forgiveness, genetics, go to work, God, honesty, integrity, lifetime occupation, long haul, love, love your wife, loving your kids, made a mistake, privilege, set an example, spend time with your kids, support your family, trust, we all err, we are all flawed, your mate
Posted in children, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, relationships, time, wisdom, your job/mission/profession | No Comments »

I am convinced God created marriage for only one reason:  to teach us how to love better.  That is the only reason, as far as I am concerned, this institution was created.

I am extremely self centered and narcissistic.  Marriage forces me to examine my foibles and flaws.  I mess up all the time and hurt my “other”.

I have to apologize and ask her for her forgiveness.  I know precisely how flawed I am although I, often, am not aware exactly how having definite blind spots.  Marriage forces you to examine your weaknesses and attempt to correct them.

Your partner sees the worst in you given enough time.  There is no doubt about that.  One never sees what goes on behind closed doors nor should they.

When we are in a primary relationship we have a chance to examine our flaws again.  First we have to become aware of them, then decide how we want to change.  Every family is dysfunctional.  The only question is to what degree.

When we are in a relationship we are forced to examine our shortcomings.  We have a chance to examine our childhood again.  Every relationship is flawed including our parents’.  When we live with someone nothing is hidden too long.

As time goes on, we have a chance to correct flaws we become aware of.  I laughed at my friend when he said marriage is “work” (that was in my single days).  I am no longer laughing at him.  Marriage is work.  Hopefully the pluses outweigh the minuses and the marriage survives.

Living with another is the hardest thing in the whole world.  It is the compromises we have to work out that insure the success of the marriage.  Living with another forces us to get out of our self-centeredness and forces us to love another human being better.

There are no easy answers to each marriage, each marriage is different.  There is no more common institution than marriage to change the other.  Too many people do not want to do the hard work it takes to continue the marriage or examine themselves and their flaws.  Thus the high divorce rate.  There are no easy answers to any marriage; it all takes time (and commitment) to one another.

Tags: apologize, behind closed doors, blind spots, change, childhood, commitment, compromise, divorce, dysfunctional family, examine your weaknesses, flawed, forgiveness, God, love, marriage, marriage is work, narcissistic, our parents, our shortcomings, relationship, self-centered, teach us to love better, your partner
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Love always goes beyond the physical.  It is a look.  It is an attitude toward your beloved.  It is so many things beyond the physical.

Sex peters out awfully quickly when love between the partners fizzles out.  Love is the thoughts you direct unseen toward your partner.  He/she knows what you think behind closed doors and even unseen, unheard.

Sex with love has no parameters.  It goes anywhere the hearts desire.  Sex is far more than the physical.  Your partner always knows when you stop listening.  True communication is love which turns into the physical.

No matter how good the sex is eventually it turns sour without love.  Love always goes beyond the physical.  Love is really the only thing that matters.

Tags: attitude toward your beloved, beyond the physical, communication, God, hearts desire, love, love the only thing that matters, physical, sex, sex with love
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If you want to cheat death act as if it does not matter.  Live each day fully.  Have no regrets when you call it a day.  Act as if this day would have been your last.

If you want to cheat death, do not be concerned about the dying.  Be concerned that you do God’s will and know not one person can tell you which path to take.

If you want to cheat death be concerned about the present.  Do not live in the past or the future.  Live the life you have today.

Don’t be afraid of the things you have no control of but seize the control of things you do.  If you want to cheat death let no one tell you this is the correct path.  Love each person God puts in your life.

If you want to cheat death live fully in the moment, savor each moment.  Do not be afraid.

Tags: cheat death, do not be afraid, do not live in the past or the future, future, God, God's will, have no regrets, life, live each moment, live fully, live life today, love, love each person, past, present, savor each moment, take control of what you can
Posted in balance, beauty, death, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, relationships, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession | No Comments »

Love is not sex.  And sex is not always love.  Love transcends everything.  Sex can be love.  It is the physical part of love.  If you were to watch TV and movies you see portrayed casual sex all the time.

Sex is not casual.  It imprints at a deep level one person with the other.  It always has a price so do not be fooled:  there is no such thing as casual sex.

Yes, sex is physical yet it transcends everything so next time you are tempted to break your bond with your primary partner think twice and resist temptation.  There is always a price to pay if you stray.  It may be one you will regret.  Broken trust is extremely hard to get back.  And often you can’t regain it back so think awfully hard next time you are tempted.

Tags: break your bond, broken trust, casual sex, do not stray, God, has a price, imprint, love, love is not sex, love transcends, movies, physical, price to pay, regret, resist temptation, sex, sex is not casual, tempted, trust, TV, your partner
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Conflict is good. It forces you to connect with your partner at a deeper level. You want to resolve your conflict, to seek peace with your partner.

In order to do that you have to reach deep within you, find the solution to resolve the impasse. This is all good. You must seek a creative solution to break the impasse.

In the process your roots are entangled with your partner, making your connection that much deeper. Conflict brings your deepest feelings to the surface.

After peace comes, you know your conflict resolution was genuine. Couples who do not argue are not facing their conflict head on but are superficially connecting with one another.

Anger indicates you have hit a nerve and you need to find a solution pleasing to both–often a compromise. Then a calm can come bringing peace to the couple. One needs to be kind in the process otherwise too many hurt feelings will hinder your resolution of your conflict.

Conflict can be a good thing. In the wake of a genuine solution, a couple’s relationship can become that much stronger. Conflict, in that case, is always beneficial.

Tags: anger, argue, be kind, compromise, conflict can be a good thing, conflict resolution, couples, hurt feelings, love, marriage, peace, relationships, seek peace, your deepest feelings
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

When love is not enough,

You fight

Wonder

If you are right for each other

When love is not enough,

Angry, hurt words are spoken

Shattering the peace

When love is not enough

Sex disappears

And you wonder

What you ever

Saw in one another

When love is not enough

I have to forgive

My partner

For being

As imperfect

As I Am

When love is not enough

You have to start

From the beginning

Uncertain, unsure

Never knowing

Is love enough

Tags: anger, angry words, fight, forgive, God, hurt, love, marriage, peace, relationships, right for each other, sex, we are all imperfect
Posted in God, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, relationships, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession | No Comments »

I want to grow old gracefully.  Death is the final frontier.  People do not want to talk about it.  From dust you came and to dust you shall return.  These are not my words.  Everyone knows this is true yet we pretend this will not be our fate.

Sometimes death comes suddenly:  An heart attack, stroke or even an accident we could not predict.  I want to squeeze every bit of life I can that is given to me.  And go out gracefully.

My Dad lived until ninety one, my Mom eighty.  I do not know for sure if I will make it any where near that.  Yes, I will take good care of me, eat properly, exercise and sleep properly but death is not my calling.

It is God’s timing and if God gives me more time I will accept it with grace.  Love those around me.  After all that is what life is about:  Love, work and grace.  Wasn’t that Freud’s definition of health:  to be able to work and love.

I can not think of a better definition of health–to be able to love and work.  That sums it all up.  When my day comes I hope there will be a celebration of a life well spent, of a life of a person who truly loved the people around them.

Amen.

Tags: able to love and work, Amen, Bible, celebrate life, death, dust-to-dust, Freud, God, God's timing, grace, grow old gracefully, health, life well spent, love, love those around you, my Dad, my Mom, take good care of me, work
Posted in beauty, death, God, health, knowledge&learning, life, local, love, marriage, mental health, relationships, seasons, time, wisdom, writing, your job/mission/profession | No Comments »

Love is everything.  Strip away everything from you–all your material wealth, your health.  That is all that remains–love.  And some people are so stingy with it.  You can not run out of love.

It comes from the Source–a bottomless pit known as the Almighty.  He never runs out of love to give.  If you continually tap the source, you will never run out of love.  There is not an finite amount.

Never give up a chance to love another.  This world is full of people who are starving for love, people who never had an ear to listen.

Never walk away when you could have given something valuable to another.  That is all any person remembers–how much they were loved by you.

It really does not matter how much money you made, or how many things you accumulated.  People always respond to genuineness–honesty and kindness.  That is all they remember from you.

You can never have too many friends or ever turn down a chance to make another friend.

That is all that remains when everything is stripped from you–love.  That is all people respond to and remember.  Love.  So be careless.  Scatter your love like Johnny Appleseed did his seeds all over the country.

Tags: friends, God, honesty, Johnny Appleseed, kindness, love, love is everything, never run out of love, starving for love, The Almighty
Posted in beauty, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, relationships, time, wisdom | No Comments »

It was a simple realization:  the only person I can change is me.  I have no control of others.  In this case my wife.  Things had become a little ragged between us.  There was too much tension between us.  Tempers flared too often.  And I wanted it back to the way it used to be.

And this popped into my head:  I have absolutely no control of my “other”.  I do have control of me.  And that gave me hope, that our situation would improve.

Telling my wife you did this or that wrong was futile.  I had to figure out what I could change in me, how I could react differently to her.

Steven R. Covey in one of his books explained you always have a split second to choose your reaction to another.  There is that space.  You do not just have to react.

All this gave me hope.  It really was under my control.  I can not change another (in this case my mate) but I can change me, I can change my reaction.  All this gave me hope.

Tags: change another, change yourself, choose your reaction to another, control, gives me hope, God, hope, love, marriage, my wife, no control of others, only person I can change is me, reactions, relationships, Steven R. Covey, tempers flared, tension
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, local, love, marriage, relationships, time, wisdom | 1 Comment »

One author stated that every time you criticize a person openly (or even in your self talk) you lessen your ability to love that person. Every time I read that or even think about that statement I balk.

We live in a society where criticism is openly stated. The only questions is how kindly it was done. Very rarely is praise openly given. More likely governments, leaders are openly torn apart.

Every move by our president, our leaders is examined and commented upon repeatedly often negatively. We have supposedly a free press yet at what expense?

Other governments, their population, are not allowed to express any comments even remotely critical of their leaders, government.

If you were to overhear the conversations of parents directed at their kids you would be flabbergasted how critical and demeaning their comments often are.

I far too often criticize my mate and do not listen properly. Listening is a form of love. It is all too easy to go on a tear on your mate.

So when I read those words that to criticize another lessens our ability to love that person I balked. I know I mentioned this but I will again: Phil Jackson (who has won nine NBA championships) did not turn around his career until he realized for every negative comment he made toward his players he had to make nine. (???)

Encouragement in our society does not occur often enough. There are two ways to look at it: one person can accent the positive things a person does or simply correct the mistakes another commits. It is far easier to tear down a person than build up that person.

I know how far I have to go before I properly love my wife (and my kids). Our society has a long way to go including me. Proper Encouragement (another form of love) can potentially revolutionize this world so think really hard before you criticize some one around you. I know I have to retool my thinking. Love is everything.

Tags: critical and demeaning comments, criticism, easier to tear down a person than build up, encouragement, God, listening is a form of love, love, love is everything, my kids, my wife, NBA, negative comments, Phil Jackson, praise, society
Posted in balance, God, knowledge&learning, life, love, marriage, politics, relationships, sports, time, wisdom | No Comments »